Monday, October 24, 2011

Pepsi, falsies, nails, hair, and supermodel suckage.

Hello Skittles! Waaaaaasssssss up?

Me? Well – nothing much – except random beauty, high maintenance, diet, exercise and diva-licious thoughts running through my head. I feel compelled to share them.
Lucky you, I know.

1. You all know I drink Mountain Dew like Starbucks addicts drink coffee, right? Well – here’s a little secret I forgot to mention. My other drink of choice is Pepsi. It’s sick really. I mean you’d think I could pick tomato juice or something as my alternate drink – but nope!

Anywhoozle….the other day I decided I should quit drinking Pepsi.
Give one bad thing up at a time and start there.
I kid you not – as I was saying this to myself walking into work – a HUGE Pepsi semi drove by.
Like the tractor (front) of the semi was blue and red and white and the entire trailer (back) w
as one HUGE Pepsi logo.

Um – lightbulb. A sign from the soda Gods. I should not give up Pepsi. It’s not the right time.

Thank you soda Gods.

2. In Chicago, I used false eyelashes for the first time. So now - yours truly just bought a pair of lashes where the entire edge (part that sticks on your eye) is rhinestones. Yup – Ima gonna be hookerlicious in Podunk.
Or maybe just in my house. I haven’t decided.

Either way I’ll take pictures. I am waiting for the right whore-ish moment to wear them.

3. I used to wear acrylic nails – for years. It seems between jobs and lives I don’t have time to go get them done SO after listening to people rave about the new Shellac system and how a manicure lasts 3 weeks and no damage and it’s your own nail and blah blah….well – I did my research.

And I bought everything I need to do it at home – and I did it. Less than 15 minutes. Donezo. Easier than putting my hair extensions in….no lie. Once I find a cool bright color that photographs well, I’ll take a pic. Right now I just have on light pink and you can’t see it too much.

4. I’m not sure why I do my hair at home before I come to work every morning.
I get to work. Sit down. Look in the mirror that I have at my desk. Growl. Y
ell “Satan Balls!” and promptly go to the bathroom and completely re-do my hair.

If it was up – it’s now probably down. If it was half up – it’s probably all down now.
If it was down – now it’s probably up.
It’s effing reedick.

Please someone else tell me you go through this lovely routine too.
I refuse to tell anyone how many times I change my clothes in the morning.
You can’t make me.

5. Lastly, I entered a challenge with Rambo. We both want new tattoos.
We both want to look like middle-aged supermodels.
Sort of. In truth, we both just need to lose weight. I need to lose Sheniqua and
Rambo needs to lose Sheniqua’s beefy boyfriend, Jorge if you know what I mean.

So – to kill two birds with one stone – we said –
no more tattoos until we both lose 20 lbs and then we’ll go in together and get what we want.

It is time. Let it begin. I will be a runner again. Mark my words.

Rambo? Well – he’ll be an eliptical-er.

And f*ck a duck and call it Larry – I think I indeed may have to explore the idea
of giving up Pepsi if this is going to work.

Son of a bitch.

Trying to be a Supermodel sucks.


That’s it for me today – stay tuned cuz this week I’m gonna show you what Jenny and
Rambo got me for my birthday. Prepare to be jealous. Cuz you will be.

Hell – I’m jealous of me. Birthdays freaking rock!

I may or may not have cried Saturday when my birthday was over.

I'll never tell.

Tootles Skittles!


Ronnie said...

I'm an elliptical-er as well. Rambo rocks.

Good luck with the 20 lbs! :)

RockBand Barbie said...

I am the same way with my hair! My students say if they see me with my hair up that they will skip my class that day...they swear if it's up that I am having a "bad" day.

Jessica said...

Its my birthday and I'll cry if I want to... heheh Hope you had an amazing birthday!

Good luck on the 20lbs... You can doooo it!

How many tattoos do you currently have?

Miss April said...

That is awesome, all of it. The hair, the nails, the changing of clothes a ridiculous amount of times. I packed a million outfits for my 5 days in Vegas. 80 some pounds of luggage, no joke. I wore exactly what I thought I would wear and none of my 'back up' outfits. I am glad I'm not into shoes, I would have over packed those too. Oh, well who am I kidding? I DID overpack shoes, then I wore Skechers most of the time, because I'm not into breaking my ankle, ass or neck on hooker heels. One day..... I will wear them though!

I really want to see a pic of the lashes, they sound really rockstar. :)

Amanda said...

"Yup – Ima gonna be hookerlicious in Podunk.
Or maybe just in my house. I haven’t decided."

I just spit coffee! Not starbucks but same sorta thing!! xx you

Kelly said...

I'm not sure I would know how to be hooker-licious if I had step-by-step instructions!
And I'm dying to see your present. Pics, or it didn't happen, k?

Fat in Suburbia said...

Ok I've never worn false eyelashes and can't wait to see a picture with the rhinestone. Lookout Podunk!

Stephanie said...

No matter what, you are a supermodel in my eyes!! I hope you had an amazing birthday and I totally suck at sending cards, but know my thoughts and love were with you. Miss really miss you, hon!

Stephanie said...

And that was supposed to read "I really Miss You, Hon". Stupid fingers mistyping!

vickyd said...

I love how I can see the post title on my Blogger Reading List and know it's one of your posts without even seeing your name! I can't wait to see the pic of you looking hookerlicious...Podunk will never be the same!

Laura Belle said...

Shitballs. I have missed you something FIERCE!

You just reminded me that I need to finish my tattoo designs. Yes. Designzzzzz with a bit (S) because Ima gonna get TWO! Woop woop.

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

I love how fabulously divalicious you are. A girl after my own heart for sure. I need to research this shellac system now!

MandaPanda said...

Never try to be a supermodel - they're too wafe-ish (is that a word?).

Bridget said...

Good luck on the weight loss--can't wait to hear about the new tattoos!

I need a big truck to come by let me know that I don't have to give up chocolate...

Jennifer said...

Okay, you can totally become a runner again! The other day when you wrote on my blog about how it inspired you and made you think you can do a half marathon....heck yeah you can! Go for it girl! Put your mind to it and do it! I am certainly no expert but I will be glad to help in any way I can!


Carrie said...

So funny...I just told my husband as soon as I lose the pounds I am needing to lose I am getting my new tattoo!!! And a pair of True Religion jeans. I can't spend that much $ on a size I don't want!! Ha!

Love your blog!

Sarah Grecco said...

I seriously laugh so hard every time I click on your blog. I tried falsies once and it ended in disaster....if you figure out the trick LET ME KNOW. HAHA.

Get Up & Go

Shug in Boots said...

I'm addicted to Diet Mt. Dew. BAD. The worst part - our drink machine at work has it 1) IN THE CAN (way better than bottle) and 2) COLDER THAN I'VE EVER IN MY LIFE BOUGHT IT ANYWHERE ELSE ON THIS ENTIRE EARTH. #canthelpmaself

trisha said...

i've done the fake eyelashes with the rhinestones before- they're DEF reserved for divas only lol

and i am wearing my expensive ass shelac as i type - which CHIPPED yesterday after a WEEK!! dubya-tee-eff????

~Lisa~ said...

I can't wait to see the b-day present!! Geeez, talk about teasing!!

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I wish you and Rambo the best of luck with your weight loss efforts. I know you can do it. I can't wait to see your new tattoos. Maybe I will get up the courage to have one done myself.

Laurie said...

You just make me laugh.