Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Happy Napper my ass!!

Let’s all enjoy another episode of “Draz should be Mother of the Year” – shall we?

Yes, let’s. “Twill be fun.
Okay so -  Banana is 6 – therefore she still believes HEAVILY in Santa. We’re doing the incessant questioning daily now. For example – I hear any of the following about 50 bazillion times a day.

Is tomorrow Cmas?
When is Santa coming?
Can we leave cookies out tonight?
Will you add more to my Cmas list?
Can we put up more lights?
When is Santa coming?
Is tomorrow Cmas?

It’s fun for about the first 2 hours only.

Anywhoozle, my Banana wants a Happy Napper. Thank you oh commercial makers. She wouldn’t even know what one is if you didn’t run your commercial 24/7 on every cartoon channel that exists.

She wants a unicorn Happy Napper.

Fine. Good.

Well actually NOT fine. The stores here carry every f*cking Happy Napper except a unicorn.

Jesus tits and Mary’s ass.

Sooo being the good mother I am – I order the unicorn Happy Napper online.

While waiting for it to arrive one day I ask Banana what she wants for Cmas again. She says a Happy Napper. Only THIS time she says she wants a KITTEN Happy Napper.


Me: I thought you wanted a unicorn.

B: I did – but not anymore.

Me: There is no such thing as a kitty Happy Napper.

B: Sure there is.

Me: Well what happens if you get a unicorn?

B: Oh I’ll keep it but I really want a kitty one.

Of course you do.


Days later the Happy Napper arrives to my office at work. I bring it home because Banana is not going to be in my car that day. I also get some groceries that day.

I get home. I decide to the play the “see how many bags I can carry before my arms and thumbs turn purple and fall off” game and end up carrying about 16 bags upstairs.

After I ice my back and take a Vicodin and stop hyperventilating (who needs a treadmill)…I take a nap. I clean. I do all sorts of things. I do everything but remember that there is a Happy Napper in my car. In the back seat. Next to Banana’s booster seat.

Until – the next night when we are all going somewhere. Rambo and I tell the girls to get in the car – we’ll be there in a minute.

We enter the garage minutes later to hear squealing and giggling.

What could possibly be so fun about getting in the car?


Watermelon is yelling, “Look what we found!” Banana is screaming, “It’s a Happy Napper!!!”


Both Rambo and I yell, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Give me that box. It’s not yours. Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to open boxes that clearly don’t have your name on them?

Ugh – well –so I immediately say, “Yes, Santa may have given me a present or two early to mark some things off his list. Now forget you ever saw it or I may have to give it to some other kid.”

I tell Rambo it’ll be fine. I’m convinced that this 6 year old of ours will forget the Happy Napper in about 5 minutes.

Days later and I now have proof that I am wrong.

Let me just tell you how the daily conversation has changed since the “accidental Happy Napper unveiling”.

Here’s what comes out of Banana’s mouth about every five minutes now:

Is tomorrow Cmas?
When is Santa coming?
When can I have that Happy Napper I found?
Can we leave cookies out tonight?
Will you add more to my Cmas list?
Can we put up more lights?
When can I have that Happy Napper I found?
When is Santa coming?
Is tomorrow Cmas?
When can I have that Happy Napper from the car?

Moral of the story: Six year olds never forget anything they find that is supposed to be from Santa.

So far Banana has told every person she knows – and some she doesn’t – about the Happy Napper sighting.

Yup – mother of the year – that’s me. Right here.

Don’t hate. It’s really hard to suck this much without even trying.


Bodaciousboomer said...

When it comes to finding presents early, my kids always had the sharpest of memories; when it came to keeping their room clean, not so much.

Good luck with Banana and your Happy Napper debacle.

Dawnya said...

Hilarious!! I have to google Happy Napper, because I have no idea what the hell it is. LOL

Banana wants her damn Happy Napper. Give it up Mom!!

Dawnya said...

Okay...I now know what a Happy Napper is. I saw them at walgreens last night. Too funny.

Cat said...

HAHAHA, I never heard of Happy napper before this post. I bet now I'll be seeing them or references to them EVERYWHERE! Hee hee.

Poor Banana, any chance Banana could open it early? Say on Christmas Eve or something? Do one present for each girl on Cmas Eve? Just a thought.

*sparkle hearts with Happy Napper Unicorn horns*

MandaPanda said...

Bwahahahah! Cracked me up! At least it didn't ruin the poor child's belief in Santa. I've had to do some quick thinking with my girls from time to time when I've gotten busted. It'll be alright.

Laura Belle said...

Wait, I have to google happy napper.....

Ohhhh, so it's a pillow. Thing.


I can't wait till I have kids.

Janis said...

I can't remember what it was that I found as a kid, but I seem to recall it falling on my head from a closet shelf. I might not have been looking for it, I can't remember. I cannot for the life of me oh shit I think it was a Mrs. Beasley doll. *facepalm* My mom would know ...

Take heart that she might never forget the Happy Napper, but YOU will never forget the day she found the Happy Napper in the car and will be reminding her of it when she'd 40. Heh heh ...

Banded Mommy (Angie) said...

LOL... yes my 4 year old would have done something very similar. They are too quick for their own Nike's. We hide all the presents in our closet that has no door on it and it becomes quite comical the excuses we have to come up with in order for Aaron to stay out of it. We put a sheet over everything, that we keep in bags until xmas eve, and he know and asks instantly... Mommy what's that over there??" Damn kids. :)

Jessica said...

I didnt even know what that was LOL....

Sorry for Banana finding her gift early... I was always the pesky kid that went searching for her gifts... and would find them and unwrap them and rewrap them... hehe

Sam said...

He...he.. That is so funny. Good luck with that surprise :o)

Can you go and swap it for the kitty one she wants, that would really through her for a loop :o)

Kyla said...

I think you did good!

Ronnie said...

Ugh, those drive me crazy. I bought the boys each a mini pillow pet and they never even use them, no happy nappers for them.

Maren said...

Hahaha, I have no idea what a Happy NApper is, but I loved this story. :D

Beth Ann said...

The same thing just happened to my godson and his mother. She is SO mad! I think Banana is just happy to be getting her Happy Napper. :)

Lucy said...

There is no way that that makes you a bad mother... That is going to be a great story for her one day.

Kelly said...

Hmm. Well, at least she's happy about her Xmas present, right? Right?!

Rachel said...

I LOVE IT! I totally spent my entire childhood present hunting.... muhahahah! xxx

Karen Butler Ogle said...

This is not your fault. Kids are relentless at Christmas. I would just keep putting her off and saying that the gift might not be for her. Remind her that she didn't want a unicorn happy napper and maybe Santa will bring the one she wants. Anything to take her mind away from the fact that she stumbled onto her gift. I would be angry at her. My kids were always snooping into presents and I hated when they found their gifts before Christmas. Bahhh. How frustrating for you. Believe me though, it has happened to all of us.

FitBy40 said...

Now I have to go and google Happy Napper!

Amanda said...

What the hell is a Happy Napper? I will google it now!

Oh the joys of Christmas and Kids!

The funny thing is I saw 'twill be fun' all the time but when I read it in your post I could hear your voice saying!