Monday, August 1, 2011

Another post written by YOU.

It’s that time again. That time when YOU become the writers of my post via your comments over the last month. God this is fun (for me anyway). Here we go.



Remember the day Draz the azz took over my posting? Look what Stef wrote to the lily-livered blue lizard.  It made me laugh hysterically...

Ok, Drazil. I've had enough. I'm about to feed your little gecko ass to one of my cats as an appetizer and I am seriously ready to throw down with Sheniqua. Throw down like I am taking off my earings, slipping off my shoes and asking someone to hold my purse. Girl, I hope that weave is in there nice and tight, because I am about to snatch you baldheaded. I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick some ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum. So what's it going to be? Y'all need to back up off your dear sweet "me". Everyone is entitled to have a bad day every now and then, but you two taking over just isn't a good thing. For reals. By Stephanie on A post from Draz... on 7/5/11

Enough said. Thank you Stef.
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Rachellabelle said it quite nicely that day also. Remind me never to piss her off.

She should make a bag and a pair of shoes out of you, Drazil. By Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie on A post from Draz... on 7/5/11

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And just one more from my lovely friend, Ice Queen.

My dragon is on her way to kick Drazil's little blue interfering ass. She should be there, soon. I hope that Drazil is shaking in his tacky, cheap hightops. Because his reckoning is near. By Ice Queen on I won't apologize.... on 7/6/11

When Drazil read that about his hightops…he cried like a two year old for days. I laughed...for three days.

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To my friend Julie – who never uses odd numbers in her posts anymore because of me…God will bless thee some day.

I won't apologize for trying to make sure I have even numbers in my posts... just because I know you hate odd numbers. :) By Ms. M on I won't apologize.... on 7/6/11

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Let’s all give a round of applause to Jess for coming up with crizard (see below). Check this out:

You have a lizard and I have a crocodile on my ass! Life really does blow big crizard (crocodile and lizard) nuts right about now! And still...all I can think about is chips! WTF? By Jess on A post from Draz... on 7/6/11

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Next, I owe Caroline an apology. When I asked her about her Russian Viagra stash I forgot to sign my name. Oopsie. It twas not spam. It was I. Asking for Draz. He gots a small non-functional penis. And um – he’s Russian.

Hi Draz - I've been getting daily spam since I took off the verification word or whatever it's called. All sorts of interesting people from all over the world tell me about their iPhones, their Russian v.agra, they tell me they love me in Chinese, and ask me please to visit their websites for a little fun. By Lonicera on A post from Draz... on 7/6/11

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Kelly….until you left this comment – I knew nothing of this “baconater” you spoke of. Now I own stock in them. Thanks…for the extra 20 lbs. now on my hips.

Oh, and I would kill for a Baconator from Wendy's with a chocolate Frosty. That's how I used to roll. hehe By Kelly on I confess.... on 7/7/11

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Here’s a little ditty on how one of my followers feels about Casey Anthony.

I won't apologize for wanting to set Casey Anthony on fire and drag her through the streets by her hair. Oops, was that mean? I don't care, she sucks! By FitBy40 on I won't apologize.... on 7/6/11

Well said. Well said indeed.

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Did you all know that one day I shot all Wallflower’s dreams in the ass with just one small post?

Did you really say that unicorns and living in Carebear Land are a fairy tale? Next you’re going to tell me that Santa is not real, nor is the Tooth Tairy. I can not believe you would speak such lies, I just can't. Makes me want to go cry in my cereal. By Justawallflower on BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy...the crabby, selfish ... on 7/8/11

Does anyone want to clue her in about the Easter Bunny?

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Remember the time I posted about getting “caught” making dessert?

Ohh that's funny, in a it didn't happen to me sort of way. We got busted once and my husband ducked down on the far side of the bed and LEFT ME THERE. Like REALLY? Kid was only three then and he just though it was funny. By Christy @ My Dirt Road Anthem: A Runner's Blog on Mommy, why were you and Daddy naked? on 7/12/11

Um dear Christy. If Rambo had done this – he would no longer have a penis. The end.

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Grasshoppers have testicles? Huh. Who Knew! By Angela Pea on Gym rat turned...."not" gym rat. on 7/11/11

Yes Angela. Duh. Little green ones. If they are high class grasshoppers, their balls have pink polka dots on them.

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And again with getting caught “baking”.

Tears. Tears are running down my face as I laugh so hard that now I've got the hiccups. But I really sorry you had to go through that. But I'm really glad you wrote about it. Still crying. Now rolling on the floor. By Laura Belle on Mommy, why were you and Daddy naked? on 7/12/11

Dear Laura. You are clearly not sorry.  I hope you have 16 kids who are always in you and Ryan’s room so you can’t have sex for 16 years. So there.

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And of course Mrs. Fatass HAD to chime in about me forgetting to LOCK the door:

Good thing I'm not the kind of friend to say I told you so. By MrsFatass on Mommy, why were you and Daddy naked? on 7/12/11

If I didn’t love this Hotass so much, I’d almost want to hate her.

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Sobe Zero Macintosh Apple Cherry through the nose, thank you very much. Hee! By Beth Ann on Mommy, why were you and Daddy naked? on 7/12/11

Huge, red, scaley hives covering my ass from humiliation. I win.  Hands down.

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Draz... listen to me.... this is very, very important.... Are you listening??? LOCK YOUR DAMN DOORS! By Read on Positions, chickens and other life enhancements. on 7/13/11

A public service announcement from Read that I felt we should all re-read.

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OMG, I would have died right there! I remember "catching" my parents and I thought my dad was killing my mother. I ran up and hit him and tried to save her. Luckily, my kids never walked in on me. By Stacey on Mommy, why were you and Daddy naked? on 7/12/11

Stacey – this makes me shiver. My sister did the same thing! She thought my Dad was beating my mother and ran in to stop him. Oh wet witches wieners – I cannot believe I typed that. I had almost forgotten this happened until you commented. I’d like to say thank you – but I can’t.

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Now onto poop:

Can you please warn me ahead of time when you're going to go into details about Explosive Man? I'm trying to eat breakfast here and that just didn't work for me. I seriously just threw up a little in my mouth. By MandaPanda on Random giraffe poop spewing........with pictures. on 7/12/11

Um no. If I have to live, breathe, smell and hear Explosive Man every freaking day of my life – you must also. It is part of being my follower. Oh God – please don’t unfollow me.

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What color eggs to red chickens lay? By Debi on Positions, chickens and other life enhancements. on 7/13/11

Um Debi. I shall never know. Eggs come out of butts. Poop comes out of butts. I hate poop. Therefore, I will never be near enough to a chicken’s butt to answer this question.

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Onto vagizzles:

I'm lucky kiddo. The hubs just loves, loves, loves defuzzing paradise. He thinks it's more fun than a roller coaster. By Bodacious Boomer on Positions, chickens and other life enhancements. on 7/13/11

BB, I nearly choked when I read this. I told Rambo. His head started to spin around. I cannot deal.

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Shaving tip: Have Rambo do it ;) I shave mine sometimes but majority of the time the other half shaves mine. He obviously can get all the spots and it leads up to mommy & daddy time LOL Wow did I really just admit that to the public? By Sarah from Onmyweightohappiness on Positions, chickens and other life enhancements. on 7/13/11

Sarah – yes you did. Again, I cannot deal. You should chat with BB. LOL

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I nearly fell out of my chair when Dawnya wrote this. Tattoos and Titties. No wonder I love her.

Here are 3 lookup stats on my blog...Black Piss blogspot, tattoos and titties, and eating boobs. LOL By Dawnya on Positions, chickens and other life enhancements. on 7/13/11

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Men are so horny in the morning anyway. I rarely get hugs from Dail without it leading elsewhere. It is just a guy thing. When I ask for snuggle time he automatically assumes I need to get laid. What's up with that? By Karen Butler Ogle on S, M and JPDs. on 7/14/11

Case in point. Dail has a penis. Enough said.

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On bikini waxes:

Weren't smooth hootenannies what brought us together in the first place? I have a tube of something called No SCream Cream. You're supposed to apply it a half hour before the wax to help with, um, pain. You wanna borrow it? I'll send it to you. And amen on the hugging. And Jenny? Go with Draz. She needs you. By MrsFatass on S, M and JPDs. on 7/14/11

Jenny – did you see this? You’ve been summoned.

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Barb – I’m in for the boob squeeze fest…if it doesn’t involve my brother you hussy!

Ok girlfriend you have one HOT body... but I am up for a boob squeeze fest if you want to!! and while you are at it.. can you drop me your brothers email address.. Um not that I am going to do anything with him I just want to stare!!! By Barbara on Siblings, Swimsuits with Sheniqua, Sweat and Soap.... on 7/21/11

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Is it wrong to say that your brothers are banging? No? Ok, good! By Kelly on Siblings, Swimsuits with Sheniqua, Sweat and Soap.... on 7/21/11

Yes Kelly. It is wrong. So very, very wrong. LOL

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How come you've never let ME, your BFF FF ever lick your brother. So Not Fair! By Jen on Siblings, Swimsuits with Sheniqua, Sweat and Soap.... on 7/21/11

Jenny, If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you 1000 times. He doesn’t like to be licked. Geez.

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From our MizFit blogger on hair extensions:

Im late with the crazy but have had extensions. back in the early early 90s when they rarely did in caucasian hair. and then one day I was tired of them and YANKED EM OUT myself. short version?? I ended up unshaving my head. had to. how is THAT for bringing the crizzazeee :) Miz. By MizFit on BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy... on 7/25/11

This is how kickass you are. You pull out your own extensions and shave your own head. Everyone should have those kind of balls. Big, confident, shave my own head, woman cahoneys.

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damn it girl. get better. and freak, where in the hell did you find Rambo. because good hell, he is the coolest guy EVER. By Dazee Dreamer on I might die. For realz. on 7/28/11

I found him in high school. He was the only one in my class with all his teeth. So I married him.


THE END

12 comments:

MizFit said...

tattoos, titties & eating boobs.

#priceless

Cece said...

Read 'your' post. Cleaned the garage (ok, 'cleaned' is a stretch ... came back and am STILL lol at Rambo teeth = keeper. Thanks !

Stephanie said...

It's so funny reading what other people comment about. We have some funny women out there!! :)

Ronnie said...

Hehe, love 'em! :)

Karen Butler Ogle said...

ROFL. You crack me up. And Dail would die if he knew I posted this about him on the internet. We'll just have to keep it our little secret. Everyone who posts on your blog is hilarious. I love when you remind us of what have had said in the past.

MrsFatass said...

Hilarious. And it makes me feel like SUCH a rock star when I make one of these posts.

I love you.

Kelly said...

Freakin' awesome post, Draz! And I love how you ONLY listed Rambo having all his teeth as the reason why you married him. =)

Beth Ann said...

Between eating boobs and Jen wanting to lick your brother, Lord Have Mercy. You have some crazy funny followers, girlfriend!

Laura Belle said...

Ya know....Ryan and I were just talking about having little ones.

But, I'm learning from you...doors locked. All. The. Time. During. Dessert. Making.

I needed a good giggle just now. Thanks! *hugs*

Jen said...

I love this, you have some crazy funny peeps reading this blog. Rockstars!

Cat said...

HAHA! I absolutely love the ladies that comment on your blog sista! Oh - and as an aside, I am pretty sure I've commented on all your recent blogs. (blush) Yours is one I made sure I read and commented on everyday while on vacay.

Samantha said...

Agree with Cat! Your blog is for sure on the must read list! Of course then I have to try to not be laughing my ass off to loudly at work.