Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Is your 9pm free? Let's pencil in "sex".

Yup – I'm gonna do it. I'm straight up gonna ask you about your sex life. For realz. In a serious way.

Which is kind of dumb. Because every single one of you has a different schedule and situation than I do and I can’t realistically base my sex life on your answers BUT – it’s a woman thing. I need to know that I’m not alone – so please…just this once – give up your sex answers. I must commiserate over my lack of "dessert" this week with fellow women.

For the love of God – lie if you have to – just tell me I’m not alone.

Here’s the dealio. Rambo and I are lovey dovey sickening people. I’m that way by choice and by complete effort. I grew up in a non-touchy lovey childhood and I desperately needed it. So as angry children are prone to do – I swore “one day when I grew up” that if I ever had a marriage and kids – that I’d hug and kiss them and tell them I love them 60 cazillion times a day.

So I do. And Rambo just follows my suit and has become the guy who loves that stuff too.

Yup - the big, burly, gun-toting, SWAT trained, 4x4 truck driving prison guard is a softie.

Naturally – this means our sex life is healthy too.


It’s like the Sahara desert, people. And for the first time in our over 20 year history – I’m actually thinking about scheduling and literally pencilling sex in our calendars.

Scratch that.  Screw the pencil.  At this point I'm using a freaking Sharpie.

And I blame Scooby Doo.

Why? Mostly because there’s no one else to blame and he’s the first person who popped into my head. But it’s noone’s fault. It’s a consequence of having so many jobs.

Rambo used to have two days off a week but now he drives a semi on those 2 days off for upwards of 16 hours a day. Yesterday he left the house at 4am and didn’t walk back in the house until 9pm.

Which means take a shower and go to bed because 4am is coming again really quickly.

He took his shower and we went to bed and right before we drifted off to sleep, Rambo clung to me and whispered, “Thank you for that amazing sex. It was soooo good.”

I replied, “I know, right?”

And a few seconds later he was asleep. I miss him terribly. Not just the physical him but the mental him. Rambo and I talk each night for a long time – during supper, before bed, in the bath, all evening – and it’s how I end each day. It’s how I get through each day. When I can’t do that – I feel incomplete.

The funny thing is I know he feels it too. I hear it in his voice – when he calls me more than he usually does. When he lingers on the phone a little bit more than usual.

Our phone calls are usually short and sweet because we know we’ll catch up at night but now we’re spending time on the phone. Full on conversations – because the night conversations aren’t gonna happen.

Our hearts hurt. I’m trying to just be the supportive wife. The one that takes care of everything at home so he doesn’t have to. So he knows I appreciate his willingness to work a literal 6 weeks straight before he gets a day off.

But he’s hurting too. I know because of the extra phone calls. The extra texts. The extra minute he kisses and hugs me at 4am before he gets up to do it all over again. The missing is like a palpable thing in the room you can feel.

Normally we’d say it over and over but this time neither of us has – because I think we’re afraid of the magnitude of the emotions behind it this time. Maybe we’re both afraid we’d fall apart. Or maybe we’re afraid we’d let our emotions win and say, “The hell with it – let’s quit all the side jobs – and just live on love.”…when we know that’s as insane as the missing feels. I’m staying strong for him and he’s staying strong for me.

But I know him well enough to know – he’s hurting. And he knows I am too.

And my girls feel the same way. Banana fell asleep sitting up on the couch last night – waiting for Daddy. Before his shower, he lovingly carried her to bed and kissed her goodnight…and I know his heart broke a little.

It’s temporary. It won’t be like this forever.

Damn these soaring gas prices. It’s been a week without sex and I’m already talking about scheduling it like it’s therapy. I mean really – sexting can only hold us over for so long. And the grammar goddess in me finds it hard to be turned on when Rambo misspells cooter. The only thing I can think about at that point is spell check.

How do you guys do it? Not “do it”. I mean – how do you work it in? OMG – that sounded even worse, didn’t it? You know what I mean.

Do you schedule it? Have you always planned it or is it always spontaneous? Do you care? Does it matter to you? Do you miss it? How long do you go before you stage an intervention on a dry spell?

Do you let your schedules dictate your sex life? How do you feel about that?

Come on. Share. 

Tell me I'm not alone living in the Sahara with my planner and my Sharpie.


Kyla said...

I love you.

We always schedule it, and then change our mind.

Cat said...

I will tell you that you aren't alone. We don't have multiple jobs, but we do live active lives with lots of evenings doing "stuff". My cousin was in town for two weeks and while we still managed to slip away a bit early for some intimacy, we didn't do anything at all last week. Weds (yep, tonight) is usually our planned day then we try to get some intamacy in over the weekends as well, but honestly as early as the mornings come, I think your sharpie is going to be an important tool just to connect and "be" together at least once a week. Get that appointment down and keep it regardless of tired. As Robyn's hubby says, "You can sleep when you're dead!" Hee.

Kelly said...

Umm, I have nothing of value to contribute to this since I have don't have to schedule something that is non-existent for me except to say, awwww.... you guys are cute! Hehe :-)

Crystal Renee said...

It's hard. I don't want to schedule it, but it seems we have no choice. Then when we do schedule it... it don't happen. Mind you, we have a 6 week old. But mama is HORNY!!! I hope we get to have some "FUN" soon!!

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

One week? Let me know when you hit 3! Yeah, a bit of a dry spell (literally! LMAO!). There's definitely an ebb and flow to our physical relationship. I definitely want it more than my husband (can you believe THAT?!?) but our schedules are wonky- I'd like to go to bed together and he would prefer it when he wakes up. The only rpoblem is we don't sleep together! When he worked overnights, I wouldn't go to bed until he woke up. Now he's falling asleep on the couch and I sleep alone or he stays up until the kids go to sleep and I've fallen asleep to a DVD in bed. We like our sleep too much! It works for us, except for that lack of intimacy. Our saving grace is that 2 days/week he goes to work late and while the kids are in school... I'm definitely getting some tonight or tomorrow morning!!!

Jacquie said...

I am so not a scheduler when it comes to sex! We average once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Lately, recovering fro!

Beth Ann said...

I never have sex because I don't have a Rambo. :) I know you all will work it out. Like you said, it is temporary. (Doesn't mean it doesn't suck!)

Amanda said...

If we go more than 4 days, we schedule it. As in "Honey, do you want to ... tonight?"

"I do if you do."

"Well, I don't want to if you don't."

"Well I do."

"Fine, I do too."


And then things happen. Or I fall asleep on the couch and we try again the next night.

Eventually I just suck down an entire pot of coffee so I can stay awake and enjoy some marital activity. It all works out :)

Perry Joyce said...

Every time we fall asleep together and every time we wake up together there is some kind of sexual or otherwise equally satisfying intimate experience. But we only sleep together Friday through Sunday. The rest of the week we spend apart and honestly, right now, I wouldn't have it any other way. It's the best way to ensure pure, unadulterated "quality" time. When you miss the hell out of them all week (but still get to embrace your alone time) and then spend the whole weekend never leaving each other's side. I know one day we'll live together, but for now...this is perfect.

Steph said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steph said...

And yes, that was me just being funny...

Amanda Kiska said...

How about 4:00 AM before he gets up?

Yes, my fella and I schedule sex and our schedules are not nearly as crazy as yours.

Reggie said...

Having a 15 month old makes things very difficult to have a lot "free time." She likes to sleep in our bed and I feel like I am constantly taking her back to her crib. When she finally is asleep I struggle to keep my eyes open, nuch less anything else (wink wink.)
Sometimes I feel like a nun when we go a week without it. Then it pops in my head and I think, Geez, it's been 9 days since I had any. Here I am, a woman who used to have a side job peddling filth (as my husband liked to say) and giving personal testamonials to how much I (or him) liked a particular product to now needing to put in an effort to get the job done.

Miss S. said...

No schedule, but the Hubs is an airline pilot-basically if he is home the magic is going to happen.

Amy @ Findingfitme said...

It's not just you. Trust me. Different "issues" here but same problem.

The fitter I get the more I want, problem is he doesn't have a big drive.

justjenn said...

Days off = kick kids out and lock the bedroom door. Although many times we do schedule it because a week will go by and we're like, "Okay we've got to do something about this!"

Joanna said...

Being that Hubby works nights 5 nights a week - our sex life is pretty scheduled. It's either Friday night, Saturday night, both, or none until the following week.

There have been times when weeks have gone by because we are both so tired and Friday night comes and we pass out - and then Saturday we're gone all day and exhausted by the time we get home and get to bed. Then, we have full weekends of make-up sex- because it's been too long. That happens once in a blue moon.

I've got accustomed to our life - which is sad. But when it does happen it's special - because we are away from each other so many nights a week. I try for at least once a week - but sometimes it doesn't happen, so we make up for it by hugs and kisses and talks. It's weird - but we're OK with it.

LoriBang said...

Lately that hasn't been a problem in our house. My getting fit and losing weight sex has been amazing! But we went through a time when we went almost a month inbetween nookie times. That sucked because I'm a woman that LOVES sex and I need it! Hubby had issues from the meds he was on for his high blood pressure. We went to the dr. explained it to him and he said that was a side affect to the meds. We changed meds and then SMOKERS we made up big time. I think I walked funny for a week! How about mornings before he heads out the door? We have done that, set the alarm for a little earlier and then send him out the door with a smile on his face and you back to sleep satisfied! You just have to adjust and make the time. Kinda like losing weight. You have to adjust to a new way of looking at food and you had to make time to work out. You will figure it out! Love will see you through!

trisha said...

I can relate.... because my fiance is a truck driver, too. Most "normal" weeks we will only get to sleep in the same bed 2-3 times max in a week. I miss him lots, but I also like the mental break, and I think it offers us more time to miss each other.

we used to booger (my grandmas term for doin the dirty, that we SOO use cause it's hilar) 3 times a week or more. Now we're lucky if it's 3 times a MONTH!!

Sometime we will schedule it, sometimes not.

Last night I took one for the team cause honestly I was feeling bad for the guy - it has been a long drought, and he got all ready to booger before Biggest Loser was over with and I told him I HAD to watch the end of it!! NO exceptions!
SO he ended up commencing the boogerin' while I was still sideways trying to see the TV between his arm and his chest...and then he tried to get all pissy about my "lack of concentration" so I told him that I WARNED him I WAS watching the end of it and if he didn't like that he could climb off!! LOL yes, this is my life. Oh how i miss when there was passion and romance. LOL

mommykinz said...

OMG I was just thinking about posting something like this except my DH talks about it nonstop, all the time!!!! I'm don't want to hear another word of it, I soo wish he would not talk about it, ask me about it... for 1-2 days. I swear I'd be way more receptive maybe even initiate it myself. I mean seriously how can I initiate it when he asks about it every day. He gets some happy happy almost everyday with help. Me I only need it 1x/wk. But I can't do without the cuddles everynight so we agree to disagree.
Hang in there this too will pass.

Becky said...

I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna tell the truth and it's embarrassing to me. I've been married six months and we have sex one a week most of the time... we are just tired. not of each other, but work and such. But tonight it's my hubby's day off from workout, so tonight's the night baby. then we'll have some fun over the weekend and I'll call myself lucky. I'm not happy though. I'm not happy about this at all.... Not happy.

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...


Justawallflower said...

Of course we prefer spontaneous, but after about two weeks of dryness we do schedule. I actually write it on the dry erase board on the fridge. It will simply say 9:00 p.m. <3 that way it is a place where he will see it but doesn't really make my daughter feel uncomfortable. She'll ask what happens at 9:00 and I'll just tell her a show or something else lame.

bbubblyb said...

I say do what it takes and if that means the sharpie do it :) You'll both be happy you did. I know for hubby and I even when we are super tired if it just feels to long we will do it (kind of like exercise lol) because you always feel way way better afterwards :)

Leigh C. said...

I really need to schedule and appointment myself. That is a sad state of affairs when I can't seem to find time to love my husband:)

tz said...

sorry...schedule but it makes the spontaneous times that much more fun

and what you say about the lovey dovey with you there...our families were sure my kids would have reverse reactive attachment disorder.

Linda Sherwood said...

Join him in the shower!

Holly from 300 Pounds Down said...

Yeah...i got nothin' to report lol or schedule hahaha but hey! I still love reading your blog and just have to say I love everything you post!!