Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Wandom Wednesday.

Let’s leave Elmer and his gun alone so he can hunt down Drazil like the snake that he is. We shall move on to “wandomness”….cuz it’s Wednesday…and because there’s no whyme or weason to what I’m going to say today.

• Did I tell you guys that I am officially a gang member? Oh wait – I might have used the wrong word there. It might be called a “club” member. But it produces a lot more shock-filled gasps when I tell people I’m in a gang. A biker gang no less.

Yup – I joined Rambo’s biker club. Translation: Rambo signed me up and paid my dues without my permission. Fine. Whatever.

If you know anything about biker gangs (why would you want to?) – they wear leather vests or coats that showcase their “colors”. The “colors” are their patches and insignias telling the world the name of their “gang”. And beyond the name patch – they cover the rest of their vest in other patches. Rambo has memorial patches on his vest of friends he lost and skull patches and his nickname as a patch and so on.

My point? Well – I have to find a vest to wear my “colors” on. Every woman in the club wears a black leather vest – covered in patches and their “colors”.

My problem? I refuse to wear a plain black vest like all the others. I just cannot do it. I have found pink and purple and red vests but I don’t want a solid color. I want a black vest with pink on the sides or pink embellishments and is adjustable.

I have searched the entire internet and so far – nothing. Anyone got any suggestions? If not – I may have to get out my bedazzler and go to town.

• Monday night Rambo and I worked out for ½ hour. I did the treadmill and he did the eliptical and lifted weights. Last night Rambo did the eliptical and I did the treadmill for 65 minutes. I ran the first half hour and in the second half I did 8 sets of Tabata with my fastest sprint being at 7.2mph. Now yes – I know that isn’t rock star fast but it’s my first treadmill Tabata so I’m okay with it.

• I want to be a life coach so that I can tell people they are stupid and that they are screwing up their lives and if they would do exactly as I say everything would be rainbows and lollipops. And the bonus would be that they’d pay me for such sage advice.

• I was invited to go to “midget wrestling” last weekend. I’m not kidding. I refused to go because I was afraid they’d think I was part of the show. I’m only 5ft 3in and Ima kinda chubby.

• Watermelon now gets an allowance. I’m trying to teach her about money because my parents never taught me. She has to take her allowance and split it up evenly in thirds. She can spend 1/3. She has to save 1/3. And she has to give 1/3 to a charity. She can pick any charity she wants. She will physically put her money in her savings account at the bank when I take her. She can spend the spendable 1/3 on anything she wants.

It’s going great. She’s learning the value of a dollar. She picked US Troops as her charity so she’s feeling good about that.

The part that makes me happiest though? She keeps a running tracking journal of each category. Down to the penny. OMG – is she my kid or what?

Maybe soon she’ll start a budget. For the next five years. And stare at it and tweak it for hours – like her mama does.

• Lastly – guess where I get to go in March? Don’t pee your pants or anything – it’s not good. It’s a turkey banquet. I can’t even make this crap up. People of all ages and sizes gather in on place – because of turkeys. It’s madness. And get this? People PAY to go.

I’m so screwed when it comes to Rambo and his hobbies that I must partake in. Biker gangs, semis, turkeys, guns, and hunting. I mean why didn’t I marry a person who loves pink ponies, crystals, diamonds, high heels and anything cheetah patterned?

I suppose it’s because I wanted to marry someone who was straight. Ha!


Cat said...

I love your plan to help Watermelon learn about money. I also love that 1/3 of the allowance goes to charity. What a fantastic idea to teach your child. I sense Mom of the year award in your future. /nod *hugs*

jennxaz said...

oh sexy biker are right its hard to find teal, turquoise or mint incorporated into the vest...which is what I am sure you would also like! I found one with stars in it..maybe you could wear a turquoise top underneath?

A.J. said...

Is the turkey banquet the Wild Turkey Federation? My family belongs/does that and, get this, my dad never hunts turkeys. He just goes for the sweet door prizes and raffles and stuff.

A.J. said...

Oh and I totally had visions of Sons of Anarchy when you started talking about the biker club. In my head you are gonna look like Gemma Teller from now on. LOL

mallory said...

Girl I know alllll about biker gangs - I watch Sons of Anarchy. So you're like the super blinged out Gemma right?? Haha I love it!

Anonymous said...

Have you checked Etsy to see if you can have a vest custom made for you in your specifications?

Fab Kate said...

"• I want to be a life coach so that I can tell people they are stupid and that they are screwing up their lives and if they would do exactly as I say everything would be rainbows and lollipops. And the bonus would be that they’d pay me for such sage advice."


I pretty much feel that's the job description, too.

Sandy Lee said...

I laughs so hard when I read: • I want to be a life coach so that I can tell people they are stupid and that they are screwing up their lives ... they’d pay me for such sage advice.

You would be solo rich. Sometimes people just need the truth. I like you allowance rules. When I give money to my nephews, I tell them they have to donate 10% to charity and they do they math! Good rules. Builds a giving mentality. I'm not there yet but my son tithes 10% of his salary to his church. I swear he isn't adopted.

Jessica said...

I wish my mom taught me about money at an early age!! Way to go!

MandaPanda said...

I love the money lesson you're giving your girls. I can't decide when to start giving my oldest an allowance. I'll have to think about that. I say bedazzle the hell out of that vest! And post pics!

Mari said...

Such a great idea for teaching your little one about money!! Will definitely be using that one when I have children. x

Life Love & High Heels said...

As a lifestyle/health coach --- people do not listen to what you say. It's more them coming up with their own goals. It's a harder job than people think :)

Yay biker club :)

Ronnie said...

They have an ONION festival in my podunk town every year, because for two days or something in the 50's (or some damn time a long time ago!) we were the onion capital of the world.

It's illegal to throw an onion here!

FitBy40 said...

I was thinking Bedazzler while I was reading about your vest problem. Go for it!

trisha said...

LOL @ ronnie's comment!!

I SOOO wish my parents would of done with me what you're doing with watermelon. The respect and responsibility of money is something IMO that cannot be taught too young!!!

Rambo and Big D would get along great- they would talk truck-lingo and about random things they like to shoot with guns, it would be testosterone-tastic!! haha