Thursday, February 16, 2012

Me is dead...courtesy of Tabata.

This post is being written by Drazil…because Me is dead. She suffered a massive heart attack doing some stupid workout video called Tabata. I don’t know who the hell she thinks she is. Apparently someone quite younger, more flexible and athletic. Of which – in actuality – she is none.

You should have seen her in all her pretty, blinged out workout gear. We talked her out of wearing the leotards and 80s legwarmers and she only cried for a little while about that.

She was all, “I’m so going to do all EIGHT Tabata drills. I’m a warrior. This DVD has nothing on me. Hell – I might do it twice. I don’t even need water.”

Me and Sheniqua laughed our asses off. I made sure to put some negative thoughts in her head just to make her doubt herself. Sheniqua was a bit concerned because lately Me has been kicking ass in diet and exercise but we held our ground. Chicks in exercise DVDs with the stamina of stallions and beefy thighs do not scare us.

Me started off strong but it wasn’t long before she was winded and swearing under her breath so much that Satan would have been embarrassed. At one point the girl on the DVD said something like, “Come on girls, I know it’s hard but we only have 6 more sets to go!” and we heard Me yell, “Really asshole? Only 6?”

Sheniqua and I couldn’t help but point and giggle.

By the second set, Me yelled at her little girl to “go get her a water bottle before she feinted.” So much for being a big dog and not needing water. That Me is a damn idiot. This Tabata shit is hard core. No way in hell will you catch my little lizard legs ever attempting such insanity. Sheniqua was sweating buckets just “watching” the DVD.

Anyway – Me completed 6 Tabata drills and a warmup and cool down. And now she’s dead.

Well almost. She’s alive enough to bitch and whine constantly. She says her lips are the only thing on her body that she can move without screaming out in pain.

All day so far we’ve heard:

Holy f*ck a duck – even my boobs hurt!
OMG – I think I’m going to need IV fluids because I sweated out every drop of fluid I had in me last night.
My God in heaven – I think even my eyelashes are sore.
I should probably not go to work because none of my joints will bend without a major effort on my part.
It’s hard to breathe because my lungs are still recovering.
Ohhhhhhh – even my armpits hurt.

And lastly – heard from the bathroom this morning after she looked in the mirror – after a blood curdling scream: Jeeeeeeesssuuussss – I’m still CHUBBY!

I told you Me was an idiot. She thinks being this sore and working out like a maniac should produce instant thinness. Dream on babycakes!

So tonight Me says she’s going to do the treadmill so as not to break her amazing workout stream she’s got going this week. Sheniqua and I are going to do everything in our power to make sure she does nothing but watch Grey’s Anatomy with a bag of Skittles on her lap and a Mountain Dew IV in her arm.

We are a little skerred though. Me seems to be on a mission. I mean – don’t tell her I said this but – that Tabata shit is badass and I’m actually proud of her. I mean I want to put duct tape over her mouth so she quits whining about how she feels like she broke every bone in her body but still….she’s pretty amazing.

Tell her I said that and I’ll deny it until I turn purple.


Vanessa @ Gourmet Runner said...

Woot! So proud - sounds like a kick ass workout!

Kelly said...

Love, Love! I am so proud of you. But where is the hot, sexy sweaty pic? The one where you need the IV fluids because you sweated out every single ounce of fluid in your body? :-)

Ice Queen said...

Now that is what I call inspiring and fabulous! <3



Lap Band Gal said...

Sounds like an AWESOME workout! :)

Amanda said...

Now THAT is awesome!!! Tabatas are brutal. You did well :D

MandaPanda said...

Wow...even Drazil is proud...and so am I. You kick butt!

~Sandi @ This one time at 'band' camp... said...


Laura Belle said...

That's my girl! Kickin' ass and takin' names!

FitBy40 said...

Now I have to go google tabata!

Cat said...

Of course you didn't hear this from me, but even Drazil being proud of you is something.

I am over the moon with pride for you chicka. Thanks for the smile from Drazil's point of view.

Joanna said...

I'm looking in to some Tabata type stuff while at the gym..and I'm having problems with it. I am so freakin' proud of you!! YOU GO GIRL!!