Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Titties and tightwads continued....

Let’s begin with titties and tightwads today…mostly because I still haven’t gotten my pictures ready for the tattoo post yet.


I don’t have titty and tightwad pictures. But oh do I have stories about them.

Regarding titties (God, I hate that word)…yours truly assisted in and saw her first nipple piercing evah!

Give me a T. Give me an I. Give me a T…oh forget it. It’s not that exciting.

It’s actually creepy as hell to watch a fellow woman stick sharp things through her nipples. Guess why she did it?

Because her stupid husband with a penis wanted her to.

She was pretty and cute and wasn’t even a biker. Not a single tattoo on her body. She already looked out of place at this biker party and when we told her we’d pierce her nipples, she said what any normal woman would have.

“Right here? In front of all these people?”

The piercer lady said, “Honey, look around you. You’re surrounded by bikers. If you can’t whip your tits out in front of everyone, you probably don’t belong here.”

I followed that sentiment up with, “Give me a second honey. I’ll get a tablecloth to hold up so no one can see your boobs get mangled.”

She was very grateful. So 4 of us women held tarps and tablecloths up and her booblets were prepped. The asshole husband was nice enough to hold her hand.

I asked if she wanted pictures to document the event and she said sure.

So yours truly not only witnessed the destruction of two perfectly nice nipples – but I documented it. I was all up in her boob space making sure I didn’t miss anything.

I seriously thought to myself, “I wonder if this is how porn camera men feel. I feel dirty.”

The whole damn thing was just ODD. And let me tell you – piercing your nipples hurts like a mother heifer. She almost passed out. She bled because she had been drinking. Her boobs are going to swell for up to 6 weeks.

I told her husband that it serves him right that he can’t touch them for 6 weeks. I also told him if he really loved her, he’d have his penis pierced also.

I don’t think he liked me very much.

After that – about 3am – was the titty contest. At first, I wasn’t going to go watch. Mostly because out of everyone at the entire biker party – there wasn’t one set of boobs I cared to ever see. Many women had worn so little clothing that I feel like I had already seen their boobs.

But it was a night of firsts so I dragged Rambo out to the contest. We were slightly far away but we could see enough. There were 4 women. All of which had entered the tattoo area earlier. 3 of which made my eyes itch when I saw them because I’m not sure they knew what real clothes or showers were.

I wanted to pay them NOT to be in the titty contest. One of the women had a full blown HUGE alien head tattooed right in the middle of her chest above her boobs. It’s the kind of tattoo that would frighten small children and bunnies. And there it is – right on her chest. Won’t that be pretty some day as she walks down the aisle?

Anyway – there was one woman of the 4 who had a great body and knew what she was doing. She had mmmmooooovvveesss. And she decided she really wanted to win so she got completely naked like that was just a normal every day thing for her. (I’m guessing maybe it was normal for her…she had moves like a professional stripper) At one point – she did the splits on stage.

All I could think was “How dumb is she to do the splits naked on a stage where bikers and headbangers have been all night? Can you say sanitary?” I mean I was worried for my own cooter all night and mine never left the comfort of my shorts.

So naked not afraid of scabies girl won the pot. $400.

The other girls just lost the last shred of dignity they had before they got on stage.

Wow. Just wow.

Moving on to tightwads. Seriously – I know the economy is bad but I’ve never seen so much haggling over tattoo and piercing prices in my life.

We were swamped. 20 straight hours of piercings and tats….meaning we didn’t give a damn if we turned people away. We had enough business without doing any haggling.

One very inebriated fellow said to me:

How much to pierce my tongue?

$40.

That’s too much.

We take credit cards.

I don’t have that much on my credit card. Can you do it for $5?

I wanted to scream, “Do you understand profit and loss you douchelicker?”


At $5 – we wouldn’t even cover the tools and materials it takes to pierce your disgusting tongue. If you don’t have $40 to spare, how the hell did you pay $15 to get in this place and how did you buy those cigarettes in your hand? I don’t like you. Go sit in the corner or I will shank your tongue for free. Multiple times.

That guy came back 5 more times to ask if we’d do it for $5. Seriously.

Another bunch of girls got quoted $70 for a pretty good size Chinese symbol tat in FULL color.

If you know anything about tattoos – they are not only priced on size – but also on how much color is used.

This crotch kept saying, “Well, my friend said he’d do it for $40. They are just lines.”

GO GET IT DONE BY YOUR FRIEND THEN YOU WHORE. Do you understand these people have to make a profit and make a living doing this? They have to pay for needles and ink and licenses and supplies!

I almost shanked her in her fake boob to see if I could pop it.

It was like that for quite a few of them. Always wanting it done for less as they stood there with their gallon jugs of beer and cigarettes.

But there were just as many who were too drunk to even notice if you charged them $1000 an hour. Some men would hand me their card before I even told them a price.

One guy’s card declined him for a $60 tattoo. Again – how did you pay to get in here?

I’ve never met so many mother heifers in all my life. I’ve never learned so much about drugs in my entire life either since it was sometimes my job to watch retail. AKA – glass weed pipes. So freaking weird. People deliberate for a long time over the perfect pipe like I deliberate over the perfect shoe. I suppose it’s the same…except shoes are legal…and better than any drug.

Okay – I’m done. This was way too long. Soon I’ll have the tat pictures and stories. I bet you just can’t wait huh?

PS - don't forget to check out my new SALE BLOG called Drazzie's Closet!  (Click on badge ribbon at the top of this page!)

13 comments:

jennxaz said...

I feel there are some things you don't dicker over...I mean really you get what you pay for and do you want to skimp on something that will be on your body FOREVER!!!

~Miss Lorie~ said...

I've been waiting for your post! :) I can't believe the lady and the nipple piercing! Or maybe I can't believe her husband...?

FitBy40 said...

Oh Good Lord, it's like a circus! I'd love to go and just people watch at one of these events.

Laura Belle said...

Holy crap! I love your adventures! I remember last year when you went to this. This time feels like it was a tad bit more cray-cray! lol

Now I want another tat. That's what I said last year when you went and then I went out and got one. cripes.

Kristin50 said...

You crack me the hell up you know that! I simply love you!

What fun you have, I would love to tag along sometime.

Jen from Oregon said...

when I was much much younger I went twice to a very respected place to have my tits pierced and chickened out both times...I'm over it now. I'm getting my belated birthday tattoo today but now I'm scared. lol

justjenn said...

My nipples hurt just reading this!!

Jen said...

I can't handle it! I'm going to pretend you were at a skittles convention instead. OK?

LDswims said...

I love what Jen said. I'm going to pretend the same thing. I can't believe you saw all this and survived with humor intact. I'd be the one cowering in the corner telling people to back off.

Ok, not really. I'd be laughing at everyone - and telling the broke dumbasses to give up the damned smokes. LOL - I'da probably been yelling at everyone. I mean, the lack of common sense must mean they can't hear, right?

LuckyEight16 said...

$40 for a tongue piercing?!?! I freaking paid $80 for mine and that was 10 years ago now! Shoulda gone to you guys.... I didn't know you could negotiate the price of a tat or piercing. I am fairly new to tats, I only have 1 (although I'm getting #2 Sat!), but when I walk in and ask how much, I kind of accept that that's the price. I don't negotiate when I go to the grocery store or out to a restaurant or anything else, why is this different? *shm*

Kyla said...

Wow. I know nothing about everything. That was amazing!

Dawnya said...

We know I'm not shy...but the sanitation issues would have sent me running for the door.

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

Did your husband have any "mayorly" duties at the festival? Like did he get to "crown" the winner of the "beauty" contest?