- I had a great weigh in today for Weight Watchers. Down 2.5 lbs to make my total 6.5 lbs. When I entered my weight online I got the whole “STOP – take notice – shit a brick – you’re losing weight too fast!” pop-up. I wanted to be able to reply, “Um…just you wait – some time around next week I’ll show a gain or lose just point 1 lbs. Calm the F down. This is what happens when you stop eating pizza 16 times a day followed by an IV drip of Mountain Dew. Mmkkaayy?”
- I watched the neighbor kids this weekend. Their mother is going through a really tough divorce. Before the kids came over, I told Banana that the neighbor kid, Amy and her siblings would be coming over for a while. She looked at me and dead serious said, “Mom – do you know that Amy comes with a lot of baggage?”
I said, “What?” I was thinking who the hell told her that? Shitballs.
She said, “Yah. Every time she comes over here she brings her makeup bag, her nail polish bag and her toy bag. She brings a lot of stuff with her.”
AKA “baggage” in the eyes of a 6 year old.
- Recently – extended family wise – the proverbial shit has hit the fan…and scattered all over the room and down the hall…and into the garage…and all over my world. That’s what it feels like anyway. It astounds me how dumb people think I am. For instance, a certain family member drank themselves into oblivion and passed out in a car. The police found them slumped over the steering wheel unaware of their own name. Later, after becoming conscious – this person swore to everyone around them “that they are diabetic” – which is why they passed out. Pay no attention to the liquor and pills in their lap. It’s the sudden onset of diabetes. Duh. Diabetics everywhere pass out randomly. Again. Duh.
F*ck me running. I mean really?
- My latest endeavor in life is trying to figure out how to snort M&Ms. Skittles are on the back burner. Right now I cannot get enough of the brightly colored little chocolate pieces of heaven. Truth be told – the MAIN reason I love Skittles and M&Ms is literally their color. They are so pretty all laid out that it’s impossible not to fall in love with them and take baths in them.
Honestly – think about it. Could you lay in a bathtub of Skittles or M&Ms and not smile? Not be blissfully happy? Not want to live there? Stay there for hours? Sleep there? Eat there?
Well – at least until they start melting. Wouldn’t it be cool though if all the colors melted on your skin and when you got out you’d be a literal human rainbow?
Yes. I am insane. Where have you been? I made that clear years ago.
That’s all I got today. I’m saving the good shit for WTF Wednesday. That’s just how I roll.