I’m going to participate in Laura Belle’s Ten Things Thursday.
So let’s roll.
1. Have you ever seen Ed Hardy jeans? They have artwork all over them so they are very unique and snazzy. Usually skulls or dragons or tigers on the back pockets and then down the legs. Well – since yours truly has the ass the size of OJ Simpson’s ego…I refuse to buy a pair since they are also way overpriced. (their sizes are whacked out. I bought an XL pair of black Ed Hardy sweatpants once and they fit my 60 pound 12 year old. That’s how small the XL size is.) Anywhoozle, Miss Martha Stewart (that’d be me) is going to make her own pair. That’s right. I’m going to draw on and bling out a pair of jeans I have. It’ll either be disastrous or way cool. I’ll keep you posted.
2. Rambo got a speeding ticket and an overweight ticket and 2 warnings in the semi this week. He was going 75 in a 65 which is funny considering the truck tops out and can’t go faster than 72. And he was only 350 lbs overweight. Seriously – that can be the weight of his diesel fuel. Mother heifer douchelicking servants of the law are not my friends.
3. My new sale blog is up and running. It’s called Drazzie’s Closet and I’m in love with the design that Jenny made for it. Please check it out (click on banner badge at top of this page)!
4. Have you ever watched that show “Big Fat Gypsy Wedding” on TLC? It’s all about traveling gypsies and their lifestyles. The women’s ONLY job is to clean the house – every day all day. I was watching it with my 12 year old last night and she looked at me and said, “Mom – we should get a gypsy to live here.” F*cking brilliant. A live in gypsy cleaner. Perfect.
5. On Tuesday I ate 3 white Kit Kats. I’m not gonna lie. I would have eaten a 4th one had there been any left. I’m talking full size candy bars. No. I do not wonder why Sheniqua hangs out on my hips and ass. It’s pretty damn obvious.
6. All the women at work have now read 50 Shades of Grey. Which is fun. And slightly inappropriate and awkward to discuss – at the office. As Explosive Man walks by. For those of you who haven’t read it yet – here’s a summary. It’s Pretty Woman meets Beauty and the Beast with a side of triple XXX porn.
7. I haven’t spoken to my sister in literal weeks. She lives one mile from me. I haven’t seen one of my brothers in over 6 months. Haven’t talked to or seen the other one in well over a year. They are less than 3 hours from me. It makes me sad. Even sadder yet that I’m the only that it makes sad. Some day some of us will be gone and we’ll have nothing left but regrets. We’re all supposed to get together in August. Which makes me nervous. People I literally grew up with every day and now as an adult – I don’t even know them or how to spend time with them. We’re just never gonna be the Brady Bunch and I’m just never going to stop wanting us to be.
8. Rambo won a gun at some raffle the other day. He was supremely proud of himself for winning a free gun. To this I say – men are stupid. Dude – you paid $200 for the f*cking raffle tickets AND after you won it you bought and had a $400 scope mounted on the mother-f*cking FREE gun. Are the only people who can clearly see that you PAID for this gun those with vaginas?
9. Rambo came home from the prison the other day and told me “another teacher had a nervous breakdown” today and a woman Officer and her father Supervisor got walked out of the prison for fraternization. I asked what it means when someone has a nervous breakdown. Like what does that look like? He said, “She went all nuts and started yelling and screaming and swearing.” I didn’t say it out loud but I thought to myself – well then – I have about 16 nervous breakdowns a day. Regarding the female Officer and Supervisor. She had a little “thing” with a few inmates and her father the Supervisor tried to cover it up. Major no no. Even worse when the female’s HUSBAND works at the prison as well. Jesus.
10. Today I’d like to throw shanks at everyone who walks by my office. Is that wrong? Sounds kind of like a nervous breakdown to me. I better go home for the day, don’t you think?
Now go do TTT on your blog. It’s the only good thing about being awake so early in the morning, I swear.