Thursday, October 13, 2011

Prairie dogs and a Rose update.

Wanna be shocked?
Like fall off your chair and hyperventilate and maybe even poop your pants shocked?

Wait – speaking of poop. I have a story. It’s a good one.

In Chicago, I was in a hotel room with a few women – chatting away – when another certain someone bounded into the room walking like she had just finished riding a horse for 2 days straight.

Bow-legged and slow.

This person quickly blurted out, “I’ve got a major prairie dog”.

A turtlehead if you will.

Dawnya – who I love more than Care Bears love rainbows – very confused, says,
“What the holy hell? Where in God’s name are you hiding a dog in this hotel room?”

I nearly exploded my bladder and hit my head on the way to the floor as I was laughing so hard.

Then – yours truly – who doesn’t want to hear about, talk about, think about, or envision anything with the P word had to explain to Dawnya that prairie dogs stick their little heads out of their hole.
Turtles stick their little heads out of their hole.

Like a person who really has to go #2 has a sort of turd that is like a prairie dog or a turtle’s head.

Jesus, Mary and Bart – I cannot believe I just explained prairie dog on my blog.
I have no effing boundaries. It’s official.

It’s also become pretty apparent that nothing is off limits when a bunch of women from all over
the world meet in a Chicago hotel room.

Oh that sounded so seedy, didn’t it?

Okay – now on to the shocking part.

Remember last year when Watermelon was being bullied by Rose?
And yours truly was seeking your advice every day and my heart was being twisted into a knot daily?

Well get this.

Rose is coming over to my house tomorrow night – to hang out with Watermelon.
Next weekend Watermelon is going to Rose’s house for her bday party – overnight.

Last night Watermelon said to me, “Mom, how do you think Rose and I are doing?
I think we’re doing pretty good compared to last year, don’t you?”

Um yes.

I wanted to say this is how it is with little girls and that things could still go in the other
direction but for now I just looked at Rambo and he smiled at me.

Holy peanut butter dick dip – we just can’t keep up with the girl drama going on I tell you.
Would any of you have guessed this outcome?

Meanwhile, Banana – the kindergartner – said to me yesterday. “Mom, I don’t like Ryan in my class. He won’t talk to me. He talks to other girls but not me. AND? He has whiskers. They are ugly. I don’t like him.”

Anyone wanna bet me that’s who she ends up marrying some day?


Karen Butler Ogle said...

Sounds like Banana's class mate has a crush on her. LOL. They start young these days. It disturbing how young kids get into the relationship mode these days.

Lisa said...

And when she does end up marrying him, you can show (part of) this blog post at their reception. lol I would leave out the turtle part. lol

Ronnie said...

Can't believe I missed the prairie dog convo. LOL

vickyd said...

One of these days I'm gonna remember not to read your blog at co-workers think I'm a lunatic because I was laughing and snorting...I've herd of turtles but never prarie dogs...LMAO...

Jessica said...

Learn something new every day!

Banded Mommy (Angie) said...

Thanks for the Rose update. I worried about Watermelon everyday last year... I would refresh your blog many times a day so I could check and see how she was. She is a super strong girl just like her mama!
Its interesting that they are becoming better friends now. It happened to me when I was in 5th grade. Then the girl that would tell on me or make fun of me turned into my best friend.

Jen said...

The certain someone should be ashamed, right?
Poor Dawnya!

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

I'm with Dawnya -- I've never heard of a prairie dog in my life. (And I live on the prairies! hahaha) But that's ok, I also once thought a "fudge packer" was a really sweet profession. hahahaha

Beth Ann said...

Girl drama is EXHAUSTING!! :)

Laura Belle said...

How the heck does a kindergartener have freaking whiskers?? Or did you type whiskey? Wait, that's not right either. Ya it was whiskers, I just scrolled up and checked.

how does that happen? If I were you it sounds like he's progressing WAY to fast and you need to keep Banana far far far away from him.

I'm so happy that it's all working out with Watermelon. But yes, I'm sure it'll change into some crazy girl drama later on. Just keep calm and buy shoes.

FitBy40 said...

oh boy, this is what I'm in for with two girls huh? Love it. I'll be asking YOU for parenting advice next year!

Justawallflower said...

I was totally thinking about Rose in Chicago, but didn't bring her up! I have to constantly tell my daughter, when she has these tiffs, that your feelings about a friend today will likely be completely different tomorrow, and different again the following day!

To funny about Bananna!

Maria said...

I seriously just slapped my knee while I was laughing at the prairie dog part. Oh geez... Knee slapper!