Join me for WTF Wednesday!
If you do your own WTF Wednesday post, be sure to come back here and add your link at the end of this post so we can all be sure to read it.
Let’s begin, shall we?
- Do any of you have a retractable awning on your home off your deck? WhyTF do they cost over a grand? It’s basically just a large windup window shade. Seriously – I don’t get it. I’m about ready to get a big blue tarp and duct tape it to the house and two trees, draw stripes on it with a gigantic Sharpie and call it a homemade awning. There are too many choices and they are too expensive. Annoying.
- How many of you believe that when you call someone that you should use a greeting such as “Hello” or “Hi there”? Just raise your hand if you agree. Okay good. That’s what I thought. My mother never got this lesson in school. WTF! She called the other night and I kid you not – I picked up the phone and I said, “Hello” like normal people do and this is what she said:
"Eggs? I have 2 dozen of them and I can bring them over if you need them or do you know someone else who needs them? Cuz I have eggs."
My reply was, “Hi. It’s nice to hear from you. How are you? Yes. I need eggs.”
- Speaking of eggs. Okay – my mother and father live together in their house. One of them doesn’t eat eggs. So by the laws of math that leaves only one person that does eat eggs that lives in that house. Yet – they, being my exceptionally smart parents, bought FIVE chickens. See a problem here? Chickens are shitting out eggs like Casey Anthony spits out lies and there’s noone to eat them. You think? Jesus armpits. I live in the crotch of insanity. WTF doesn’t even begin to cover it.
- I tell my kids they are not allowed to use the word hate so I’m just going to tell you all that I strongly dislike banks, appraisors, appraisals, interest rates, discussing PMI, terms, loan to value numbers, and generally anything to do with the housing market in its current state of disarray. Refinancing would be WAY easier if I wasn’t well versed in this crap from working at a bank because then I could just be ignorant and sign papers willy nilly. I’d like to poke tiny little needles into who I believe is responsible for the mess we are in….but I try to refrain from politics here. Instead I will just yell WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Now listen – I’m no spring chicken (holy shit – this post is all about chickens, isn’t it?) BUT I’m not an old witch yet either. I have been married for nearly 20 years but my wedding wasn’t that long ago. Fine – maybe it was. Still. I find it hard to believe that I am that out of touch with how weddings and showers go these days. I got a wedding invitation to my cousin’s wedding. I shit you not – it actually said on the inside, “Blank and Blank would like furniture store gift certificates.” The end.
WTF is going on? Now you tell me what I’m going to buy you for a gift? It said the person who wraps the gift certificate with the most creativity will win a prize. This means that basically – if you get them something other than a gift certificate – you’re going to look like an asshole. How will gift opening go? Now everyone is going to KNOW how cheap I am. I can’t even regift for shit’s sake. How is this fair to the gift giver? Am I supposed to feel relieved? Cuz I just feel offended. Or something.
- Wanna know something good about living in Podunk? If you put up a swimming pool that holds over 4000 gallons of water and you don’t want to waste 24 hours using one tiny hose to fill it up – you call your neighbor who is in the fire department and you slip him a $20 and he gets the big ‘ol fire truck and fills your pool in negative 8 seconds for you. WTF can I say? Podunk does have its advantages.
That's all I got for today. Now go do your WTF Wednesday and come back here and link up!!!