Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Shrek toilets and angels.

I’m not having the greatest week. Rambo is away at SWAT training for a few days (I might have to use the washer and actually cook) and my self-induced pity party for one is ongoing. It’s raining elephant turds and I haven’t farted a gumdrop in what feels like weeks.

Right before Rambo left the Harley sprung an oil leak. Harleys may be the greatest motorcycles on Earth but they are also the most expensive to fix. One oil leak = $850.00. Lovely.

Suddenly I came down with a cold too. And while I hate reading about snot, puke and poop in other people’s blogs – it seems I have no boundaries in my own so I would just like to say that this is how gross my cold is. I was walking into work yesterday and no freaking lie – I had to start running because – if I did not – snot was going to drip from my nose onto the pavement. Like a faucet of some type. I mean really? I cannot deal.

You should see the state of disarray my house is in. You’re lucky my kids are alive and dressed.

Speaking of disarray and cleaning - you all know how much I love to clean toilets right? You should see that thing. I’m almost afraid to sit down for fear that something in it is now alive and will reach up and grab my peekachoo. It’s that bad – I swear to God I’m not exaggerating.

In my head each night it goes something like this….”Should I do payroll tonight or clean the toilet?”

Yes, yes. I must pay the men. There is no other choice.

Speaking of bathrooms – the other night Banana came out to me to have me comb her hair after she got out of the bath.

Um yes – that wasn’t going to happen. Her hair was one big clump of soap. Big ass bubbles. I could have washed the dishes with the amount of soap still in her hair.

So I walk her back to the bathtub and I kid you not – though she’s been out of the tub for a good 10 minutes – the tub is still half full of bubbles. You can’t see the bottom of it.

Hmmm…use a little too much shampoo did we? Jesus. The good news is I don’t have to clean the tub.

Just Shrek’s swamp toilet.

My night ended with a raging migraine at 11pm. I wanted to scream and do the ugly cry but there is no way on Earth I let myself cry during a migraine because it’ll only intensify the pain so I do the normal things I usually do. Curse God, try cutting off my head, dream of ways to kill Explosive Man and make it look like an accident…the usual.

I was mad. And sad. I’m mentally and physically exhausted lately and I didn’t need or want this migraine (not that I ever do) but not tonight. I wasn’t prepared for it. I was alone. Sick. Just not up for dealing with it and not sure if I could get through it without giving in and going to the hospital.

And then?

In the midst of the blinding pain…I hear footsteps. Tiny, soft footsteps.

I feel movement on the side of Rambo’s bed. I’m in too much pain to really care who it is (it could have been a robber for all I knew) and I’m not going to turn the light on. I know it’s one of my girls.

I do want to know why they are there in case something is wrong….so I ask. It’s Banana…she says she had a nightmare. But at this point she’s right beside me, molded next to me, I hear her giggle…she’s not crying or upset.

There was no nightmare. I could give a flying f*ck at this point. For a second – I forgot about my migraine.

Banana is already sleeping.

She’s holding my hand.

I turn and look at the clock and realize it’s nearly 2am – nearly hour 4 of this pain – and the only thing I can really think about is the absolute unbelievable perfection of the softness that is this child’s hand. And the perfect smallness of it in comparison to mine. Her whole hand is wrapped around just two of my fingers.

Then I hear her breathe – almost a tiny snore. Loud enough that I don’t have to concentrate hard to hear it. I think to myself that I’ve never heard anything more beautiful in my entire life.

I lay there – feeling her tiny, soft hand against mine and listening to her perfect breathing….and I realize my migraine is gone.

Banana didn’t have a nightmare. I’ll never know what made her wake up and come in my room last night – on a night I happened to be alone – with a migraine….needing someone and something.

I can tell you she doesn’t wake up at night – ever. Usually not even during thunderstorms.

I can tell you that this is why I believe in God and guardian angels. You can call it coincidence if you want to but I never will. For me, if I can relax and calm down and back off the pain of a migraine long enough – then my pain meds will work….and that’s what happened last night when Banana gave me a reason to forget the migraine for even a second.

….a 5 year old angel walked into my bedroom last night.

By the time I woke up this morning?

She was gone.

So yah…I might live in a home with a Shrek toilet.

But I also live with real bonafide angels.

Everything is going to be okay.


Kristin50 said...

I love your blog! You always make me smile and cry in the same breath!

Glad you head is better!

And yes Harley are expensive damn bikes! Alan's is always needing this or that and usually this or that it like $100 stinking dollars!

Dawnya said...

The love a child has for a parent sometimes outweighs the love a parent has for a child. Banana saved you last night. I love it. Hope you keep the pain at bay sweetie.

Banded Mommy (Angie) said...

Aaron makes his way to our bed in the morning. He usually turns on the TV to watch some Word Girl on PBS and for any other reason I would tell him to turn it off and lay back down but then he takes my arm, pulls it out and climbs inside it and closes it up so that I am wrapping my arm around him. He makes sure that in some way I we are touching. Whether its my arm around him or our feet touching at the bottom of the bed. This is my favorite part of my day. I would stay there forever if I had a choice. I love how kids can read your mind of what you need. Then everything seems to be completely meaningless... those moments are what make us whole.

Ronnie said...

Good lord, Dawnya's damn comment made me cry. Grr.

Glad you were able to get some relief. I love this. :)

Samantha said...

Dang it, I don't even have kids and I'm all "awwwwwwwwwww" and teary eyed. :)

Rachel said...

that's it, I am having babies right now... if my hunny has any problems with this decision, I shall refer him to your blog.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

This is a wonderful moment to share. My son is like this with me. He always just knows when something is wrong. He can read my face so well. If I tell him that my stomach hurts, he will make some soft scrambled eggs for me. Sometimes, I will just be thinking about making me a drink and he will show up with it. He is like a mind-reader sometimes. I have to wonder if God gave him some super perception when he allowed the autism and mental retardation to happen. Nick is a sweet natured young man and he never ceases to amaze me.

Jen said...

awww...i love that.

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

That is so heart warming!! :)

Laura Belle said...

I think Ryan and I shall start makin' babies....cause I want some just like your little ones.

sorry about the all around poopy day. And don't worry, your shrek toilet is NOT near as bad as the man cave toilet downstairs in our house. I straight up refuse to clean that death trap.

Losing It said...

THIS is what makes all those crazy, hair-raising, want to scream moments of child rearing TOTALLY worth it!

Hope the migraine stayed away.

FitBy40 said...

Yup, I have 2 of those over here too and I thank God for them every day and night. That is so sweet, and just what you needed!

Joanna said...

I can totally relate to this one...and even though I'm lucky enough to have experienced this miracle for myself - it still gives me goosebumps at how awesome the experience can be.

What an amazing couple of kiddos you have, girl!!

mommykinz said...

I am glad your migraine is gone - its scary to be sick when you're the only adult around.
I love my "sleepovers" with my babies (10yr and 8 yrs) too. Sometimes I wish they would wake up just for a cuddle. Hope your day is great.

MandaPanda said...

I'm sorry you're not feeling well but I loved the story at the end. My kids drive me crazy but every now and then, they're just perfect.

Laurie said...

I am so glad I scrolled back from BYOC to read this. It was perfect. I love getting in bed with my daughter, although 10, she is still the softest thing in the house.
To think that you went from almost dripping snot on the pavement to beautiful and spiritual in the same post is just a true mark of your great writing.
I cleaned a toilet today. I think Shrek's wife was in there. Big boys are GROSS in the bathroom, glad you don't have to deal with THAT.