Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Weigh in, baggage and candy baths.

- I had a great weigh in today for Weight Watchers. Down 2.5 lbs to make my total 6.5 lbs. When I entered my weight online I got the whole “STOP – take notice – shit a brick – you’re losing weight too fast!” pop-up. I wanted to be able to reply, “Um…just you wait – some time around next week I’ll show a gain or lose just point 1 lbs. Calm the F down. This is what happens when you stop eating pizza 16 times a day followed by an IV drip of Mountain Dew. Mmkkaayy?”


- I watched the neighbor kids this weekend. Their mother is going through a really tough divorce. Before the kids came over, I told Banana that the neighbor kid, Amy and her siblings would be coming over for a while. She looked at me and dead serious said, “Mom – do you know that Amy comes with a lot of baggage?”

I said, “What?” I was thinking who the hell told her that? Shitballs.


She said, “Yah. Every time she comes over here she brings her makeup bag, her nail polish bag and her toy bag. She brings a lot of stuff with her.”

AKA “baggage” in the eyes of a 6 year old.

Cripes.

- Recently – extended family wise – the proverbial shit has hit the fan…and scattered all over the room and down the hall…and into the garage…and all over my world. That’s what it feels like anyway. It astounds me how dumb people think I am. For instance, a certain family member drank themselves into oblivion and passed out in a car. The police found them slumped over the steering wheel unaware of their own name. Later, after becoming conscious – this person swore to everyone around them “that they are diabetic” – which is why they passed out. Pay no attention to the liquor and pills in their lap. It’s the sudden onset of diabetes. Duh. Diabetics everywhere pass out randomly. Again. Duh.


F*ck me running. I mean really?

- My latest endeavor in life is trying to figure out how to snort M&Ms. Skittles are on the back burner. Right now I cannot get enough of the brightly colored little chocolate pieces of heaven. Truth be told – the MAIN reason I love Skittles and M&Ms is literally their color. They are so pretty all laid out that it’s impossible not to fall in love with them and take baths in them.


Honestly – think about it. Could you lay in a bathtub of Skittles or M&Ms and not smile? Not be blissfully happy? Not want to live there? Stay there for hours? Sleep there? Eat there?


Well – at least until they start melting. Wouldn’t it be cool though if all the colors melted on your skin and when you got out you’d be a literal human rainbow?


Yes. I am insane. Where have you been? I made that clear years ago.

That’s all I got today. I’m saving the good shit for WTF Wednesday. That’s just how I roll.

17 comments:

Kelly said...

WHAT? I have to stop eating pizza 20 times a day now? WTF? Great WI, Draz! Freaking rock star. :-)

Beth Ann said...

You are such a Weight Watcher stud! I need to take some lessons, mama.

Lynda said...

HA!!! Hope you don't mind, but I reposted the "baggage" story on my FB. Of course, I left out names for anonymity.

angel shrout said...

Lord I would love to lose . something pounds who am I kidding. But that would mean I would have to give up white bread and sugar in my coffee umm yeah so not happening.. I thought m and ms didn't melt so you should be good.

Jessica said...

Congrats on your awesome weight loss!

jennxaz said...

that is awesome weight loss---congrats!

mommykinz said...

Congrats on watching the neighbor kids - we know how much you like other people's children! that was very nice of you

Cat said...

Great weigh in! I need more " baggage". *heart Bannana*

Sarah said...

Great loss! Nice work!

As for being a human rainbow, M & M should sponsor you. Seriously...

Sarah

becca said...

congrats on the weight loss that's awesome

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

I would love a bathtub full of M&M's, but I would want to eat them, and no one wants to eat M&M's with pubes on them.

Jen said...

Ok, true story regarding the diabetics.. my dad has had Type 1 Diabetes for the past 30 years and last summer, no lie, he did pass/black out at the wheel and drove 30 miles in and out of traffic and ended up getting his tires shot out by the police in order to get him to stop driving!! AND, once the police pulled him out of the car, they assumed he was drunk driving until someone finally realized that he was completely out of it b/c he was in low sugar hell.. thank god he didn't kill anyone. we laugh about it now though, so your family story kind of cracked me up!!
And the baggage thing literally made me laugh out loud!
And good for you on the WW!!! WOOT!

Sandy said...

Great going with the weight loss! Woo Hoo!

Brenda said...

Great weigh in..

I thought diabetics randomly passed out!? No!? Huh!

Vanessa @ Gourmet Runner said...

Congrats on the weight loss! I'm such a sucker for Runts and Nerds candy...and I know 50% of why I love them is the color!

Joanna said...

Oh, I LOVE the warnings that appear on MFP that mention that I'm not eating enough and that I'll lose weight too quickly. The "experts" have always said that weight tends to go faster at first - and then ease its self out. I say WOO HOO for you!!

And M&Ms bath would be totally delightful - until I started eating them - and then realizing that I'm eating candy that my rear and who-ha have had contact with. Then I could probably never look at a M&M again in the same way. Maybe I should do it just for that reason. HA!

andieclark said...

I envy you because you can shop as many chocolates and sweets as you want. My cosmetic dentist in Omaha has warned me not to eat too much sweets because I just recently had dental treatments.