Thursday, March 1, 2012

Oh my God – she’s awful thick in the middle, isn’t she?

Old people suck.

Now wait – don’t go clicking the “unfollow” button yet. I should clarify and say that I think SOME old people suck. Let me tell you why.

I went to the doctor yesterday to discuss more migraine preventive meds. I sat in the waiting room with an older man. There was a chair in between us. An older woman came in and sat in that chair. (Why do people do that? I don’t know you – don’t sit by me – get out of my space!)

Turns out she knew the older guy and then they played the “let’s see which of us can find more things to complain about” game. Here’s how their conversation went:

Man: What are you here for? Does your ear hurt? (who the hell just asks that?)

Woman: Well, last night I was fine but during the night I woke up and my neck started to hurt and I’m so achey. And I have a fever.

Man: What about your ear?

W: My ear? Oh my ear is fine. Why do you ask?

M: Well, because my ear hurts bad.

W: I forgot how debilitating a sore neck could be. I thought I better come in here before I get encephalitis or something. (Jesus – ever heard of the flu lady?)

M: Did you call and make an appt before you came in? (Yes numbnuts – that’s how the system works!)

W: Yes.

M: I tried to get through to make an appointment and I was on hold for NINE minutes so I just hung up and came in. I only need five minutes with a doctor so I figure they can get me in.

W: NINE minutes? Oh my. Ouch – my neck hurts so badly.

M: But your ear doesn’t hurt?

ME: NO – dickwad – her f*cking ear does NOT hurt. OH MY GOD.

About this time a nurse comes out and sits down next to the man and says that all the doctors are booked. He can sit and wait but it’s going to be quite a while or he can try to come back in the morning.

So of course, this grump ass says, “I think you can find one doctor to see me for only 5 minutes. It’s getting worse. I can go home and be miserable or sit here and be miserable.”

The nurse says, “Yes, you can wait but it’ll be a while.”

What the hell? Why on Earth does this guy think he can slink in because he walked in after waiting NINE minutes on the phone? I called at 8am sharp to get an appt. That’s why we call them appointments.

Ever heard of urgent care or the ER? Try that dude.

So it just keeps getting better. There’s a TV in the waiting area and on the TV comes the Ellen Degeneres show.

The next thing I hear is a gasp and “Oh my God – she’s awful thick in the middle isn’t she?”
The woman says, “Wow – she’s gained a lot of weight! What has she been eating?”

I wanted to say, “Hmm. Not sure. Let me call her and ask her.”

Then the woman looks at me and says, “Hasn’t she gained a lot of weight? Maybe it’s her jeans. Maybe they are padded.”

Padded? Like intentionally making yourself look fatter? Cuz yes – people ALWAYS do that.

The grumpy old man then says, “Well, I doubt she’s pregnant.”

And they went on and on about her weight.

I have no feelings one way or the other about Ellen but I found myself wanting to stand up and defend her. Like how the hell do they know if she’s been under stress or what she deals with or if she’s on meds for something or what-the-hell-ever?

Leave her the f*ck alone.

My God – why do people have to be so negative and harsh? Why couldn’t they say, “I love Ellen. She’s so pretty. She has a great show.”

Or how about nothing? Because let me tell you that Mr. Grumpass and Mrs. I can’t move my neck were no prizes themselves. I mean WOW. Just wow.

What gives people the right to criticize people they don’t even know? How is that fair?

If we could spew as much positivity about others as we do negativity – can you imagine how much better a world this would be?

I know – I know. Not everything and every day and everybody can live in Care Bear Land and fart gumdrops and sleep on fluffy white clouds and ride Unicorns to work….BUT….really?

I sat there wondering if one day I’d turn into a crotchety old lady – pissed about the world. So hard up for conversation that I told an acquaintance about my entire night, what I ate and what time my neck started to hurt.

And has our world become so instant gratification-y that after NINE minutes we give up and decide to force our way into something we want regardless of those ahead of us who were willing to wait and be patient?

When did that become okay?

I just don’t know.

All I DO know is that sometimes SOME old people suck.

And aching necks are debilitating. And appointments aren’t necessary for some people.

And I love Ellen – because she’s thick in the middle – and so am I.


october 11 said...

Ok I agree 100% that it is so annoying when people sit next to you or even close to you when there are other seating options!!

Holly from 300 Pounds Down said...

I can't even believe they were saying that Ellen is getting thick in the middle or has gained weight. That is complete insanity. I mean seriously if Ellen is considered fat then I am screwed. Ellen is thin if not skinny! What in the world? Do you think there were eye problems along with the ear problems? Maybe their vision was off. Or maybe they have issues with Ellen b/c she's a lesbian. I mean he did make that comment about " i don't think she's pregnant" which to me is probably an underhanded remark about that. I'm wondering if their animosity comes from that which is so so sad. Or maybe they just enjoy complaining. Ugh .Either way I have to say it's bad enough to have to wait in the doctor's office but to have to listen to that too!! UGH!

Ronnie said...

Fuckin' grouchy old people. Hate that.

Also, she's 50+ years old... she's allowed to have a little thickness in the middle. Christ.

~TMcGee~ said...

LMAO!!! I knew I had to click "follow" after reading this post. :D Truer words were never spoken and the way you delivered them was priceless.

Reggie said...

First off... why did she sit next to you with her cooties?!?!?!?!?!
And WHO the heck hates on ELLEN of all people?

MandaPanda said...

I hate old people too and yes, I think I mean all of them. Eventually they all become completely narcissistic. It just takes others longer to get there. Just please tell me that the old guy wasn't seen before you because that would send me right over the edge.

Caron said...

I must say you got my attention quickly with the first sentence. At 64, I know I've officially entered "old people" territory but I'm trying really hard to NOT get into the old people pattern of discussing every ache, pain, medication and BM. Hopefully, if I'm really diligent, I'll be able to accomplish those goals. Sure hope so! :)

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

I guess we won't know how we'll be until we get there, and I'm sure we'll think we're not as annoying, even if we are, just like your friends! ;)

Cat said...

Ellen was on So you Think you can Dance and seriously busted a move two seasons ago. She is forever in my heart because of that! : )

I also think that more positivity and less negativity would do the world a ton of good. /nod

I would like you to make posters and hang them up with care bears and unicorns in the Dr. office. Show the bears making appointments and the Unicorns with their ears hurting. you can display this by making the poor unicorns have grumpass's face and pointing a hoof toward their ears. Perhaps then grumpass would get the point. Thank you!

Finally, And seriously...why did he think because HIS ear hurt that the rest of the world suddenly had an attack of the earache?

Andrea said...

OMG...some people!

Stacey said...

We went to the movies the other night and this old guy comes and sits by me. In an empty theater. Who does that? Then he would laugh at really off times. The whole time I was trying to figure out if he was gonna steal my purse or something. I couldn't even watch the movie. Old people do suck.

Lana in MI said...

I swear as I get older (yeah I'm a whole 43! whew!) I DO NOT want to wind up like people you just described. I know I can be bitchy...but damn! I agree! Let's be NICE once in awhile! I'd have said something to them and got up and moved to a diff. seat! Cuz...I'm old and can say what I want to stupid people. HEE HEE

Banded With Favor said...

Everything so funny...and just priceless how you put it all together...I swear they need to make a sitcom of a Dr. office waiting room because if we were watching the show from your head, we would all be rolling!!!

~Sandi @ This one time at 'band' camp... said...

I am one of those who needs space too but for some ungawdly reason a person will come into a room with 50 chairs, I'll be the only one in there and they gravitate towards me...WTF? Insane, and yes, old people are grumpy!!!

Beth Ann said...

I hate people. Seriously though, this is something that just makes me angry. What do you have to complain about EVERYTHING? Because when you do that, then I have to complain about you and that just pisses me off.

Amanda Kiska said...

All I could think of while reading your post is that I don't have health insurance or a regular doctor. Those two grumps should be grateful that they have access to medical care because so many do not!

Sandy Lee said...

I'm speechless. I hate old people myself. But since I'm not old (wink,wink), I guess it might come. But I do make appointments and get pissed with the cutter inners. At least they didn't fart and say 'scuse me!

But it must have taken your mind off the migraine.

Vanessa said...

Epic post! Old. People suck....most people suck and waiting rooms are the bile of hell. And my neck hurts....ha!
Seriously I'll pay out of pocket just so I don't have to sit in a waiting room with other humans.
You crack me up!

Lisa said...

What a bitch she sounded like. My words of advice: "Down some Emergen-C"!! Who the flock sits right next to you with a fever?? Ugggg People annoy me.

Miz said...


ReJoyce777 said...

(me standing) clap clap clap clap clap clap..........

Amen!!!! I hear ya and agree. People are crazy and yes, many of them suck!!!

FitBy40 said...

I have to admit I haven't watched Ellen in a long time (because my kids OWN my TV) but last time I saw her I thought she was pretty darn thin, and looking quite healthy!
I hope you didn't catch the ear ache or encephalitis from those old crotches!