Thursday, August 4, 2011

Power....choices.....control.....

Lately I’ve been thinking about the POWER behind our dieting and health and food.
And no – I don’t mean the power the food has OVER us.
I mean the power we have over it.

Do you realize that virtually everything in our lives is literally out of our control?
For someone like me who is an ultra-control freak…that thought can nearly bring me to my knees
and cover me in hives – instantly.

I work my ass off to control nearly every aspect of my life.
I’d schedule when I would pee if I could get my body to cooperate.
Hell, I’d try to schedule when I would blink if my eyes would only listen.

I’ve got 5 planners on my desk right now.
Color-coded. Tabbed. Denoted. Circled. Dated. Listed. Alphabetized. Coveted.

My life – to a science. Every detail - controlled.

And yet? Every damn day something goes NOT as planned. Go f*cking figure.

Someone stops in my office unannounced.
A meeting doesn’t start on time.
I wake up grouchy.
The workout doesn’t happen even though it’s noted in the planner.
I have to pee at 1pm instead of at 2pm when it’s scheduled.
My eyes blink at their own free will.
A car pulls out in front of me.
My 5 year old pees all over the floor.
My 10 year old suddenly stopped liking chicken nuggets.
Rambo has to work overtime.
It rains. Or floods. Or snows green donkey balls. In July.

The absolute only thing that I can control every single day is the food I put in my mouth.

I can’t even control my mood some days. (because I’m a woman – duh)

I literally can change and mold my body to make it do what I want. I can control it.

The power in that is astounding and I often forget the essence of it.

I was reminded of this recently when I showed you guys that picture of my older brother
and his literal 6 pack abs and modelesque body.

Many are jealous of him.
Many think he was born that way.
Many think all his life looking that way came easy.

Many are wrong.

In high school – he never had a girlfriend. He was stick thin.
He hated his body and how skinny he was.
Hated pretty much everything about himself and felt powerless as a teen to do anything about it.

I swear to you almost from the moment he turned 18 – he turned on the power to control his body.

He began eating to fuel his metabolism that most would kill for.
He forced himself to eat thousands of calories a day every few hours in an effort to NOT lose weight.

He joined a gym and trained TWICE a day EVERY day – because if he didn’t he lost weight.

He took supplements and proteins and vitamins.

He shelled out the money to have his teeth whitened and straightened.

He worked his ass off to buy only the top name brand clothes to fit a body he was finally proud of.

He saved up enough money to get lasik surgery so he could get rid of his glasses.

He made his body what he always dreamed it could be – even though it’s not the body God gave him.
He controlled it.

Sometimes his life was falling apart. Financially. Personally. Or any other way.

And yet – never, ever once – did I ever see him let his body fall apart – ever.

Never since he was 18 have I ever seen him look any other way than he does now.
I doubt I ever will. It’s the one constant in his life no one or nothing can take from him.

Even if it’s snowing green donkey balls in July.

I’m not saying his choices are the choices everyone should make.
 I’m saying that for him – it’s what he wanted.
It’s what made him feel whole….after living 18 years feeling like someone else.

I admire his ability to harness the power that he has to control his health and his body and the food he takes in. He does it in a way like I’ve never seen – with no deviation. Like it’s a career.

You may think it’s a walk in the park to literally have to eat every couple of hours – but it’s not.
 It’s expensive and time-consuming and inconvenient and it gets old…and if he doesn’t do it –
all the work he’s done is undone quickly.
If he misses a workout - he loses 2 lbs. a day and is as devastated as if you or I gained 2 lbs a day.
 It’s the opposite of those of us trying to deny ourselves food – but it is no less hard.

I need to realize I have the same power and the same control he does.
We all do – in our way…have the ability to take control – over the only one thing we ever truly own.

Our bodies.

We have the ability to use the power within us to change parts of us that we feel don’t
 truly represent who we are at our core.

Whether that’s in the form of workouts, supplements, trainers, lap bands, surgeries, clothes, accessories, blogs, therapies, or even tummy tucks at the end of your journeys…then so be it.
The power remains in those choices.

I’m proud of my choices.
And proud of the power I’ve used to change parts of me that were never really me.

How about you? Have you used your power lately? To control the one thing that is truly yours?

Even when the world is crumbling or prospering around you?

21 comments:

Cece said...

Thought provoking perspective ... I'll have to give this some brain time - thanks ! Also, with your work coding system (color, tabbed, denoted, etc) - do you work in Human Resources :) I do and I'm a freak in the organization department (I have to or I'd off someone).

Shandalier said...

This post is very POWERFUL ! I can see where you are coming from about being in control of a situation. There's a lot of things you cant be in control of but one thing is your body and what goes in it! Your brother is amazing and a strong willed person for being able to change his body so drastically. Its not easy , its just as hard to gain weight as it is to loose weight. You cant just eat junk to gain weight and people tend to think that ! So I give your brother KUDOS for doing what he did .

I actually just made a post about being a emotional eater and how recently although I been stressed I was able to avoid overeating and stick to my diet. Having control over your body seems so easy but its not . Take it one day at a time and the control you have gets stronger.

Beth Ann said...

Great post, Drazil! I've been thinking a lot about power myself. Why can I be so "mind over matter" in all other ways, but with food I crumble? What is that truly about? Hopefully finding that answer will lead me to my power.

Hugs to you! And your brothers abs!

Ronnie said...

I'm gonna have to consider this - very thought provoking.

Ice Queen said...

You have been crawling around in my head again, haven't you?

Bodacious Boomer said...

Oh young one. You aspire to do so much! Maybe too much. By the time you get to be my age the most important power to have is your continency.

Vanessa @ Gourmet Runner said...

I'm such an anal control-freak too. And damn it if my schedules don't go exactly according to plan. So why do I mess up the one thing I have control over? Seriously! Thanks for reminding me that I can't blame ANYONE or ANYTHING for my food choices. It's all me!!!

Laura Belle said...

Today I controlled my eating 100%. Even with the strawberry cheesecake that's sitting in my office fridge whispering my name ever so gently for the past 7 hours. I actually opened the fridge, told it to shut the F up, and grabbed a yogurt. Take that you Devil cheese pie!

Great post darling! I love it when you give me new and powerful thoughts to contemplate!

Joanna said...

What a great perspective. It never fails, the minute I start to lose control of my life - I let my body lose control. The one thing I have the control of, I start to use as an excuse of "dealing" with the things I can't control.

These are some powerful words, Draz...and something I'm definitely going to think about.

Thanks!!

MandaPanda said...

Absolutely inspirational! You're absolutely right. It's the one thing we can absolutely control. So why is it still such a struggle?

mallory said...

Way to be so deep on a Thursday! You are totally right though, my aunt one told me that your body is the only thing no one can take from you. Thanks for giving me something to run for tonight (other then cookies duh)

Fat in Suburbia said...

Great post! I too am an ultra control freak right down to the way the towels lay on the rack. I've definitely been in control of my food since joining Jenny Craig. It's very regimented. Oh and I'm also in human resources.

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

Great post, Draz. This couldn't have come at a better time for me. I sm recommiting myself to get these last 20 pounds off. Thank you!

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

Thanks for the skittle shower. This was very sweet and uplifting. :)

Kelly said...

Fantastic post, Draz. Thanks for the perspective!

Cat said...

I absolutely love this post. Thank you for reminding us all about the choices that are in our control!

Miz said...

oh.
I dont always need the reminder.
today I needed.

thank you.

AutumnLeaves said...

I know that control over the body when they can't control anything else is the mantra of the anorexic and bulimic too. (Not to throw water on your parade as your words are indeed powerful and spot on, but just sayin'...) So at times there becomes a fine line to walk on this one, I think. That said, I've gone six weeks counting every bit of intake, carbs, fats, salts, proteins, calories, etc., staying always under 1500 calories a day and trying to stay within nutritional guidelines on the other hand. Do you know I didn't lose a pound? Me, who has always been rather thin has suddenly lost complete control due to hormones. It has caused a "why bother?" reaction within me. I can't say I don't care because I do. So the why bother is my only excuse these days. Wish I could gain the upper hand here.

Jody V said...

Fantastic and powerful post!! My mother was just like your brother. He doesn't have an easy road. God bless him for hanging in there and keeping that power! Thank for the inspiration too!

Andrea said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!! It really all comes down to our choices!

Joia said...

Thanks for this post, Draz...good one to read/bookmark! I restarted (again...x100) today, motivated to finally shed these last 54 pounds. I needed to be reminded of my power in this journey!