Tuesday, November 22, 2011

God help me but it’s that time of year again.

Wanting to kill anyone who claims to be my family time? Nope.

Turkey time? Nope.

Putting up the tree time? Nope.

Having a bowl of Xanax and milk for breakfast time? Nope.

It is not the TIME for any of those things just yet. They are coming – just not yet. I thought it was starting yesterday when my mother-in-law emailed me for the 4th time about the f*cking mashed potatoes.

I’m not kidding. If I ever get old enough or bored enough o email someone solely about mashed potatoes – just bury me. Please.

Okay, okay – soooo – it is that time of year again when I have to do something I hate doing. Like typing about it gives me hives in my ass crack. Like I’d rather email my mother-in-law back about the potatoes. Like I’d rather run my toes over with a lawnmower on purpose.

It’s a deep hate for this thing I think I have to do once every year. For the dumbest of reasons.

It is asking for a raise and it’s hard because I have to get the pink plaid balls of steel out of the closet and tell everyone how great I am even though saying it out loud makes me want to vomit.

I’m nothing if not thorough. I did my research. Looked over state wage surveys. Made spreadsheets with numbers and averages. Even got enough cahoneys to make an entire one page list of my accomplishments over the years.

And a week ago, I gave the info to the board members for my 2nd PT job. There was no turning back. I wanted a 10% raise for our manager and for me? I was asking for more than double my current wage (no idea the percentage - I just asked for over double the amount since I just make a monthly amount).  Yikes.  Overachieving at it's finest I guess.

I had the research and data to back up my request and still – I’d rather have had Thanksgiving dinner with Justin Bieber groupies than have to imagine what the board members thought of my request.

You see, when I took this job, the Board had to borrow money to pay our electricity bills at the plant. Today, 3 years later – our accounts have over $300k in them. I’ve done my work. I’ve paid my dues. I’m worth the salary I am requesting.

But there’s an asshole named Drazil who sits on my shoulder screaming, “You are a greedy witch and they are never going to pay you what you want because you don’t deserve it.”

I’m happy to report that last night I kicked him in his tiny, green lizard balls…HARD.

My plant manager walked out with a 10% raise. Unhead of in this economy, right?

And me? I more than doubled my current salary….apparently the board members didn’t even hesitate to vote YES.

I guess once a year I can do this. I can write down what I’m worth and what I do and how I do it. The goal in the future is to believe it the other 364 days of the year.

I’m not sure why it’s so hard to stand up and believe in yourself and plead others to believe it as well. I wish it wasn’t. And I’m going to work on that.

So tell me – how do you ask for raises? Or do you?

I know friends who refuse to even ask out of fear and because of that – they remain underpaid. I know places like where I work full time and in my 3rd PT job – raises are automatic annually and there is no asking involved. (LOVE that!)

How do you do it? Is it hard for you? Do you research or wing it? Do you dread doing it?  Love it?

Do tell....inquiring minds want to know!


Mewizza said...

200% is supposed to be 100% LOL

Michelle said...

To avoid hives in your asscrack, this is what I think you should do because I've tried it once and it worked therefore I am an expert. Guys don't get nervous before they ask for raises because of their inflated sense of confidence and overall high opinions of themselves. Think like a dude...Walk in there like its no big deal, say this is how much you want and this is why. You've already mapped it out and you're worthwhile to the company. If they push back say another company would love to have your skills so you hope they reconsider. I only got about half of what I asked for but it was at least more than I had before. Grab your proverbial balls and do it. And tell Drazil to shut up. And read "Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office" for more inspiration.

Michelle said...

ps- thats officially the longest comment I've ever written. You're welcome.

vickyd said...

Congratulations on the raise and for working up the balls to ask for it! I'm one of the lucky people who receives an annual raise without having to ask for it. Our raises are based entirely on our annual review (which makes me happy because mine have always been excellent). I realize how lucky I am to have a job I enjoy and a paycheck that truely reflects the hard work I put into it...

Cat said...

Congratulations on the raise love bug!! You sooo deserve it. In my organization we didn't get raises for 3 years. Budget cuts yada yada. Our organization is starting to incorporate raises again. We don't have to prove our worth, we just get raises. I suppose in all fairness the raise isn't to be "expected" but it pretty much is. You do have a performance evaluation but that is more goals to work on for the coming year. Few people don't get their entire meritous increase for the year. It can be anywhere from zero to 2.5%. It used to be up to 3% but only up to 2.5% now.

Sarah from Onmyweightohappiness said...

Way to go on your raise, you totally deserve it! I've been lucky enough in my job that we have gotten our annual raises every March without us having to ask.

Stephanie said...

Good job on the pay raise. You totally deserve it after turning them around financially. For me, I've never really had to ask for a raise. Every year for the last 11 years, I've gotten one...although this year's raise was delayed by 3 months until the university's enrollment numbers were finalized. About 5 years ago, I requested my position be re-evaluated and bumped to a new pay grade and for that I had to do about 20 pages of paerwork telling them WHY I deserved it and what I did (shouldn't they already know what I do?) but I was approved and for a 15% payraise on top of my annual raise. So happy for you. Pay raise = More shoes

MandaPanda said...

Congratulations on the raise! You are certainly worth EVERY penny!

Working for a big corporation can sometimes suck. We have annual raises so no asking which is great but that also means no negotiation on how much that pittance might be. And therein lies the rub. Luckily, this year, I got a new position and a new salary to go with it so I am super duper happy. I usually don't see my raise until February and will undoubtedly not see one because of this move but still totally worth it.

Laura Belle said...

We get a raise depending on how we fill out this bogus butthole of a review. Then, every year, just to piss off the managers, I tell them that's not enough and I need more. They end up giving in, because I'm a badass and all.

But Ryan? Nope, hasn't had a raise in 3 years. And he even took on a leadership position a year ago with 3 times as much work....but he won't ask. Drives me nuts.

We have to fight for everything in this little world, so if putting out there that you're a badass, because we all know you are, is the thing to do, then it's the thing to do. And now your richer. Go forth and buy boots!

Miss April said...

I write my own program budget, so I always write in 25-30% over on the 'Personnel Salary' account. The money is there, they just have to do an employee eval and approve. I would have reasons if they asked me, but they don't. They are careless like that, and it's to my advantage because I don't do a good job talking up about myself. I am my least favorite subject.

Congrats to you for the raise. Double? Umm yeah, you rock!

mommykinz said...

Whoo Hoo Fantabulous!! So proud.
I'm a teacher so thankfully I don't ever have to ask for a raise, although as CEO of my family and house, I'd definitely like a raise here!!
Well done you put the lizard in its place!!

Lucy said...

Have I told you how happy your writing makes me? I think there should be a law passed that says you MUST post a blog daily. I'm not sure what you do but it sounds to me like you totally earn your keep and I'm proud that you got some whale size balls up and asked for what you deserve. I know it is hard to opening say "Hey FUCKERS, I'm worth it" but you did it and it worked in your favor!

Ms. M said...

Yay! You survived this season & met with success again! I remember when you went through this last year. You are worth everything they give you and MORE. Gawd knows its been too long since I had a regular job for me to remember what asking for a raise was like... but I know with my jewelry I have a heck of a time getting myself to price it at what I know its really worth. Total mental thing I know... and I'm working on it. Congrats on your raise! Loves you

Beth Ann said...

Damn, girl, that is absolutely impressive. I love my job and my company, but we haven't given out raises since the '08 bust. I'm glad that you (and they!) saw you are worth it!!

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

Good for you! I work for my brothers, I have never asked for a raise, I've gotten a few, because I've changed positions, but I have it pretty good over here, so I don't ask...maybe I should polish off my balls and use em!

Joanna said...

YAY!! Congrats on finding those awesome pink balls of yours...and YAY that the board liked those pink balls and gave you what you wanted...and deserved.

Luckily, for me, I have one of those jobs that gets a yearly increase. It's state wide - so there's no way I'd get a raise if I asked for one... cause that would mean giving everyone with the same position as me in the state the same raise.

Jessica said...

Only had to ask once... and I went fully loaded like you did.

Current job gives automatic raises

Barbara said...

Yep, Draz IS a Rock Star.. your post made me laugh to the point of snorting... and congrats on the raise.. good job

Band Groupie said...

YAY MONEY!!! More shoes...and boots...and nailpolish...and...

Good job!!!...you know I love a good spreadsheet...works every time...because it gives you the confidence to know you deserve it! Rock on!!!!

Samantha said...

Congrats on the raise!! that's awesome, and doubly so since I know how difficult it can be to ask/talk up yourself. Consider yourself lucky too! I work for the city and I've gotten one 2% raise in the last 4 years.. And then 5 days off without pay for the last 4 years. All to help balance the city budget. This year they are "keeping an eye on things for 2012 to see if we can give out raises" .. yeah right. So again, congrats so much on your raise!

Justawallflower said...

um, I have never asked for a raise. In fact, when I started at my current company I had a set mind I wanted to make in mind, and had my research and list of qualifications and a speech rehearsed and all. I never brought it up. I am making $2.50/hr. less then that all because I didn't have the balls!