Thursday, November 10, 2011

Top ten reasons that you may have taken blogging too far.

1. You check blogger constantly as in you create fake moments of “free time” so you can check blogs. For example, I went pee yesterday. When I didn’t have to. With my laptop. So I could check blogs. For those of you who read blogs while doing #2 – please refrain from telling me this.


2. You’ve just had the best sex of your life and in the romantic, glistening perspiration afterglow moment, he asks, “Mmmm, how was that for you?” You answer, “Amazing. I can’t wait to blog about it. Thanks for the material.” When he gasps in shock, you calmly reassure him and say, “Don’t worry. I’m not going to use your real name.”

3. When you refer to people in your real life conversations by their blog names. For example, “The Black Butterfly and Beer and Dogs are going out with the Something Something Fat Chick over at Fat In Suburbia’s house.”  People tend to look at you like you have two heads....and well....that's probably warranted if you're speaking "blog".

4. While daydreaming, you find yourself making up blog names for people in your real life. Like for example – Explosive Man. I imagine his blog would be called: Explosive Man Musings - Tales of how I make Draz sick every day!  And then I imagine him calling Jenny, my best friend the blog designer and saying, “Hey, what’s something creative we can do with turds?  Can we make the background color brown?"

Another guy I work with would have a blog called, “I wear too much cologne and everyone knows it but me.” My co-worker who I call Martha Stewart would have a blog entry titled, “How to make any camel toe look good using lace and buttons.”

5. You start calling people in your real life by the code names you call them in your blog. I - no lie -  totally do this. I call my husband Rambo and my kids Watermelon and Banana. The key is NOT to call my co-worker Explosive Man. That would be bad.

6. You carry a camera, notebook and pen with you wherever you go so you never miss a blog picture or material – so much so that people think you’re a freaking reporter.

7. You have more emails in your inbox from complete strangers and people you have never met with names you don’t know than from people you love and do know.

8. You go to a store with your only intention being to try on clothes and take pics in the dressing room for your blog – not to really buy anything. Then you get pissed when the lighting sucks and the background colors are all wrong in said dressing room and you throw a tantrum in the store.

9. You ask for money for your birthday and holidays and pick up a part time job solely to save money to be able to buy a professional new blog design layout because a simple header crafted with your own hands just doesn’t represent “the real you” anymore and because duh - “everyone is doing it.”.

10. When someone asks for a recent photo of you – you give them one….only it’s a “photo” of what you’d look like as a cartoon istock image. You even consider asking the Department of Transportation if they could use your cartoon image on your driver’s license because “it’s how you’d LIKE to look” – as a cartoon you know.

Tootles, Skittles!  Have a great, gumdrop farting kind of day!  See you for BYOC tomorrow!

26 comments:

Laura Belle said...

This is fantastic. Just fantastic.

And I only do about 7 out of 10.....that's good right??? lol.

Dawnya said...

I do none of these things....nope...not me. I'm not a blog stalker. Nope...yeah right...I read these damn blogs more than I read the daily news. LOL

RockBand Barbie said...

I would totally love to replace my drivers license photo with the Istock cartoon!

Justawallflower said...

This has to be one of my favorite posts of all time! I love, love, love it!

Maria said...

OMG, I snorted at the camel toe blog title!

Jessica said...

I <3 this post!

Vanessa @ Gourmet Runner said...

I refuse to admit how many of these I do in real life! Too funny!
:)

Janis said...

“The Black Butterfly and Beer and Dogs are going out with the Something Something Fat Chick over at Fat In Suburbia’s house.”

A bunch of online people I knew got together at a hotel once, and once there I called the room of someone I knew online as Widget. She answered with her real name and I thought I had dialed the wrong number, apologized, and hung up before it occurred to me that her mother probably didn't name her Widget. o_O This was near on ten years ago.

Cat said...

I totallly have RL names for blog friends so G knows who I'm talking about. For example Laura is "Wyatt's Mom", you are "Rambos wife", Beth Ann is BlogAnn etc. it's fun!

Cece said...

Love it. Simply, love it. Call an agent and start a book, already !

Read said...

So much fun and sadly so true for far too many of us...

Rachellabelle said...

HAHAHAHA I've always had to be careful about not calling my co-workers by the "pet" names I give them. I can totally relate.

Banded Mommy (Angie) said...

Ok it took me wayyy to long to stop laughing from this whole post. My favorite- #4. I actually had to go get my husband and read it to him.
I <3 u! You are just way too funny!

Andrea said...

LMAO! Love this!

MizFit said...

TOOOOO HILARIOUS.
sending hubby your way...

Rachel said...

Hilarious...I love it!

Ronnie said...

11.) You call people out by name for unfollowing you! ;)

trisha said...

love it!

Kyla said...

OMG. I do almost all of that. My husband always says to me... "is this going to be blog fodder?"

Bodacious Boomer said...

You speak the truth young one. I just wish I could make the hubs understand why all this is so important. He's totally clueless.

Kelly said...

OMG - I totally take photos of everything now! LOL

Sam said...

I don't know, I kind of like the idea of #6, I always get to blogging and forget everything that I was going to write about through the day.

Fat in Suburbia said...

Love this! I especially love #3!

Kelli said...

Too funny!!

MandaPanda said...

Uh oh! Guilty!

Michelle said...

Everything you said is 100% true!!!