Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Things that suck donkey balls...........

I’ve decided to make a list about things that I think suck donkey balls right now in the hopes that writing them down will suddenly turn them into fun things that I will love to do instead.


• Grocery shopping. Seriously – doesn’t it just suck? I mean it costs sooo much to eat and I get nothing out of it. Well I get fat but other than that it’s not like it’s a pair of shoes I can wear. I leave the grocery store with one bag and the 15 year old bored as hell hates the world teenager behind the register says, “That’ll be $109.87.” WTF? For ONE bag? That’s what it feels like. And it takes too long.

• Something else that also sucks ginormous balls is the fact that I used to work out for at least an hour a day and I loved it and now I can’t seem to step foot near my workout clothes. I am justifying the fact that I no longer have time to work out like I used to by saying that I didn’t used to have 2 part time jobs. But between you and me – I still have time. Cripes.

• People who can’t do their jobs. OMG in heaven. I want to shank nearly everyone who has anything to do with my other 2 jobs right now. They are political/governmental so red tape is freaking everywhere and nothing is simple and I swear there’s a damn ordinance for how much we can pee in a day. I am having a reeeeallllyyyy hard time not grabbing everything from these people and yelling, “GIVE IT TO ME – I”LL DO IT MYSELF AND I’LL DO IT RIGHT!” you f*cking ninkompoops.

• Jobs in general. Yup – jobs in general are things that suck. Though I love all of mine – if given the choice – I’d do none of them. Like ever again. I’d stay home all day and watch reruns of A Baby Story and eat Cheetos until all my fingers were orange so I’d have a legitimate reason to take 16 Skittle baths a day.

• Asshole kids with orange hair and guns and ammo and a point to prove by taking other people’s lives. Yah – they suck bad. I can barely look at the guy on TV. He brings out a whole new level of angry that I haven’t felt since 9/11. I’m so sorry for the victims.

• Being the mom of that asshole kid with orange hair. Can you even imagine the horror she must feel?

• Droughts. They suck a lot. And where I live we’re in the middle of one. Seriously – there’s a fire ban in my town so you’re not even allowed to fart outside because it’ll start a wild fire. My flowers are dead, dead and deader. It’s so pretty. So glad I spent millions on all the landscaping.

• Non-busy hours at work so that all I sit and do is draw pretty pictures of rooms in my house remodeled. This is never good. Because the next normal step after drawing the new rooms is to call a contractor and get to making my drawings real. Which in turn sucks because it requires me to get a 4th, 5th and probably 6th job. Um, no thank you.

• Calories. Suck ass. A fat baby’s ass in fact. There are too damn many in everything I want to eat. But like spinach and broccoli have none. It’s wrong on so many levels.

Okay – that’s it…this isn’t making anything better. It’s probably just depressing you. I gotta go. My Mountain Dew IV drip just got clogged because I tried to mix it with crushed sweettarts. Turns out those suckers don’t mix well with others. Now what am I gonna do to wake the hell up?

11 comments:

Marcella said...

haha I got a good laugh at this...very well said! I would agree they all suck. :)

Fit Mom said...

Too funny! And yes. I would hate to be Mr. Orange Hairs mom.

FitBy40 said...

The burn ban here took place right after I cut down a dead tree in my yard. Now I have dead tree branches sitting at my fire pit just waiting to be burned. Nice
I spent a fortune on my veggie garden too, and despite my best efforts, I don't think much of it is going to survive all this!

Julie Taylor said...

Not so depressing...more amusing lol for the most part. I think we can all agree Mr. orange hair suck donkey MAJOR donkey balls...

Righteous Runner said...

I hate grocery shopping. My fridge is completely empty right now because I absolutely dread going to the damn store.

It's so redundant. Put things in cart. Remove them from cart. Put them back into the cart. Take them out of cart and put them in trunk.

Too much work.

Vanessa said...

Grocery Shopping is BAALLLLLSSS!

Amy said...

100 bucks at the grocery store? are they selling cocaine there now? what the heck are you buying? :)

Miss S. said...

I effing hate the store right now too. Mostly because it's too hot to cook and I have zero clue what to make anymore.

We're in the drought too (KC,MO) they said we need to start watering our foundations. =(

carla said...

I love you for myriad reasons and todays is we have the SAME IV DRIP :0


MizFit

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

I actually love grocery shopping because I like to see how much I can get for as little money as possible. I am NO where near the level of the extreme couponers, but I did ok yesterday. Two coupons just to shop in my grocery store this week saved me $17. Do you guys have a grocery service like Pea Pod? you shop online and it comes right to your door.

LDswims said...

I hate grocery shopping, too. Luckily, LHF loves it! He does it all! I suspect as the boys get older he'll take them with him and that means I'll get to take hour long skittle baths while LHF "works". He claims it's cathartic for him. I guess there are weirder things. Doing the dishes/cleaning the kitchen is cathartic for me. I LOVE doing the dishes. Crazy.

I'm with ya on the jobs thing, all the way through watching A Baby Story and eating cheetos. That was pretty much what I did on bedrest. Maybe not cheetos, then, I was seriously craving fruit and ate a ton of it. But I could watch A Baby Story all day long and I did!

I'm with ya on all this. Orange hair kids suck and I just can't imagine what his mom is going through.

We were in a drought here last year and it sucked. I hate water hours! Sucks to have a sprinkler system to get you through those times when nature tends to itself...and then be told you can't use it. They wouldn't even let us fill the pool. We did anyway. The city fine, if we'd been caught, was nowhere near as expensive as dealing with a pool that popped out of the ground due to not having enough water in it to hold the shell down...

Feel better, Chica. Love you.