Monday, October 17, 2011

Day 1 of the Birthday Suckhole Extravaganza!

The first installment to my Birthday Suckhole Extravaganza is being written by my Imom..Sandy Lee over at The Weight Loss Rollercoaster.  I asked her to write about being a mother - because in my opinion - she's one of the best.  Thank you Sandy Lee. 


This week I was asked by Drazil, my iKid, to do a guest post for her birthday week. It made me feel special because I was the one who was always picked last when they were choosing teams. She’s decided to float in her bathtub full of skittles and take a little well deserved break from posting.

And what did she ask me to write about? “Being a mother and what it means”. And I was to include a story about the “Purity Ring” .

But first I have to clarify something. It seems when my daughter read Drazil's blog, she thought Drazil was black because of the name Sheniqua. Alas, she is not black. I’ve seen her. In the flesh, for real. She’s as white as the driven snow, although her avatar looks rather tanned IMHO.

A few months back I somehow told Drazil that she was a good mom. Imagine my surprise when she said it meant so much to her to hear that. You see, a lot of people think my parenting is a bit on the weird side but then I do have two fantastic kids, both working, both caring and kind. Neither one got into any serious trouble of crime, drugs or booze. My daughter is 28 and my son 26 (his birthday is on Thursday this week).

They both swear like me so you can see, kids are like sponges and love to mimic what we do. But I’m no expert. I am more a seat of my pants kind of mom. I was a stay at home mom for about 14 years although I worked part time occasionally. I was president of the PTA. I helped with the pizza lunches and fundraising at school. And I was bored out of my mind a lot of the time.

I have people who criticize me for calling my children “kids” but I no longer associate with people who can’t accept that we don’t all have to follow their way of doing things. I don’t think I am strict. I tried to teach them kindness and charity and right from wrong. I made sure they had contact with lots of friends. They did not have grandparents around much like a lot of people I know. They got stuff but not too much.

I have no idea how they successfully made it to 28 and 26.

OK, you’ve waited long enough for the Purity Ring story. Both my kids went to a youth group at the Pentecostal Church , although I don’t attend any church. When my daughter was 16 she came home from youth group all excited and asked if I would come with her when she married “Jesus”. The ceremony had them pledging that they would not have sex until they married and they received a ring to show their commitment.

I know most of you moms would have joyously jumped up and down to think that their daughter would keep herself for marriage. There is NOTHING wrong with that and I don’t want to offend anyone, but that wasn’t quite my reaction.

I laughed. And then I said why wouldn’t you want to have sex before you were married. You know the old try before you buy mentality.

It’s ok, I’m going to hell, I know. But it’ll be a fun place because a lot of my friends will be there too.

I told her I wouldn’t stand up with her because I didn’t believe in waiting to have sex until you were married. And she looked at me all sad because she really wanted the ring. So I told her that her father would go with her and she cheered right up. He’s Catholic (I’m not really anything) and what father would not want their child to pledge abstinence.

Off they go to the ceremony and back she comes proudly showing off her “Purity Ring”. I smiled and said how nice it was and hoped she lived up to the meaning.

Two weeks later I asked where the ring was and she said:

“Oh, a few days after I got it, I took it off to show a friend and it fell on the floor and shattered into a bunch of pieces.” When I told her she could probably get a new one, she said “That’s ok, I really only wanted the ring because it was cute, but it wasn’t that nice.”

Right. Sex before marriage it is.

Now I told this story to Drazil in Chicago . For some reason she seems to think I have really good mom skills. Well let me tell you. Her eyes got bigger and bigger. She looked like she was going to throw up. I think I had just shattered her idea of what mom’s are supposed to do and say. But I am sure when her two gorgeous daughters ask for a “Purity ring” it will be made of unbreakable iron—and very very pretty.

But all is well. You see, there is no “right way” to being a parent. Ignore the experts, throw away the books. Especially don’t listen to the MIL or busy bodies or friends who think they know it all. Years ago, a guy named Dr. Spock told parents, “You know more than you think you do.”

Stop Googling. Trying to search the internet to find out how to be a good parent is like searching for why you have a terrible skin rash. You look everywhere to find out how to deal with it and come up with some serious causes for the trouble but in reality it’s just a skin rash and the problem goes away on it’s own without much intervention.

And try not to worry. My daughter and her fiancé both ride motorcycles. My son is a pilot. They both travel all over the world. Moms will always worry and the fear and the anxiety will always be there.

That’s just what having kids is about. You really do get to write your own book. Give them love, give them a safe place to live, invite any and all friends to your house because you will always know where they are. Plug in the headphones and play loud music so you don’t have to listen to the bickering. Nobody is perfect so you might as well just stop trying to be the perfect mom, because it just won’t happen. And when your little girls asks you to stand up with her in church so she can pledge purity, you’ll know just what to say.

And last but not least, tell them you love them every day.

Happy birthday, Ms. Drazil. I hope it is one of the happiest days of your life. And like a good wine, we only get better with age. I love you.

I love you too Sandy Lee.


Miz said...

I ADORE YOU and the fact youre doing this.
happy birthday week!!

Christy @ My Dirt Road Anthem: A Runner's Blog said...

that is so funny! this ring shattered?

Joanna said...

Awww - what a great post!!! I'm kind of in the same agreement about the purity ring stuff.

Draz - you are an amazing mother, and apparently, so is Sandy Lee.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my dear friend!!

Lonicera said...

Good post - and happy birthday Draz!

Amanda said...

What a fantastic post Sandy Lee!! You are a good mama and I will always be my mumsys 'kid' because that is infact what I am! :)

Happy Birthday my little Draz! Happy Birthday!

Lucy said...

I LOVE IT! The entire story! Great job picking Sandy Lee first! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Ronnie said...

Happy birthday week, Miss D. :)

Stephanie said...

Happy Birthday week my friend. Now that Sandy Lee is one smart cookie and a great imom to us all. Her post just reaffirms why i adore her so much, because she is spot on. There is no guidebook on how to be a good mom, you just do your best, always love and care for your kids. You are a great mom, though!!

Miss S. said...

Ha ha ha! I really love this story because you sound like an unapologetic & logical mama. I bet that's why your kids are awesome. =)

Happy Birthday Week D! Hope it's fab!

Braveheart said...

Happy Birthday week Draz. First time commenter, long time follower...great post mom :)

Hey Miss S.: Yes, my mom is unapologetic and logical and she has passed that down to me, among other traits (some good, some bad).

"her avatar looks rather tanned IMHO" -- THAT IS WAY I THOUGHT YOU WERE BLACK!! your Avator is rather "brown". LOL :)

Enjoy the laughs and many happy memories that life brings. I know I am!

Jessica said...

Happy Happy Birthday week to you!

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Great post. I enjoyed the purity ring story but I would have been thrilled if either of my daughters had made such a vow. It is unrealistic to expect young ladies or men to keep such a vow these days but both my daughters have HPV now. If they had been a little more committed to abstinence they might have avoided it. They both had the Gardasil injections but still got HPV. Just something to think about when advising your daughters about intimacy and who to share it with.

Lady Lap Band said...

Happy B-day Drazil!! Oh and thanks for your comment!!


ndeffenbaugh said...

I want a birthday week, and I think that my kids would love it just as much! Happy Birthday! We can share a birthday month sometime, mine is the first.

Dawnya said...

I love this post!!!! Sandy Lee is the best iMom on the world. She is so smart. I love her smile and her spirit. Thanks for sharing. I'm pretty sure my kids are going to swear like me. Well DJ already says shit. I guess I'm doing something right.

Happy Birthday Week my beautiful friend!!

Amanda Kiska said...

Love it!

Laurie said...

I love this and I am a fly by the seat of my pants mom too, my kids know it b/c they often see me walking around pantsless.

Read said...

Awww, Sandy Lee - you are amazing! Brad and I kept putting off having kids cuz we weren't ready - ready for what I have no idea - but we waited. Then it occurred to us that no matter what we did - no matter how good and diligent we were about every little thing - our children were still going to need therapy and it was still going to be all our fault. Maybe it would be because we made them eat their broccoli too much, or because we didn't make them eat veggies at all - who knows... But, it made having them a hell of a lot easier going into it with that as a known fact.