Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Gingerbread houses induce hives.

In a room full of kindergarteners and lopsided gingerbread houses – I got hives.

And a few days later, my mother asked why.

Let me relate to you the story of just exactly why.

In Banana’s kindergarten class, it was gingerbread house making day. An adult could come to help.
I went and so did my mom. It was going to be fun. That’s what I kept telling myself.

I was the last one to arrive. Little ‘ol hate people looking at me, don’t like walking into rooms, gets hives up my ass and sweats buckets me – arrived last. So when I walked in – everyone was sitting down – parents and kids – waiting on ME.

F*ck a duck. Someone shoot me now. I need to vomit.

So I sit down. In a teensy eensy chair made for teensy eensy butts. I had one ass cheek on a chair and the other ass cheek just hung over the side. Like a muffin top butt sort of.

We all have graham crackers and frosting. Shitloads of candy (that we weren’t allowed to eat with is sacreligous if you ask me). Butter knives and even Cmas music playing.

The teacher told us to have fun and be creative and begin.

So begin we did.

About 10 minutes in my mother leans over to me and whispers in my ear:

“I hate to tell you this but ours is the best.”

What??

“Well, I’m serious. Look at them. Just look. Have you looked around?”

Um no. I was focusing on having fun.


I’d put a gumdrop on one side and she’d take it off and use a different color. Banana and I were going to frost the top of the roof with just…frosting. Nope – we had to cover it in licorice. Licorice I had to cut all the same length “so it would look better”.

We had to have a tree. And coconut snow and a chimney. Because no one else had one.

A door and two windows and bows off the windows. A stone walkway too. Every hole had to be covered.

I’m surprised we didn’t make a family out of lifesavers and gumdrops to live in the castle that was supposed to be a gingerbread house.

Ever since that day I’ve given my mom crap about needing to have the best gingerbread house out of a class of 6 year olds. I told all my siblings what she said and did. They all wondered if there was some kind of judging and prize to be given out – because that would totally make her behavior acceptable.

I said, “Nope. This was for FUN.”

She insists, “Well, did you see them? They were awful.”

To which I reply, “THEY WERE MADE BY 6 YEAR OLDS!!!!”

Never, ever again can any of you question where I get my perfectionist tendencies, mmkkaayy?

A few days later, my mom told me she noticed I had hives at the house-making event. She wondered why.

I told her it was the tiny chairs. My butt was embarrassed it couldn’t fit.

Jesus.

21 comments:

Sarah said...

But was it fun? Sounds like the aftermath is good for a few laughs at the very least. xx

Robyn's Nest said...

Isn't it fun tohave the best house?????? It isn't fun to have the ugliest house in the classroom and have grandma's making fun (smile)

Sarah from Onmyweightohappiness said...

Your mom is a bit competitive huh? Kind of takes the fun out of all of it when it's for 6 yr olds, they don't care who has which accessories on the house or even this or that, the point is they got to make an amazing memory with family members and their class mates. Im sorry love :(

Hyla said...

Awesome sauce!

Ronnie said...

Mothers.

I'm sure we'll all embarrass our children like that sooner or later. (Or maybe already have!) lol

Beth Ann said...

Heh. I think I would totally be that mom. Probably best I should just be the rockin aunt!! :)

Cece said...

I thought I was the only one who said: *uck a duck. And, I an positive when I read that - it was the only time I smiled all day - thanks :)

Ducky said...

Oh wow... I would not have survived... your mother would've driven me crazy. She would've had to make her own. lol I would've had hives simply from having to keep my mouth shut the whole time. :O)

Jessica said...

hahaha wish there were pics!

Maren said...

Hahaha! Mothers! :D

Miss S. said...

Love it! I wish you'd had a picture. But in my twisted mind all the others look normal & yours is so fantastic your kid is mortified. Why can't we just be normal???? bahahaha

Rachellabelle said...

haha Wow. I can only imagine what kind of complex that sort of behaviour must have given you. :/

Miss Banana Pants said...

I love the way you describe things and situations. So funny!

Amy said...

I teach kinder and I can tell you that there are many days that I REALLY consider pulling two of those friggin chairs together for my butt cheeks. I feel your pain. every.single.day. :) :)

Miz said...

ahhhh I shall be that mother someday I fear.


or embrace.

either way :)

Dawnya said...

All I can say is FAMILY!!

Did Banana have fun?

MandaPanda said...

And where is the picture of this "award winning quality" gingerbread house at the end of this post?!?! Now I'm dying to see it!

tz said...

bwahahaha, I love coming over here, you make me laugh!

Cat said...

I bet Banana loved that mom and grandma were there with her. She'll remember that.

I totally am with you though chicka on the hives walking in last thing. I'm notoriously late so this happens often. I bet you had fabulous shoes on though. That makes it all better right?

mommykinz said...

Thanks for your comments! Today is a good day. If you don't have a natural supplement store in town, you can probably order it online. Good luck - hope you're having a good day too!

Kaley Smith said...

I'm still curious on how you contracted hives on the event. Either way, you had fun and that's all that matters.

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