Ten Things Thursday time! Apparently in Care Bear Land where I live - 10 = 8 cuz that's all I got today!
Here we go!
1. We finally got our pool up and it’s SO MUCH FUN! Of course it helps that the weather is 109 and hotter than Satan’s crotch but I’m loving it. Sometimes I just lay on my floatie and close my eyes and it reminds me of my teen years when all I had to do all day was lay out and eat and wait for Rambo to come get me at night for dates. And running around in a bikini all day drives Rambo crazy (in a good way) and that always makes me smile.
2. Speaking of Rambo being crazy….have you guys ever heard of a “cut for a poke”? The other night Rambo yells in the other room to me, “Get your ass in here so I can cut for a poke.” Or something like that. I was all like what the hell does that even mean? He then rolls his eyes like I’m crazy because I don’t know.
Apparently, back in the old western days (in which I did NOT live - duh!) cowboys would stroll into saloons and the bartender would hold up a deck of cards and ask them if they wanted to cut for a poke? If the cowboy drew a card that was higher than the bartender’s, their “poke” with the bar girl/hooker was free. If the card was lower – they had to pay for their “poke”. Nice huh? He’s sooo romantic, isn’t he?
3. Let’s do one more Rambo one. Remember how I mentioned that it’s 109 degrees out? Well, beyond that I’m a hot person. I am always hot. I have no idea why. I just am. Rambo is a furnace when he sleeps. He is also a cuddler slash spooner. Which is fun. But only when it’s not 109 degrees out. So he’s wrapped around me like a bun on a hot dog and I push him off in the middle of the night and mumble, “it’s too hot” (you know how when skin sticks to bare skin when it’s hot – we were doing that)….and he in his mid-sleep – grabs a blanket and shoves it in between us and proceeds to spoon me again like the “skin sticking” issue was the only problem I had. Bastard – it’s HOT. Shoving a blanket in between us does not make me less hot!! GET OFF ME! PS...I love you. Jesus.
4. There are no less than 6 laundry baskets full of clothes to put away in my bedroom right now. F*ck a duck and call it Larry. Or call a maid. That would work.
5. Tomorrow Rambo and me and my Dad are building a 16x18 deck. Yup. When it’s 109 degrees out. When we’re done I might get a tattoo that says STUPID right on my forehead too. It should be fun. If I don’t pass out from heat exhaustion while the kids stare at me from inside the pool. Jerkfaces.
6. Rambo has the next 20 days off for no reason. This makes it insanely hard for me to get up in the mornings and go to work when he’s all cuddly and staying home. I might have to write douche nugget on his forehead with a Sharpie after he falls asleep.
7. I just bought a cute new planner to go in my new Coach purse. I thought I was being all budgetary and smart until I got to the shopping cart and you could add pen holders, notepads, stickers and a freaking colored pen set! How could I not add those things? I’m such a sucker. $80 later and I have the coolest, personalized planner ever made. Until next week when I find a better one anyway. I am a SUCKER for planners.
8. Speaking of Coach purses – I searched for weeks for a Coach Peyton purse in white with the legacy striping interior and finally found one and with Jenny’s research and help – I hit the BUY button. I paid more for this purse than my first car. Oh fine – not that much – but it felt like it. And wanna know the shits of it? I don’t like it. Crap on a stick. It’s gorgeous but not big enough and I found a white Coach purse that IS big enough that I love so I’ll have to sell the Peyton one on my other blog or Ebay.
Oh oh - wait - I just totally thought of 2 more! NOW I HAVE ALL 10!!
9. Ugh - annoying - but it's another Rambo one. Rambo does NOT understand texting which means he does not understand Sexting either. I was Sexting him the other day when I knew he was in the semi using his hands-free phone knowing he could only read the texts because he cannot text back while driving semi. So I Sexted him something and do you know what he did? HE CALLED ME! I mean like 3 seconds after he read it - he called me. WTF??? You don't call someone after they sext you. It's a game. A tease. A read this but you can't do anything about it until later. Cat and mouse. You know? I felt like an idiot. Like - um - HI - what should we talk about? HANG UP so I can go back to Sexting you!!! UGH
10. We have two cats. Though I'm not a cat person - our kids love them - so we have grown to love them too. They are good cats. No peeing or puking or any of that nonsense. Except about once a year. I went into Banana's room the other morning and felt my toes squish into something cold. Then I screamed in the pitch black of night because nothing cold or squishy should be on the floor. Cat puke. In my pretty manicured toe ringed toes. If I could have caught the cat - I would have footballed him out the door. Oh geez - no I wouldn't have. I totally would have shanked him though. Eat that PETA.