1. Wanna know what I’ve had for supper every night this week so far? Like the literal ONLY thing I’ve eaten each night? 3 scoops of praline pecan ice cream. On the couch. In my pajamas. While the rest of the world enjoys the 80 degree perfect summer weather doing fun outside stuff. I sit inside – eating ice cream for supper. It’s bliss in a bowl.
2. Mountain Dew is a liquid gold orgasm in a can. Who needs cocaine to be addicted to with Mountain Dew around? Besides, it’s cheaper. And doesn’t show up on a random drug test.
3. Remember last year when Rambo and I worked at a biker/tattoo convention all night? Well, we got asked to help out again. It starts at noon and doesn’t end until the NEXT DAY. It’s going to require shitloads of Mt. Dew and Skittles to get me through it but I’m looking forward to it. Mostly just to spend all that time with Rambo
4. My mom is going to read the erotic book called 50 Shades of Grey and then she’ll want to discuss it. That could get awkward. I might pretend I never read it to avoid the whole impending discussion of things mothers and daughters should never discuss.
5. Rambo was officially sworn in as the permanent President/Mayor of our Village this week. As soon as the votes were tallied, an older gentleman who has served on the Board for over 20 years, gathered his papers, stood up and said, “Well if he’s President, then I resign.” And he walked out of the building. Wow. Just wow. What a terrible way to end your years of service. By throwing a tantrum because no one nominated you and you wanted to be the President. It was shocking to say the least.
6. My “sale” blog (Drazzie’s Closet) is almost ready to go…courtesy of my bestie’s amazing design skills (Just Foolin’ Blog Designs). I have a couple of Coach purses and lists upon lists of thing to sell from shoes to jewelry to clothes. Can’t wait to start clearing out some closets
7. I have maintained my 8.5 lb weight loss with WW. That’d be impressive if it was more like 12 lbs or something cuz that’s what it should be by now. But it’s not a gain…so that’s a good thing.
8. My kids have been saying “poopin’ reuben” every time I tell them to do something they don’t want to do. I have no idea what it means and it makes absolutely no sense and uses the dreaded P word but it is now my newest, most-overused sentiment.
9. I love it when kids use a completely wrong word. Like Banana last night. She came in to tell Rambo and I that the neighbor boy was here. She said, “He is being mean. He hit me in the arm with a ball. He is being a snot. He is just acting completely overwhelming.”
What? He is acting overwhelming? No, I think YOU are the one who is overwhelmed, my love. I told her because the neighbor boy has a penis he will remain a snot so she should try to get used to it. Okay, no I didn’t. I wanted to though.
10. I just now realized that a few days ago marked my 4 year anniversary since my tummy tuck. Did you know that once you get liposuction somewhere that fat will never deposit there again? So unless I gain massive amounts of weight, my stomach will remain flat and all the extra weight I carry will deposit in other places that I didn’t have liposuctioned. Like my ass. And my face. And the rest of my entire body. But dammit my stomach will be flat. Cripes.
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