Wednesday, April 18, 2012

WTF Wednesday.

In Care Bear Land, I’m officially calling it WTF Wednesday. It’s a pretty good day for some random thoughts as I skip from cloud to cloud, farting gumdrops all the way. Join me, won’t you?

• I want to know why - on God’s green Earth - are grapefruits so labor intensive – thereby making me want to whip them at Explosive Man as he walks by for the 50th time? Seriously – how do you guys eat them? I do the whole slice it in half and eat the middle out with a spoon but I know I’ve seen my dad peel them like an orange. Both methods take FOREVER and I feel like when I’m done I got nothing but juice. Ever notice it’s like that with all fruits and veggies? What with the peeling and washing and cutting or whatever – is it any wonder why ripping open a bag of Doritoes and shoving my hand in is my first choice?

• This morning was meltdown city at my house. Banana didn’t get enough sleep and woke up and dressed herself. When she walked into the kitchen wearing skin tight too small black leggings matched with a tank top that was size 2T (she’s 6!!) – I knew we were gonna have some issues. I was staring at the mini me version of Pretty Woman when she was a hooker.

• Because our morning was so Leave it to Beaver perfect, do you wanna know what the last thing I got from my daughter today was…before I dutifully went off to work to pay for her food and board? She got out of the car and into the sitter’s arms and had her head on the sitter’s shoulder as the sitter walked up into the house and I pulled away. I looked at Banana and the little ass stain had the nerve to look right at me and stick her tongue out at me. My first instinct was to flip her off but then I remembered that would be inappropriate.

• My sister’s birthday is tomorrow. Last night I texted her and simply said, “Hey – in one more day you are gonna be OLD.” Wanna know her reply? She said, “Tis true. But I take comfort in knowing that no matter how old I get, you’ll always be more than a decade older than me. Yep, I said decade. It sounds so much worse than just saying 10.” To which I replied, “OMG – you are evil – like Cruella Devilla. Yep, I said Cruella. And you smell. So there.” -- Now don’t you wish that I was YOUR sister?

• I had my WW weigh in yesterday and lost 2.4 lbs….so I’m down 4 total. Still doing sprints, jogging and incline about every other day and feeling good.

• I have only had one slight migraine in the last three weeks and get this my Skittles…..I GAVE UP MOUNTAIN DEW. Well – I mean yesterday I didn’t have a single drop and none today either. And I don’t even have a headache. Are you spitting confetti and screaming at the top of your lungs for me – like right now – wherever you are? Seriously – there should be a parade or something because this is so monumental, don’t you think?

• Lastly, yesterday I walked into the bathroom by my office against my nose’s better judgement (I reeeealllly had to pee), turned and shut and locked the door, walked over to the toilet, looked down and…………walked my ass right back out of that bathroom as I swore out loud and said, “I just can’t do it.” All the ladies with offices around me cracked up because they heard what I said….and I just kept running to the women’s bathroom. To safety. I’m sorry – there’s just no way that I’m putting my ass that close to someone else’s poop that is still hanging out. By the way – we’re having tornado drills this week and THAT bathroom is my safety zone I have to go to in the case of a tornado. You can bet your ass that I told the HR department that I would rather face a tornado than go in that bathroom with co-workers. That is NOT a safety zone. Kill. Me. Now. I cannot deal.

And that concludes WTF Wednesday – which makes absolutely no sense and has no definition (kinda like my waist line). Hope you liked it!


Laura Belle said...

I like this post and I like you. So there.

That's ok, on the tornado thang, our 'safety coordinator' told us to GO OUTSIDE and into another building. WTF is that??? Go outside?! In a tornado?! I'll pass, F*ck you very much, I like my life.

So, I don't want to work today. I just want to cruise the interwebs and pretend that it's Sept already and we are shopping for badass shoes and eating crap. Because clearly the last 2 weeks of eating crap have not satisfied the CrapEating Goddess that lives inside me.

BTW, you rock.


Ok, I'll leave you alone now.
Cheers Sunflower!!!

Dawnya said...

Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE your kids?!?

Tina @ The Bandit Girl said... excited for the lack of migraines! That is truly a game changer! BTW, that little stinker Banana sounds a lot like her mom. Sassy!

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

Grapefruit? Eww. Remember the Miami Heart Institute Diet, where you had to eat hot dogs (VERY healthy), cantaloupe, beets and grapefruit? Yeah, didn't survive that one.

Brenda said...

I am laughing! Love WTF Wednesday!

jennxaz said...

If I had a dime for everytime I walked in and out of a work bathroom in 2 min because of disgust I would be rich!

Gilly said...

I peel my grapefruit like an orange,,,then I peel away all the outer stff that holds the segments together...whatever that's called...and then I just eat the yummy juicy part. Labour intensive, yes, but totally worth it!!

terbear287 said...

I eat my grapefruit like Gilly! Yumm, yep takes some work but so good! Now I want a grapefruit!

Kelliann said...

"My first instinct was to flip her off but then I remembered that would be inappropriate."
This made me spew Diet Dr. Pepper all over my computer screen. So, thanks for that. Also, I want to do that on a daily basis to my little nugget, who isn't even 2 yet. So, I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Kelly said...

Great WI, Draz! :-)

RockBand Barbie said...

I totally am spitting confetti and screaming at the top of my lungs for you!!

Andrea said...

Congrats on the loss!! And giving up mountain dew?!? Good for you!

Lana in MI said... grandmother (who was an angel) used to cut her grapefruit in half and SLICE each triangle! WTH? I never could eat them. As for flipping off the kid...LMAO I think I'd have the same response. Darn little monsters anyway. Gotta love 'em. As for the tornado drill...tell 'em to F themselves. I'd never go in that bathroom either! Kill me first.

Sarah said...

Oh my God! Hysterical! I have an aversion to other people's poo too! Nasty!