Thursday, January 5, 2012

I am not a razor thin midget from China.

I'm not being mean.  At all.  I'm telling myself the God's honest truth.  I need to tell myself this over and over before I ever ever again hit the "BUY IT NOW" button on Ebay.

Let me tell you why.

I find something on Ebay and then I decide I must have it and it ALWAYS ends up being from China. 
No biggie.

Except that I forget everyone in China is 16x smaller than I will ever be. 
So when the SIZE says "one size fits all" that means only if you live in China.

Of which I do not.  It ain't gonna fit me.  For real.

Like ever.

See the shirt below. 

Okay wait - NOW before you all say to me that this is the ugliest sweater you have ever might be right.  Let me just say that I'm a sucker for anything with skulls on it and I never planned to wear this in public...I wanted it as a HUGE comfy sweater that I could wear as pajamas. 

So stop rolling your eyes and feast them on the case in point below:

It *looks* over-sized right?  I think so. 

Duh.  Anything looks over-sized when the person wearing it is less than 12 years old.
So I "buy it now".  YAY for me.

Until I get it home. 

And I'm literally afraid that I cannot fit it over my head.  It's that small on me.

Tight sleeves.  I feel claustrophobic in it.

And the skulls?

One each right on each of my boobs.  Stellar.

Really f*cking pretty I tell you.

Honestly - not even okay enough to wear for just pajamas.

It feels like a straight jacket.  Which may be appropriate but still.

I'm not going to tell you that this is at least the 4th time this has happened. 
Oh shit - I just did, didn't I?

Sooo?  I must must must learn that I am not a razor thin midget from China.

I am a big-boned woman from America.  One size fits all does not fit me.  Prolly never will.

It's annoying as shit, I tell you.

Annoying as shit.

Yes, yes.  Shit is a TOXIC WORD.  Sue me.


Marcella said...

LMAO at this!!!

Joanna said...

This is one of the reasons I ended my love affair with Ebay. Too much stuff that I bought that doesn't fit - especially shoes. I'm one of those people that just can't buy clothes or shoes off of the internet - yet. Maybe one day, but even I don't think I can achieve a goal weight of "Midget from China" LOL

Esther Cotton said...

Hehe, lucky for me my mom and cousin are both Korean, and I've been to Korea before as a (fat) child... so I totally had the picture painted for me (through years of humiliation and torture)...

But even I still can't stop myself from browsing ebay and adding 2x and 3x sizes to my "watch list..." right on the very edge of hitting that "buy it now" button.

But then I look over at my mom & cousin and the insanity quickly fades.


BTW, I love your comments on the photos! :P

Vanessa @ Gourmet Runner said...

Haha - I used to live in Hong Kong and let me tell you, shopping is not always fun there! Don't get me started on shoes. I'm a US 8.5 - average right? Nope, not there! Some places didn't carry my size at all!

Rachel said...

I love this... they have a similar sizing system in France... Size 1, 2, 3.... ummm herrrro? can I get a size 1+2+3+4+10?

MandaPanda said...

I also never buy clothes off the internet. I'm too lazy to return stuff so I get stuck with it. I gotta agree though...seriously? Even if it fit, that sweater is..ummm...different. :)

Karen Butler Ogle said...

It is a neat sweater. I'm sorry it didn't fit. I never buy anything from Ebay EVER because I'm a cynic. I don't trust people.

Dawnya said...

Please put it back on and take a picture and send it to me. Please!!!!

Hyla said...

I would love to see a picture of the fit! But seriously so glad I havent done that...yet!

I almost ordered a wedding dress from china off ebay, 6 months pregnant...really glad I squashed that idea!

Ronnie said...

Fuck "made in China." You're gorgeous and thin, own it.

Carrie said...

Hahahahahahaha!!!!! I would have totally thought it was an oversized sweater from the pictures!!!

Amanda Kiska said...

Annoying as "pressure".

Beth Ann said...

I hate that. I ordered a super cute shirt in a size L which is my "normal" size right now. This shirt MIGHT fit my tiny BFF. Suck!

trisha said...

what the eff?! freakin bs

Kristin50 said...

LMAO you never cease to crack my ass up! I love you!

affectionforfitness said...

Korean mother in law is about 88 pounds and is on a perpetual diet because she thinks she's too fat. Doesn't that say it all!!