I don’t feel like doing BYOC today so I’m linking up with Raven who is linking up with Adventures of Newlyweds to do “Friday’s Letters”.
Grab the button and link up too! It is fun and a change from BYOC!
Dear Policeman – in this economy you shouldn’t be allowed to write tickets to anyone. No one can afford it (especially when Mama has shoes to buy). You can suck my left tit. Well really you can’t. But you know what I mean.
Dear daughter and mom in the store having a pissing match in public – you’re ruining my shopping experience. Stop it. Go home and fight. Don’t make me separate you.
Dear ex-boyfriend – it’s weird having you at my house – even if it’s to discuss business. It weirds me out to see you and Rambo talking even though you are good friends and classmates. I know how you feel about me – and that makes it even weirder.
Dear Martha Stewart and Explosive Man – thank you for both taking the same day off of work at once. It’s like paradise city when you do that. The only thing that would make being at work better is if I was having sex on my desk with Rambo – with the door open. Twice.
Dear EL James – author of 50 Shades – I love your books. They are an easy read. However – they are VERY similar to porn in that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all and it gets old. Reading porn takes significantly more effort than watching porn and I’m not sure it’s worth the effort.
Dear maker of 360 degree mirrors in dressing rooms – no one will buy a damn thing if you insist on putting these in dressing rooms. It allows me to see every inch of fat and cellulite from 15 different angles and makes me want to run from the room – not try on more things and buy them. I hate you. You must be the same sadistic mother heifer who invented nylons and 8 inch heels.
Dear random cashier at Panera Bread who asked to see my tattoo and called it beautiful – I love you. If it wasn’t sexual harassment, I would have probably kissed you. Also – thank you for any part you played in making your orgasmic cinnamon crunch bagels. The world owes you big time. Did I mention I love you?
Dear best friend – about my Dad? You’re right. I’ll make you proud. And thank you.
Have a good weekend Skittles! Don’t forget to link up!