Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Crotchface and Douchecanoe.

I need to write about something happy vs the “I hate the world and it can suck my left titty” post I just wrote sooo I’d like to make a list for you. A list of things I learned about my best friend, Jenny, while we were in Chicago.


Though we have known each other since 8th grade – we have only been best friends for a little over 2.5 years. It’s pretty fair to say at this point that although I feel like we are soulmates, there are still things we are learning about each other every day.

4 days in Chicago was the longest amount of time in a row I’ve spent with Jenny. She says she still loves me so I’d have to say our trip was a success.

Anyway – here it is. The list of things I learned or noticed about my best friend over our 4 day trip to Chicago. Also in this list are things used to prove that I love her more than she loves me. I’m just sayin’.

• At times in the truck on the 3 hour drive back and forth – we talked like mad. Other times there was silence – and not a moment of it was that “I’d like to punch myself in the stomach” awkward silence.

• Jenny has a lapband so she eats like a little birdy. Every time she eats out with any of the lapband girls we were with – they all share their plates or split entrees. Not once did Jenny ask me to share my food. God love her she knew I’d stab her with a fork if she asked me to give up anything on my plate. I am no bird. I finish my plate on my own – and then share hers.

• In the morning, Jenny needs coffee. Each day she made a Starbucks run. And for me? A cold Mountain Dew. One day she even brought me ice to go with it. She is thebomb.com.

• It’s a well known fact that I bathe in and love Skittles. Let it also be known that my bestie shares my love. We stopped at a gas station and when Jenny came back to the truck…she had two packs of Skittles. Really? Could she be any more perfect?

• Jenny will incessantly laugh at me and tell everyone about my need to own and bring 33 curling irons with me to any event and then later use every last one of them and rave about their size all night – AND then go home and buy one for herself. Can I just say “I told you so?”

• When I tried new foods about 3 times over the weekend – Jenny nearly stood up and did the seal clap for me she was so proud. She is my loudest cheerleader. She knows that I eat food plain – like a cheeseburger minus the cheese…so she was like a beaming parent when I ate authentic Mexican.

• I still had a cold when I got to Chicago. Therefore, as much as I hate to admit it – I snored. Our roommate says I would snore and then Jenny would giggle. All in our sleep. See? We communicate even when we are in a coma.

• I tried one night to steal Jenny’s pillow she brought from home. She figured it out and I’d like it known that she doesn’t love me enough to let me keep it. I had to give it back. After I sneezed into it.

• Jenny and I both get carsick. But hers is worse than mine and I love her so much that I let her sit in the front of the taxi we took while I wanted to launch my cookies in the backseat.

• We both can tell by one look at the other’s face that something is wrong or the other is pissed or something. It’s a beautiful thing.

• Jenny knows my limits – and there’s no judgement for them. She freaks out accordingly when I do something out of my comfort zone. Like shop alone in Chicago for ½ hour before I’m supposed to meet her back at the hotel. Jenny couldn’t shop – she searched the whole store for me – freaking out the whole time. Seriously – how sweet is that?

• Her nickname from me is crotchface and my nickname from her is douchecanoe. Really? Does it get any better than that? People freak out when I call her crotchface – as in they think she’s going to punch me in the face – and then she just responds with douchecanoe and all is well. People stare but it’s all good.

• She gets my love for Rambo and when I miss him – she gets that too.

• Our honeymoon is over. Jenny got stuck on something in her throat in the truck on the way home. It’s nearly impossible to pull over on the interstate to throw up so yes – it happened in the truck. Only a little but still. Yours truly didn’t pass out or poop my pants or dial 911. We both knew right then that this is forever. We’re so romantic.

• Jenny trusts me more than she cares to admit. Though we were using a GPS named asshole Lola…I would tell Jenny where to turn and when to stop or go – and she’d do it. I could have told her to turn right into the ghetto and then left into a dark alley and then make a U turn into the river – and she would have.

• Jenny pees every 5 minutes and is in awe and shock that I pee about once or twice a day. She is convinced I do not have a bladder and that there is something wrong with me other than my fear of peeing in public places. She insists she would pee along the interstate in plain view any day of the week vs. holding it. She’s my idol. My vagina is too shy for that kind of thing.

• Lastly – Jenny knows my social anxieties and how little I get out or travel but somehow in a group of 50 women – we have this ability to not always be together – but always be together. By that I mean – we don’t stay glued to each other’s sides out of fear or obligation – but because it’s where we want to be. When we separate – it’s okay and good and like little mothers and children – we check in first. And when we were going somewhere as a group it was comforting to know she wouldn’t leave without knowing I was okay or where I was…and the same for me. I wasn’t going to leave without my Jenny. Four days in a huge city with all of my anxiety strapped firmly on my back – and I never felt alone.

Thank you Crotchface. For loving me. Even if I snore.

20 comments:

Lap Band Gal said...

What an adorable post :) You're right, Jen is pretty awesome.

I wish I had the opportunity to get to know you better when we were all in Chicago. Hopefully next year. HUGS!

Dawnya said...

That's love. You forgot to mention the comb and pick incident. That is burned into my mind forever.

I love you both...and I think it is awesome that you have each other. Such a wonderful blessing.

Kyla said...

Awww.. I always wondered if friends like this existed after kids and marriage. I guess they do. Lucky you!

Kristin50 said...

You always make me laugh! I look forward to that daily :) You have described the true friendship! How great that you support one another so well!

Beth Ann said...

<3 Super sweet!

Amanda said...

I love that she giggled when you snored!! That is real friend ship! Hell I just love you both.

Angela said...

I can assure you that you did NOT have authentic mexican food while you were in Chicago. Get your ass down to Texas and we can remedy that real quick! And of course....you can bring Jenny!

Jessica said...

How cute are the two of you!

Stacey said...

Everyone should have a friend like you and Jenny! What a great post! :)

Justawallflower said...

I totally pee'd on the side of a barn this weekend! What can I say, when a girl's gotta go, she's gotta go!

Love the friendship!

Fat in Suburbia said...

Aw, what a beautiful friendship. My lifelong besties are back home in Ohio and I miss them terribly but talk to them daily on FB.

Cece said...

Sweet post and yes, please say: I told you so (often) :)

Raven said...

loved this! everyone needs a Jenni in their life! and seriously? only pee once or twice A DAY????? wha???? Girl, pee like 20 times a day, NOT KIDDING. How is that even possible?

Jen said...

Awww...love bug!! I love this. You are the best, of course I giggled when you snored, b/c even when you are snoring you are the cutest little thing EVER and I love you!

Cat said...

I adore you two.

FitBy40 said...

so glad I'm not the only person who can actually pee every 5 minutes!
Cute post. True love.

Bodaciousboomer said...

Like you I have the bladder of a camel and go many hours and great distances without needing to stop. I've always considered that a plus.

Joanna said...

Awww...what a great post. You definitely have something special.

Catherine55 said...

Love you girls!! And, I love it that you guys are such good friends. Plus, that job that you or Jenny did on her hair with the 33 curling irons was so amazing that I had to have her explain the whole thing to me so I can try to replicate it at home!

MandaPanda said...

Aaawwww...what an awesome "Ode to Jenny"!