Monday, June 11, 2012

Tattoos, titties and tightwads.

Jesus. What a title, huh?

I’m actually not going to explain it completely yet. Those three words can, however, sum up my weekend at the 2nd annual Tattoo Convention I worked at.

For 20 hours straight.

It required me to be social. And open and vulnerable.

I had to look people in the eyes, draw things for them that would permanently be on their bodies, quote them prices, laugh with them, joke with them, and be the first to approach them.

All things I have a reeeaaalllyyy hard time with.

But I did it. I have craploads of pictures to show you.
Of things you only see on websites like The People of Walmart.

And quite a few firsts – two of which are only about boobs

I just don’t have the energy or wit to write about it today. Today is the “day after” depression, anxiety and downright crabby-as-hell-ness that happens to me after my emotions and nerves run on high for such a long period of time.

I am beyond exhausted. More mentally than physically.

Sooo much of me wants to curl up in a ball with 16 white Kit Kats and an IV drip…in Rambo’s arms all day. Not moving or talking or going. Just a ball of me in his lap.

It’s the only place that feels safe and like home right now. On the day after I fight multiple fears.

For 20 hours straight.

I wish it wasn’t this hard. I wish I didn’t care enough to feel bad if I let myself say “no” to participating in stuff like this.

But I do. I refuse to live in a box just because it’s “hard” to get out of the box.

I learned and saw stuff this weekend I have never seen before in all my life. That’s worth something. I’m making memories and life experiences and teaching myself I’m stronger than any fear.

I couldn’t do that if I justified staying inside the safe box.

Life is meant to be lived.

Even if the whole day only consists of tattoos, titties and tightwads.

The “day after” shitstorm is worth it. You’ll agree when you see the pictures and hear the stories.

I promise.

Hang tight….they’re coming….soon.

17 comments:

LDswims said...

((((HUGS))))

I'm proud of you. And I know my hug is just a smidge of what you need. But I'll keep sending those hugs.

Can't wait to see pics.

Love you!

Chris said...

You must be exhausted. On all fronts. Take your time recovering - we'll be here, ready to look at those pics, but only when you're refreshed and ready to share them!

Dawnya said...

Good for you for stepping out of your box.

Mari said...

Inspired by your bravery sweetheart. I am a ball of anxious most of the time and to hear that you have similar problems and still managed your tattoo marathon is awesome. BIG LOVE x

Kyla said...

Can't wait to hear it. Also looking forward to all the google hits your page is going to get from this title :)

becca said...

[[HUGS]] and can't wait to hear and see all the amazing things you have to tell but till then rest and recuperate

Joanna said...

I love that you are able to step out of your box and experience stuff like this. Just think of all the memories you are builiding.

And I can't wait to hear and see more about it!!

Kelly said...

I am proud of you for stepping way outside of your comfort zone. You can't see me, but I'm totally hugging you through the computer!

RockBand Barbie said...

Can't wait to see all the pics and hear all about it! I got a new tat last week..forgot to post about it.

Lana in MI said...

You're awesome. Try to remember that most people are JUST LIKE YOU in a lot of ways! I come across to those that know me (or think they do) as So Outgoing! So funny and sassy! Most days I just want to stay home huddled in my hermit world of "HIDE FROM THE WORLD". I get it.
Way to go.

Barbara said...

Hugs to you sweetie..

Amy said...

can't wait to see pics. Relax and enjoy :)

Dazee Dreamer said...

Nothing better than white kit kat bars. except for maybe peanut butter m&ms

Ice Queen said...

Do you know how hard you rock, my dear? I am so proud of you for facing the firestorm and getting through it. I hope that your emotional hangover is a little easier and passes more quickly.

You rock.

Seriously!

mommykinz said...

Hope you were able to take your comfort day and just relax.
How are your migraines these days?

20 to go! said...

Seriously - one day I am going to step out of my comfort zone to jump on a plane and get one of your tattoos! I would love that! Hugs xoxo

trishajo said...

you're so brave Draz! 99.9% of people in your position choose the OPPOSITE, and suffer even more greatly from it. Props to you for facing your fears and getting it done - if for nothing else than to show your girls how brave and amazing their momma is! :) xoxo