Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Crazy shit and bah-humbug.

What the hell would I do with a blog if my husband didn’t work at a Supermax prison?

It’s like blog fodder from the angels above.
Except in reality – it sucks donkey dicks.

Obviously it’s Christmas-time and I’m not going to lie.
I’m not feeling it. I want this year OVAH.
Like STAT.

If one more person asks me if I’m done Christmas shopping with a jolly twinkle in their eye I’m going to to shove ornaments up their ass. Broken ornaments to be exact.

Today I pretended to have the elusive “Christmas spirit” when I told the girls up front who answer the phones that I’d do it for them for an hour so they could all have lunch together.

Aren’t I the best elf you’ve ever known?
Ho freaking Ho.

So I’m away from my desk for an hour.

Rambo had emailed me a question during that time.
I obviously did not respond since I was not at my desk.

I get back to my desk and I reply and this is our email conversation:

******************************************

Me: Sorry. I was answering phones for an hour so I didn’t respond. I was busy.

Rambo: That’s okay. We’ve been busy too. A guy tried to hang himself.

**********************************************

Um – shit. Well, I don’t sound so busy after all, now do I?

How does one respond to that?
I can’t say “I’m sorry” because if they succeeded, I’m not actually sorry.
If they didn’t succeed, I wish they would have.

Evil? Maybe.
Can’t help it – I know what some of these men have done.
Breathing air is too big a benefit for them if you ask me.

So I responded with a “Wow.”
And that was it.

What would you have said back?

Freaking weird I tell you.

This many years in and I’m still amazed at how very different our days are.
I want to live in a world of rainbows and farting gumdrops and Care Bear clouds.
But tonight I'll hear about how a man tried to hang himself.

Crazy un-fun shit I tell you.

Oh and bah-humbug.

Mmkkaayy?

19 comments:

Carrie said...

I'm with you, I want not only Christmas to be over, but the year as well! This has been a tough year and I'll be glad to start a new one. The next one has to be better. It has to.

Maren said...

2012 will be great. Let's look forward to it together. :)

Fat in Suburbia said...

Wow was what I probably would have said, too. I'm with the others thinking that 2012 will be better!

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I'm trying to adjust my attitude to one of gratefulness for the presents under the tree and the sweet family who bought them for me. It is a depressing time of year for me but I'm trying to put a thankful face on it.

Ronnie said...

Bah-humbug, indeed. I hope 2012 is better. I mean, it has to be, because we're all gonna die on 12/22 or some bullshit, right? ;)

Cat said...

I have to agree with the humbug spirit though. Haha, I want this holiday season Over. Like Now.

The thing is, G and I buy stuff for each other or ourselves whenever the mood strikes us. We don't have kids so we pretend we have disposable income. (With debt like we have we really don't haha) so this time of year has become, let's come up with bullshit gifts to give people that they probably don't need. Ugh. Sorry about that.

On a funny note, when you said ho-freaking-ho I seriously mis-read it as somehow you would be wearing a freaking elf costume for Rambo for Christmas.

Cat said...

Oh - and freaking = freaky. Woops.

XBIGJIMX said...

You could of always told rambo to tell guy "failure is not an option, try harder in the future. "

Jessica said...

I am over this year too... Just looking forward to the last day of the year haha since its my Bday!

Laura Belle said...

I think you should buy shoes.
And post pictures.

This has nothing to do with the buh humbug. It's just a bullshit random request. Because that's me. Bullshitty. And random.

Cece said...

Over would be good. One day - just get here and then leave.

Jennifer said...

My hubs is a police officer and we have similar conversations.

Him: I am going to be late tonight.
Me: Oh yeah? How come?
Him: I am with a dead guy.
Me: Okay. Call me later.

To anyone else they would be like what???? For us its common talk.

Anyway, thanks for the info on Body for Life. I really needed to hear that. I am in week 3 and waiting for results to show up. I am glad to hear you say that one day they will! Thanks so much!!

Jennifer

Barbara said...

A s far as 2011 being over. ....ditto. Hence bring on Key West Baby
Wrt the prisoner. Um how about "better luck next time".

But at the end of it all Draz. You make me smile with your Witt and humor. Hugs!

Stephanie said...

So a guy trys to hang themselves in a Supermax prison. Do they have to stop them? Isn't that just of "Thinning the Herd" so to speak? Many I'm in a grouchy mood today (I'm sick!)

MandaPanda said...

Hubby probably would've gotten a "wow" from me too. I'm with you...wouldn't really care one way or another except it probably makes Rambo's day tougher.

Kyla said...

Gawd. My husband is boring.

Polar's Mom said...

My hubs works in a jail...I know not even close to prison, but it makes my life seem very sane and normal....which I always look forward to! Happy un-holidays!

Rachellabelle said...

Different indeed!

I'm with you. Some of them would just be better off...gone. :/

Julie Harmon said...

I agree with you (hanging). Glad I haven't asked you about shopping, LOL!

My answer is usually "bummer". That usually covers, "bummer, you have to deal with that, bummer he didn't suceed, bummer all the way around." I'm evil too, I guess.