Wednesday, June 27, 2012

WTF Wednesday!

Join me for WTF Wednesday!
If you do your own WTF Wednesday post, be sure to come back here and add your link at the end of this post so we can all be sure to read it.

Let’s begin, shall we?

- Do any of you have a retractable awning on your home off your deck? WhyTF do they cost over a grand? It’s basically just a large windup window shade. Seriously – I don’t get it. I’m about ready to get a big blue tarp and duct tape it to the house and two trees, draw stripes on it with a gigantic Sharpie and call it a homemade awning. There are too many choices and they are too expensive. Annoying.

- How many of you believe that when you call someone that you should use a greeting such as “Hello” or “Hi there”? Just raise your hand if you agree. Okay good. That’s what I thought. My mother never got this lesson in school. WTF! She called the other night and I kid you not – I picked up the phone and I said, “Hello” like normal people do and this is what she said:

"Eggs? I have 2 dozen of them and I can bring them over if you need them or do you know someone else who needs them? Cuz I have eggs."

My reply was, “Hi. It’s nice to hear from you. How are you? Yes. I need eggs.”

- Speaking of eggs. Okay – my mother and father live together in their house. One of them doesn’t eat eggs. So by the laws of math that leaves only one person that does eat eggs that lives in that house. Yet – they, being my exceptionally smart parents, bought FIVE chickens. See a problem here? Chickens are shitting out eggs like Casey Anthony spits out lies and there’s noone to eat them. You think? Jesus armpits. I live in the crotch of insanity. WTF doesn’t even begin to cover it.

- I tell my kids they are not allowed to use the word hate so I’m just going to tell you all that I strongly dislike banks, appraisors, appraisals, interest rates, discussing PMI, terms, loan to value numbers, and generally anything to do with the housing market in its current state of disarray. Refinancing would be WAY easier if I wasn’t well versed in this crap from working at a bank because then I could just be ignorant and sign papers willy nilly. I’d like to poke tiny little needles into who I believe is responsible for the mess we are in….but I try to refrain from politics here. Instead I will just yell WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Now listen – I’m no spring chicken (holy shit – this post is all about chickens, isn’t it?) BUT I’m not an old witch yet either. I have been married for nearly 20 years but my wedding wasn’t that long ago. Fine – maybe it was. Still. I find it hard to believe that I am that out of touch with how weddings and showers go these days. I got a wedding invitation to my cousin’s wedding. I shit you not – it actually said on the inside, “Blank and Blank would like furniture store gift certificates.” The end.

WTF is going on? Now you tell me what I’m going to buy you for a gift? It said the person who wraps the gift certificate with the most creativity will win a prize. This means that basically – if you get them something other than a gift certificate – you’re going to look like an asshole. How will gift opening go? Now everyone is going to KNOW how cheap I am. I can’t even regift for shit’s sake. How is this fair to the gift giver? Am I supposed to feel relieved? Cuz I just feel offended. Or something.

- Wanna know something good about living in Podunk? If you put up a swimming pool that holds over 4000 gallons of water and you don’t want to waste 24 hours using one tiny hose to fill it up – you call your neighbor who is in the fire department and you slip him a $20 and he gets the big ‘ol fire truck and fills your pool in negative 8 seconds for you. WTF can I say? Podunk does have its advantages.

That's all I got for today.  Now go do your WTF Wednesday and come back here and link up!!!


Laura Belle said...

Omg this was awesome!!!

I think you should buy them the ugliest dish set you can find, instead of the gift cert. It'd be so hilarious. Well, at least I would think it'd be hilarious.

And filling up the pool with a fire truck is bomb diggity. Soooo would have happened in my Podunk too.

jennxaz said...

my mom has 20 chickens...she did not realize how many eggs she was going to get on a daily basis...needless to say I make a lot of things with eggs in it!

MandaPanda said...

I agree with Laura Belle! I'm sorry but that's just rude. When I got married, I was fresh out of college and moving cross country. I needed cash. But I did what any well raised person would do...I registered for the normal crap and then had my mom spread the word to anyone who wanted to know what we REALLY needed that a check would do just fine. Ugh! No one has manners anymore!

Rachel said...

it is soooo rude to say anything about gifts on an invitation... I am with Manda on the spreading the word through people - we also have a wishingwell on so people can contribute to our projects without having to spend a certain amount!

Ronnie said...

Furniture store gift cards... weird.

Did it say which furniture store, or just one in general? I say everyone gets one from different stores just so they can't buy anything big. =P

Steph said...

I know I'm a bitch, but if someone tells me on an INVITATION that they want cash or gift certificates from a certain store, they will most certainly get anything but.

You are getting married, GIFTS ARE NOT REQUIRED and to registrys are just ideas for people who want to have a gift but have no idea what you'd like. It is a guideline. But for people to ask and say that we want you to spend money and get us "gift certificates" is TACKY, TACKY, TACKY.

FitBy40 said...

we want chickens here, some neighbors have them, but I was thinking 2 would be good for us!
I think that's tacky to dictate the gift for a wedding. Not cool.

Ice Queen said...

No. Just no. You do not state your preferred (and, may I add stupidly expensive!) gifts in your wedding invitations! Miss Manners is spinning in her well appointed grave, right now.

It is time for the guests to band together and everyone go buy an ugly, cheap (preferably from the dollar store) vase or piece of bric-a-brac and wrap it beautifully and plonk it on the gift table. A huge pile of ugly crap should teach those greedy, tacky people a good lesson.

Of course, I am a bitch that way. :P

I hope that you like quiche and souffles. lol

Joanna said...

Had a great time joining in with this one... and I just love the chicken story.

angel shrout said...

Umm I will take some eggs, please and ty. I mean we have 5 people in this house and we all eat eggs..
The wedding invitation I would be damned if I got them furniture gift certificates. I would RSVP and say I am sorry but the last time I checked there was a thing called gratitude and being thankful we even had people who loved us enough to come to our wedding, if they brought a gift that was great but not required.. mmmhmmm cause that is how I roll.

terbear287 said...

I am so with you on the word "hate". It is not used in my house either. There is always another way to say you don't like something.

As for the gift thing! I think it is ridiculous to say the least. Here they do a "money tree". Written on the invitation "in lieu of gifts we will have a money tree" WTF guess what you will be getting from me, some crap still in the box I got from my wedding and I am not even going to dust it off......lame.

Ducky said...

Wow...chickens? Really? Five? At least Easter will be fun. Don't suppose one of them has Alzheimer's? That would make for a REALLY fun Easter. They could hide their own eggs!

Sorry. Was that in poor taste.

becca said...

i agree a simple Hello or Hi is always a nice way to start a phone call

tz said...

hello and OMG my sister does the same's like she starts her conversation in the middle of the conversation that was going on in her head before I answer...and she gets mad and me when I have no clue what the hell she's talking about...she does that with her texts too...frustrating.