Tuesday, October 11, 2011

NUSSING but a bunch of bullsh*t.

Isn’t it something how one person’s negative comments can take away all the good ones – in an instant?

Yesterday you all commented on how I dealt with Watermelon’s situation during volleyball and as each comment came in I was reassured that finally – I did something right as a mother. I’m used to hearing quite the opposite from my extended family so like I said – finally – I felt good about my parenting.

And then?

Last night Watermelon had a game. Let me backtrack and say that the volleyball coach Watermelon had an issue with is also my friend. Another assistant coach is my friend too. We all have kids in sports together but this is the first time my two friends have “coached”.

And I don’t like it. It’s hard to disagree with my friend’s coaching and keep it inside and tell Watermelon – agree or disagree – they are your coaches.

I want you to know that after I told my own mother what had happened the other day – for the first time in maybe my parenting life – she told me she thought I did the right thing and she was proud of the way Rambo and I had handled it. I was shocked.

And happy. And proud of us too.

Until…last night.

Rambo walked into Watermelon’s game and the assistant coach stopped him and said, “You need to have a talk with Watermelon. After you brought her back to practice, she walked back in with a smirk on her face like she was all that and got her way.”

I think Rambo was caught off guard and just said, “Yah, we’re dealing with it.”

So after the game we get home and he tells me the above and I swear to you my heart snapped in half. First off – she’s my friend.

Second – she has no idea what happened with the coach and Watermelon outside when I brought Watermelon back and she also doesn’t know that instead of crying – Watermelon was forcing herself to smile.

Third – I kid you not – this woman has a son Watermelon’s age who in soccer – cannot get through a game without a raging fit. I mean like take off his shoes and whip them and leave the field. Last year at the age of 9, he threw a fit and told me he was going to kill himself because he didn’t make a goal.

At nine.

Do you think I pulled her aside and told her to beef up her parenting skills? That at 9, it’s quite alarming to hear of suicide? That his raging tirades were affecting all the kids?

Nope – never. He’s not my kid and I trust her as a parent.

So later Watermelon comes in and tells me that one of her friends overheard the two coach friends of mine talking about Watermelon behind her back. I get that. What happened was a big deal and we all talk about each other BUT as a coach – f*ck a duck – do it when NO other player is within earshot.

Watermelon looked at me and said, “They are supposed to be the adults Mom.”

She’s right. What the hell was I supposed to say about that to make her feel better?

Say – this is life. This is what bitchy women do. You made a mistake and instead of it being over you have to re-live it every day? Apologize for her having to hear that when she never should have?

I don’t know. All I know is I am constantly scrutinized and chastised and looked down upon by my extended family because they think Rambo and I suck as parents…and I can handle that because it’s family.

Now someone outside of my family wants to tell me how to parent? That my kid has issues? When her own are far from perfect?

I want to tell these two women that I get that Watermelon did wrong and pissed them off. I want to tell them I realize they are going to talk about what went down. But I want to tell them to make damn sure no one else hears them – especially other young players.

I want to tell the one that I have never ever once told her how to parent – though I surely could have.

I want to tell them completely off for teaching my child that life and people are cruel long before she ever had to realize it.

This is why I never open my heart. This is why I don’t let anyone in. This is why I don’t belong anywhere but with Jenny and Rambo. This is why I don’t trust anyone but them.

These two women are my closest friends in town and should have my back and my kid’s backs. I watch their kids for them constantly. We hang out. Etc.

Now I’m just angry. I realize I had nothing with them – nothing real anyway. Just a friendship on the surface that means little to nothing the moment my 10 yr old does something they don’t like.

While I know Watermelon made a mistake – it could have been worse. She could have yelled and screamed and cussed and made a scene…instead of calmly walking out and taking herself out of the situation.

I found out that same night another girl left. Another girl was sobbing in the corner. Two others ended up crying that night too. Many want to quit.

Hmmm….wonder what’s wrong with this picture?

Later last night my two “friends” played in a vball league with my sister. As expected, they jumped her about Watermelon and her smiling too. How nice and awkward for my sister.

I want to ask them if it would have been better had Watermelon gone back into practice sobbing and weeping – creating a commotion and such?

Two “friends” of mine – in one night alerted Rambo and my own sister to the fact that they think Watermelon needs an attitude adjustment. I wonder if they ever saw her take care of Banana?

Watermelon is 10. It’s her first year of volleyball. It should have been nothing but fun.

Instead all I can say to her is – only a few more days – and the season is over.

Instead of being sad it’s over for another year – we are counting down the days.


Yes, you don’t have to tell me I’m being dramatic or over-reactive. I may be. It’s fresh in my mind and heart and it hurts for now….give me a couple of hours and I’ll be fine. For now – I had to write.

Sometimes the only thing I can do – is write.


Ronnie said...

I just went back and read the last entry, this IS a bunch of bullshit. I would confront these women, when you feel like you can. This behavior is unacceptable. :(

Linda said...

Ugh! First of all you handled what happened perfectly. Secondly, you handled it and that really should be the end of the story. I think these women need to get fuller lives if they can spend so much time obsessing over a simple thing a 10 year old did(not to be bitch about your friends). If you agree to coach or lead children you have to respect them and their parents. What they did by discussing the situation in front of other kids was very disrespectful to Watermelon.

Jessica said...

I totally agree with Ronnie, Watermelon is acting way older than the couches.

Also, I do not know why people say you are a "bad" parent...

I dont know many children that take care of their sisters, or pull themselves out of a situation calmly if their parents weren't good parents

Kristin50 said...

I think you have it in you to stand up to these kinds of "friends"! I know you do! :)

Keep standing firm in your resolve, you are doing the write thing.

Laura Belle said...

That's why I moved out of the small town life. And that's why I have no close girl friends, well, except for one, and then you and a few others on here. Girls/women are dramatic and full of pissy bullshit.

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do or say to those women to 'change' the people they are. You just have to ignore it and teach Watermelon that that type of attitude is wrong. And apparently you've already done that because she is acting more mature than those coaches.

The fact on how Watermelon is handling this whole situation says that not only are you and Rambo some of the most amazing parents out there, but it shows that Watermelon IS NOT going to grow up to be like those snooty coaches. She's going to grow up and be like you. And that should make you proud. Because you are amazing.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Sorry coaches. I never had good female coaches. There was always drama and favoritism where the female coaches were concerned. You handled everything just right but I would be tempted to pull Watermelon our of volley ball right now and not make her finish the season with those coaches. If they can't act like adults they don't need to be dealing with children.

Jody V said...

Wow Draz....they really suck! I can't believe they are acting that way about what happened. I was very impressed the way that you handled that situation. They should be too.

I only trust my kids, Frank and my BFF Karen. I don't have great trust for anyone else either. I thought this was something only I felt.....I'm glad I'm not alone. Hang in there...

Beth Ann said...

That totally sucks! Good coaches are so hard to find. :(

Dawnya said...

Ugh....you know I want to punch them.

Amanda said...

Good freaking lord!!
don't these women have anything better to do then talk about a ten year old. Get a life. Take care of your own families and realize children are children and YOU are an adult! Want me to kick em? I'm serious.

Put your best fake british accent on and say this " What and incredibly rude thing to say" then walk away!

See how they react to that! Works for me. But I am a snob..

Stacey said...

The fact that you question your ability to parent makes you more aware and of your ability to parent. Much better than these fluffernutters who blow sunshine up their own asses talking about how great they are with their kids (who are usually the troublemakers)

Justawallflower said...

Some parents think the only qualification to being the coach of a kids sports team is that they are a parent. They obviously do not have the maturity or skill to be a coach to a child's sports team. So sorry for your hurt. Try not to waste any more energy on them, they aren't worth it! (((hugs)))

Kelly said...

That wasn't very nice of her. And it's not her place, either. Poor Watermelon. =( I don't have kids so I have feel like whatever I have to say won't really hold any water.

Amanda said...

You handled the situation correctly. Then they mucked it up. Either they or the heads of the volleyball league need to know that they CANNOT discuss players if there is even the possibility another child can hear them and pass it on.

And they should never have brought your sister into this, either. They should have come directly to you, not gone around your back even though Rambo is Watermelon's dad.

I'm so sorry this happened :(

terbear287 said...

love small town's in BFE. You can't take a potty break without everyone spreading the word. Good luck and just know you did the right thing. Watermelon sounds like a good kid. I wouldn't worry I am sure you are doing a bang up job!

Tina said...

hmm...I think the coaches need a little talking to. Not cool at all! If you can't can Rambo? 10 year old sports is all about teaching sportsmanship...I say these coaches have done a big fail on that score.


Debi said...

I can't add anything more than everyone else has already said. Just know that you did the right thing and your kids are better for it. Those "friends" were in the wrong and I have to believe that one day it will come back to bite them in the ass.

And also, YOU RULE! ;)

Dazee Dreamer said...

You need to confront those women. I held in some anger against a family once because they didn't think my son was "good enough" meaning "not churchy enough" to hang out with their son. Do you know what I did. I totally confronted the dad at church one day. We actually went inside the chapel and I asked him why my son wasn't allowed to hang with his. He gave me a bullshit story and I called him out on it. I know you don't like confrontation. I hate it. But I finally wised up and got to the point that my kids were more important than anything else in the world.

And I also stopped going to church after that. No way in hell was I going to be around people like that who would allow their kids to play with the "good" kids, but not someone like my kids. F them.

kagead said...

It sucks that the best thing you can tell W is "You are right. They are wrong. You can't control anybody else; all you can do is control yourself, your thoughts and your actions and this time, you did the right thing."

It's cold comfort for a 10 year old but hopefully she'll take away the knowledge that the most important people in her life, you and Rambo, stood behind her.

Joanna said...

Shit like this pisses me off to no end. It's the whole those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones scenario - yet those people are always the ones to throw boulders...when they're own kids are far from perfect.

You are most definitely NOT being over dramatic - and the fact that these two women are gossiping over a 10 year old shows how mature they really are.

Give Watermelon a big hug from me - and pass on a message. People that are that shallow and mean are jealous. Period.


MandaPanda said...

OK. I've been MIA the last few days so had to go back and read what happened and pardon my french but "Fuck that lady!" Seriously. What is wrong people??? You did an amazing job with Watermelon and it was handled and dealt with. This lady sucks! OK. I'm done with that. All you can do is tell Watermelon that the lady is just ignorant, doesn't know the whole story so don't worry about it.

Shug in Boots said...

So, I had to go back and read the last post because I just found your page. Here's what I think you should do (not that I have any idea what I'm talking about). I would have a talk - all of you at once ... your daughter and the two coaches and you ... those coaches are acting like children by talking about it where other players can hear, first of all. Second of all, them asking your husband to "talk to her" shifts any accountability from them. They should have informed you and your husband of what happened at practice anyway. Age 10 is too young to leave total responsibility on the girls and not keep their parents in the loop. Especially since bits and pieces of this are happening when you aren't around. And, it will show your daughter that they are accountable as well if they are adult enough to be coaching 10 year old girls any damn way. $5 says this whole thing will have a slightly different tune once the coaches are sitting there face-to-face with you and the daughter, and it'll show them, you aren't trying to teach her to "have an attitude/give her what she wants" but in order to parent, you need to know the whole story. Hard teaching kids the right thing when the adults in the situation are acting like kids. Most importantly, you did what you thought was best as a mother and set a good example by making her go back to practice. For that, you can be proud, regardless of how it turns out. You can't help if her coaches act like bitches. Good luck. :)