Monday, October 3, 2011

A synopsis of 4 days with 55 women.

This weekend I spent about 4 days with approximately 55 other bloggers.  I shall highlight the experience now....feel free to sit on the edge of your seat in tingling excitement.

* I want to first say that I shopped ALONE - in a freaking huge city.  With shitloads of people all around me.  I may or may not have pooped my pants in fear during the outing - but I did it. 

Wanna know the funny thing?  Jenny freaked out more than I did.  She agreed to leave me - then freaked out and looked all over the store for me and went back to the hotel searching for me and to quote her she said she thought to herself...."If I lose Draz in this city, Rambo is going to send inmates after me to shank me to death."  I have made Jenny a paranoid spaz like myself.  My evil plan is working.  She was so super proud of me though.

*  During a meal with multiple women - a rather lean and thin gorgeous woman I was with went to the restroom.  It was then that she realized she had left an entire skirt around her waist and under her pants and not even noticed.  She had originally had a skirt on and then changed to pants and had put them on under the skirt - meaning to then take the skirt off - but forgot.  We laughed our collective asses off over the fact that she peed - and found a skirt. 

*  Certain people in my life love me more than others.  I have proof of this.  While one of them was in the bathroom on the toilet taking care of some "bizness" - I simply stated I could use a comb for my hair.  Suddenly a comb came flying out from under the bathroom door.  And then 30 seconds later a hair pick came flying out.  That is love folks.  That is also multi-tasking like I've never seen.

* Wanna know the two questions I was asked the most from people who met me for the first time? 
  #1 is *How did you and Jenny meet?*  #2 is *Is Explosive Man real?*  (unfortunately he is super real)

*  Go ahead and google "inverted cobra".  You will see it is a rollercoaster.  I want to point out to everyone in blog land that it is also an amazing sexual "signature move" and no - I shall never tell you who performs this inverted cobra signature move.  I just think it's important to know that sexual positions should be named things like inverted cobra because I freaking love the idea.  I wish I'd thought of it first.

*  Karamel Sutra is orgasm-inducing ice cream.  I may or may not have ingested an entire pint each night and refused to share with any of the woman I claim to love.  Apparently I love ice cream more.

*  I spent the most amount of money on the food I ate.  I'm not sure what that says about me - but I'm pretty sure it's not good and fairly certain Sheniqua is happier than she has ever been.

* I have turned some people into real life shoe whores....and I have never been more proud.  On the flip side - I have turned many people into pen thieves.  Not sure that's such a great thing for the pen owners but my God - it brings a tear to my eye.

*  I am no longer a sex toy shop virgin.  Immediately after visiting the sex toy shop we went and got a slice of world-famous pie.  As long as I live - this day in my life will be know as pie and porn day.  Epic indeed.

* I am also no longer a Cheesecake Factory virgin.  Cheesecake and how I feel about it ranks right up there with how I feel about Rambo.  Just sayin'.

*  My girls cleaned the house while I was gone and Rambo cleaned the toilets.  I wept with joy - and lied and told them it was because I missed them so much when really it was just joy over not having to clean the house or toilet.

* The 55-ish women I went with are the cat's meow.  Like as amazing as Skittle baths and days at work without Explosive Man.  I was grateful to be involved in the weekend!

***  Lastly - if you have pics of me - please post them on your FB or blog using my real name instead of Draz.  Then my face/pic won't lead to my blog.  And don't tag me in FB photos unless I look like a Supermodel in the picture which translates into never....or just please ask me first if it's alright!  Thanks!

22 comments:

Jen said...

Thank you so much for a fabulous weekend, so glad that you were able to have fun too- I know you and the other planners were still working on making sure we all had a good time the whole weekend too. Planners are the best!

Fat in Suburbia said...

It sounds like you had an awesome time and I am so jealous. I'm still a sex toy shop virgin.

Cat said...

I was wondering about the Sex toy shop. Not that I'm all pervy like that of course...but I was wondering if Steph J got you there. Hee hee.

Also - apparently Steph J was not one of the shoe whores as she is contemplating changing her blog title after never wanting to see a high heeled shoe again. /sadface

Finally - I swear to carebear land and skittles if you are not there at Boobs 3.0 I will have to find out where you live and come kidnap you cause I needs to meet you girlie!

So happy to see you posting again. *heart you*

Bonnie said...

Aren't sex shops the best???.....congrats on your "alone" time shopping.....Chicago is AMAZING!!!!....Glad you had a blast.....memories are forever....did you get any new shoes?.....pics please, lol

Gotta get me some of that ice cream!!!!!

vickyd said...

Sounds like you had a blast and I echo Cat's remark...I will help her kidnap you (I'm sure the two of us can take on Rambo, right?...LOL) I'm glad they drug you to the sex shop...hopefully, you took home a prezzie for Rambo.

So glad you are back!!

Shannon said...

it was so great to meet you!!! I am so glad I got to share this experiance with you!

speck said...

I am dying over the skirt. That is hilarious.

As for the request for no pictures. You are to late. I already saw you scoping out the sex toys on the store's security camera! lol JK(don't kill me)

It sounds like you and the girls had a fabulous time. I hope to meet you next year.

Jessica said...

Glad you had a good time :)

Manda said...

Sounds like you had a blast! Too bad I can't see pics. :(

~Lisa~ said...

Sounds like an absolutely AMAZING time!!

Liz said...

I bought another pair of shoes yesterday on my way to the airport. You are a very bad influence...

Ms. M said...

You're definitely a bad influence... I bought boots that I'm not even supposed to wear and I'm totally blaming you, lol.

<3

Beth Ann said...

You are one beautiful chica! I absolutely loved the shoes you wore Saturday night. :)

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

You must have thought you died and went to heaven -- coming home to clean toilets and all. Wow, I'd say that ranks right up there with the complete BOOBS experience.

Joey said...

I laughed til I thought I'd die! I love you!

Barbara said...

You are absolutely the sweetest person in the world.. I love you... you made me smile XXX OOOO

Dawnya said...

All I could do was laugh..especially regarding the skirt in the pants (she almsot made me pee when she told me this)...and the comb and pick under the bathroom door. LOL

I love you chica!!! It was so much fun spending so much time with you.

Next time your ass will share that icecream with me. LOL

Dinnerland said...

Great post, glad it was awesome-- and I didn't know that "shank" was a verb (as in "to shank someone to death.") I thought it was a noun, but maybe I am just a grammar loser to even ask this question or notice!!! I love all the prison info I get from this blog as a 'side dish...'

Band Groupie said...

First THANK YOU so very much for all the hard work!!! I had a fabulous time and you planners are the reason for it.

I'm glad we finally got to spend a little time together the last night...even though we were all in a BOOBs coma by then LOL. I truly think you need to leave that book (with a bookmark on the appropriate page) on the back of the toilet in the office...which would mean you'd have to go in there...OK, not good.

You're even more beautiful in person GF! Love you bunches!!! -BG

Miss April said...

These are some amazing highlights, it sounds like a great trip and time well spent. That is awesome. Porn store and cheesecake Factory... about time, woman! :)

Andrea said...

I'm so sad I missed this. It seems like it was an amazing time! Next year for sure...

trisha said...

omg girl I can't believe you'd never had cheesecake factory before!!! now you're going to induce me to take a trip to the city just for that. fat girl sydrome i guess!! haha