Friday, June 15, 2012

Friday's Letters Link Up!!!


I don’t feel like doing BYOC today so I’m linking up with Raven who is linking up with Adventures of Newlyweds to do “Friday’s Letters”.
Grab the button and link up too! It is fun and a change from BYOC!

Dear Policeman – in this economy you shouldn’t be allowed to write tickets to anyone. No one can afford it (especially when Mama has shoes to buy). You can suck my left tit. Well really you can’t. But you know what I mean.

Dear daughter and mom in the store having a pissing match in public – you’re ruining my shopping experience. Stop it. Go home and fight. Don’t make me separate you.

Dear ex-boyfriend – it’s weird having you at my house – even if it’s to discuss business. It weirds me out to see you and Rambo talking even though you are good friends and classmates. I know how you feel about me – and that makes it even weirder.

Dear Martha Stewart and Explosive Man – thank you for both taking the same day off of work at once. It’s like paradise city when you do that. The only thing that would make being at work better is if I was having sex on my desk with Rambo – with the door open. Twice.

Dear EL James – author of 50 Shades – I love your books. They are an easy read. However – they are VERY similar to porn in that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all and it gets old. Reading porn takes significantly more effort than watching porn and I’m not sure it’s worth the effort.

Dear maker of 360 degree mirrors in dressing rooms – no one will buy a damn thing if you insist on putting these in dressing rooms. It allows me to see every inch of fat and cellulite from 15 different angles and makes me want to run from the room – not try on more things and buy them. I hate you. You must be the same sadistic mother heifer who invented nylons and 8 inch heels.

Dear random cashier at Panera Bread who asked to see my tattoo and called it beautiful – I love you. If it wasn’t sexual harassment, I would have probably kissed you. Also – thank you for any part you played in making your orgasmic cinnamon crunch bagels. The world owes you big time. Did I mention I love you?

Dear best friend – about my Dad? You’re right. I’ll make you proud. And thank you.

Have a good weekend Skittles! Don’t forget to link up!


angel shrout said...

seee if you would email me I could link you with my adult blog. I don't need 50 shades hello I write it for myself. LMBO at the having sex with Rambo on the desk.. you naughty girl, I see why I like you so well you are as twisted as me bwhahahaah..

Jen said...

I just learned something new about you. You are an exhibitionist? You want to do the deed at work on your desk WITH THE DOOR open, say WHAT?!!?? ha!

I know you would have anyway. You always make me proud. Love you! Happy Friday!

20 to go! said...

ooh! I lurve this! cinnamon crunch? Are you serious? Yum!

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

Addicted to French Toast and Coffee Crumb bagels!

Camille said...

I hate bad dressing room mirrors. No one wins.