Thursday, September 1, 2011

A Morning in Care Bear Land.

First day of school.
No one is awake yet but me.
I’m in the closet getting ready and I realize Rambo is now awake.
He’s standing behind me as I get ready and he says:

Our babies are all gone. We don’t have any more. Do you want another one? One that smells good and is all squishy and cuddly and little?

I hug him and I say, “Yup, they’re all gone. No more babies. Do YOU want another one?”

He thinks for a minute and says, “What the hell. Let’s get one. I’ll go to Walmart today and see if they are on sale. And we’ll need a bigger house too.”

“Yup. Get right on that and let me know how it turns out.”


Now I’m in the bathroom doing my hair and the soon to be 11 year old enters. She says:

Mom – something hurts right here. (She points to a spot above her lip.)

I look. I say, “Yah, that’s a zit. Welcome to puberty.”

She says, “Well, can you get it off?”

Oh for the love of all that is pure and holy. Bless her heart – she still thinks I’m Superwoman.

Um, no honey. It’ll go away on its own. Sorry.

OMG – can you see it majorly? Can’t I get rid of it?

Nah – you might as well learn now that on special days like first days of school – zits pop up just to make things worse. Expect one on Homecoming, Prom and your wedding day. I love you Watermelon.

She stomped off. Pissed at the world.

I don’t blame her.

I was ready now and Banana still wasn’t up. I decided I couldn’t NOT kiss her or smell her little neck on her first day of school so I tip-toed into her room and tried to find her face in the dark.

It was completely under a pillow and when I tried to move the pillow she turned her whole body the other way. The little turd was partiallly awake.

So I whispered…Do you want a kiss for your first day of school?”

In the dim light of her room, I saw her turn her head, eyes squeezed tight, head up in the air towards me and puckered fish lips pointed at me – so I could kiss her.

All is right with the world now.

I make my way down the steps to the garage to get in the car. I know Rambo is down in his man bathroom showering. I’ve already kissed him goodbye – pre-shower so I’m just going to head to the car.

I hit the bottom step and there stands Rambo. Freshly showered – like some damn Adonis statue – in the bathroom doorway, one hand against the door, legs crossed – naked and smiling.

He says, “Hey. How you doin? Thought I’d leave you with an image for the day.”


Gee thanks.

See you later. Get my babies to school safe. Take their pictures.

Try not to leave your heart in that school with them.

If we did this right, I’m hoping they won’t need it.

And for God’s sake. Put some clothes on.


Dawnya said...

That sounds like an AWESOME morning!! Gotta love the good life. Have a great day babydoll!!

FitBy40 said...

I'm thinking you should meet him back at that shower and both of you call in 'sick' for the day! Damn that man sounds hot!

Ronnie said...

LOL, awesome. I think he gets the Husband of the Year award for that one. :)

Cece said...

Love the first day of school :) I'm sure 'you've done it right' and all will continue to be well in your world :)

MrsFatass said...

I just love the first day of school.

So. Is this your way of telling us that you and Rambo are gonna make another squishy baby?

Tanya said...

Ahh kids.. My 14, soon to be 15 (next week) gave me a hug last night before bed......soo so sweet, granted he was standing in his underwear and I was in my jammies but it was sweet. Hope he doesnt stop soon. Have a fab day!

Rachel said...

Best morning ever!!!!

Jessica said...

Where do I find me a husband like that... LOL Hope you have an awesome day!

Laura Belle said...

Wow, I can't believe Watermelon is growing up so fast!!! Craziness. No more babies in your home is right. Boo.

You can't help but just beebop outta your house with a little lopsided grin on your pretty little face after a morning like that!

MandaPanda said...

Sounds like the perfect morning!

mallory said...

Wish my mornings were that eventful... Actually never mind, I'm too grouchy for that! Hope your kiddies have a great first day!

Samantha said...

You're so lucky. All I got this morning was a naked overweight Adonis, pre-shower with morning breath. But I wouldn't trade him any more than you would trade yours :)

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

That sounds like one exciting morning in your household. Poor little watermelon. Puberty can be so unkind! haha

Chubby McGee said...

Awwwww! Your babies are all off to school. It does make you consider having another, eh? I kind of want another, but...we couldn't afford another baby/kid. :( Major ugh. If we won the lotto, I'd get knocked up tomorrow.

LOL at Rambo's nakedness. You sound like you have an amazing, little family. They always make me smile.

~Lisa~ said...

A wonderful morning! Great for ALL of you!

Elizabeth said...

Sounds like a great morning! :)

Twix said...

First day of school all ready!!! Happens way to soon. And before you know it... They grow up way to fast!!! Know any secrets to slow it down any?

Nice imagery! ;-)

Bridget said...

Sounds like a good morning! Hope the girls have a great school year :)

Bodacious Boomer said...

A first zit. That's a memorable moment for sure.

Cat said...

Ooooh crap girly. I don't even have kids and am sitting here blubbering at the screen with tears streaming down my face. I love you. I love how much you love your family. You're such a great mom and wife. *super puffy hearts (sorry about the tears on them) for you today!*

Amanda said...

Poor girl! Welcome to the world of zits. I have said it have a lovely lil family there doll!!

Dizzy Girl said...

First day of school always makes me happy- and I don't even have babies! I don't know why. It's the first day of school here too and I've been all excited for all of the kids out there I don't even know. Go figure. :)

Hope it's a good year for Watermelon and there is no drama like last year. Love you like pencils love paper...



Miz said...

xoxoxoxoxo cant not wait to hear how it alll goes.

Kelly said...

So just a normal morning in your neck of the woods, right? LOL =)

AutumnLeaves said...

Oh to have even a slice of that love between you that you and Rambo have...sigh...