Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I love root canals.

I'm not kidding. I mean that. I’m not being sarcastic in any way, shape or form.

Proof I’m crazy? I think not.

First let me tell you that my best friend Jenny is FAH-REAKING out over MY root canal.

Like really freaking out. Her and I have been so busy lately that we’ve gone DAYS without talking to each other (gasp) BUT we always email. Which I did. And I casually mentioned I was having a root canal and then I would be taking Watermelon to basketball practice.

I hit the *send* button and 5 seconds later my phone was ringing and it was Jenny.

Apparently my “I could kill a dinosaur with the sheer amount of stubbornness and strength in just my left toe” best friend is scared shitless of root canals. Let me also say she’s never had one. She’s just read about them on the internet.  God love her.

She was panicking and asking how I was going to work and how all the old sayings say that people would rather do ANYTHING than have a root canal.

I told her to calm down, that it’d be fine and that she was a complete wussy.

She had a hard time talking about it. Especially when I mentioned blood and gunk and lancing and such.

In fact – at that point she rudely interrupted me and yelled – “Lalala, I can’t hear you. Poop. Puke. Pee. Diarrhea running down your leg.”

I stopped. I got her point. As much as she can’t talk about or doesn’t want to hear about root canal crap – I do not want to hear about well – literal “crap”.

We both have insane fears. Sue us.

Anyway, I went for my root canal and I want to say that now more than I ever have been – I am Jenny’s twin.

You see, Jenny has a lap band. A little device in her stomach that helps her to eat less and in small portions so she can get to and maintain a healthy weight. This tool makes her take small bites. It requires her to c hew very well before swallowing. To not eat certain bad foods – like very dense, chewy bread…or she’ll be in pain. It makes her not hungry as often. Makes her only want to eat small portions. Etc. Etc.

You get my point.

In essence - my best friend eats like a bird. And I’ve always been jealous.

Cuz I eat like an elephant. And cuz when we go out to eat and I eat my order and all of hers that she doesn’t eat – I feel like an idiot. So I always say I want her lap band for my own.


It’s my root canal.

Listen to this.

Since having my root canal done…after the numbness wore off which by the way went all the way up to my EYE!....this is the new me:

If I want to eat I have to take teeny bites because I can only chew with one side. I have to chew very well because I’m only using half my teeth so it takes longer. Taking longer to eat means I’m full faster. I cannot eat things like bread because it’s just too much to chew and get in and it’s not worth the effort. My normal staples of taffy and milk duds are a complete no no. I don’t even really want to eat cuz it’s just too much trouble. The sensitivity to cold prior to having it fixed even cut my intense need for Mountain Dew.

And when I’m ready to cry because I can’t properly chew Skittles because biting down hurts – then I remember the dentist gave me Tylenol with codeine and I forget my pain and who I am and where I live so everything is fine again.

Okay fine – it’s nothing like having a lap band. Cut me some slack. It’s a “glass half full” deal. It’s the best I can do with what I got.

And did I mention I got Tylenol with codeine? Cuz I do.


RockBand Barbie said...

I would take poop talk over a root canal any day...but I am jealous that your cold sensitivity curbed your desire for the liquid crack. This band has done nothing to curb mine...3 days and no liquid crack for me :(

Kristin50 said...

OMG I hate them, after my two in two days last month I never want to have another. LOL

I have to go on Tuesday to have the last part of it done, I am not looking forward to this.

Have I told you how much you make me smile!

Jessica said...

I never had any of that with my root canal... Yay for eating less though... LOL

Justawallflower said...

I have to say, I really enjoy the dentist in general. I find it very relaxing. But I've never had anything more than a cleaning. Not so much as a fill or anything, so my opinion has never been tainted by bad experience. Enjoy your codeine!

Lynda said...

I had a root canal recently and (don't hate me Kristin) it really wasn't that bad. I, too, was numb up to my eyeballs. I tried to answer the phone and wound up smacking myself in the face because I couldn't tell where my ear was. (true story).

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I've never had one either. I askeered to.

Chubby McGee said...

OMG. MAJOR hugs. I hate anything that is related to teeth. It freaks me out more than the "P" words upset you.

Joanna said...

I've never had one - but I'm in the same club as Jenny...they scare me to death.

Although...I'm considering I want to eat less...and you might have just talked me in to it.

Jessica said...

Never had a root canal...I've been avoiding the dentist like the plague because the sadists want my wisdom teeth!! But...Tylenol with codeine...might make it all worth it!!!

mommykinz said...

I don't even have teeth filled without laughing gas. I love me some legal drugs.
Hope you're your skittles eating self in no time

Carrie said...

I had to get a root canal earlier this year and on the way I kept telling my husband "you know, people have died at the dentist getting shit like this", dramatic much?!!?!? It wasn't so bad after it was all said and done. I will say though, it did not make me eat any less!!! I seem to have no problem in that area.

Lucy said...

I've had to have 4 of the damn things! What do I hate most about them? The cost? I like nothing about them and they have never helped me to eat less... bleh! :-)

Cece said...

I had one ... got all freaked out beforehand and it was nussing ! Oh, wait .. I left with drugs :)

Rachellabelle said...

I've never had a root canal, so I don't know what it was like, but good for you for getting through it. I have had gum surgery, and that was none too pleasant.

Enjoy your tylenols while they last. Just think of them as sugar free skittles.

Sandy Lee said...

I come make you goulash soup. no need to chew too much.

Dawnya said...

I can totally see Jen freaking out about this. It's to funny. LOL

MandaPanda said...

I can't handle ANYTHING having to do with the dentist. Forget root canals..I'm talking fillings, cleanings, anything. WHen I had my wisdom teeth removed, I almost passed out.

Jen said...

I can't type about it.

Ronnie said...

I've had one. Not so bad.

Laura Belle said...

Just pass those little druggies over this-a-way, please. And thank you.

andy said...

Teeth Needing Root Canals Can Heal with Diet Alone .I’ve never heard this before.Very, very interesting. It is so empowering to know the choice is in our hands, not the dentists.Your comment is so true.It’s frustrating as a holistic dentist to see dental schools still teaching dentists that a root canal is good. nice post.