I’ve decided to make a list about things that I think suck donkey balls right now in the hopes that writing them down will suddenly turn them into fun things that I will love to do instead.
• Grocery shopping. Seriously – doesn’t it just suck? I mean it costs sooo much to eat and I get nothing out of it. Well I get fat but other than that it’s not like it’s a pair of shoes I can wear. I leave the grocery store with one bag and the 15 year old bored as hell hates the world teenager behind the register says, “That’ll be $109.87.” WTF? For ONE bag? That’s what it feels like. And it takes too long.
• Something else that also sucks ginormous balls is the fact that I used to work out for at least an hour a day and I loved it and now I can’t seem to step foot near my workout clothes. I am justifying the fact that I no longer have time to work out like I used to by saying that I didn’t used to have 2 part time jobs. But between you and me – I still have time. Cripes.
• People who can’t do their jobs. OMG in heaven. I want to shank nearly everyone who has anything to do with my other 2 jobs right now. They are political/governmental so red tape is freaking everywhere and nothing is simple and I swear there’s a damn ordinance for how much we can pee in a day. I am having a reeeeallllyyyy hard time not grabbing everything from these people and yelling, “GIVE IT TO ME – I”LL DO IT MYSELF AND I’LL DO IT RIGHT!” you f*cking ninkompoops.
• Jobs in general. Yup – jobs in general are things that suck. Though I love all of mine – if given the choice – I’d do none of them. Like ever again. I’d stay home all day and watch reruns of A Baby Story and eat Cheetos until all my fingers were orange so I’d have a legitimate reason to take 16 Skittle baths a day.
• Asshole kids with orange hair and guns and ammo and a point to prove by taking other people’s lives. Yah – they suck bad. I can barely look at the guy on TV. He brings out a whole new level of angry that I haven’t felt since 9/11. I’m so sorry for the victims.
• Being the mom of that asshole kid with orange hair. Can you even imagine the horror she must feel?
• Droughts. They suck a lot. And where I live we’re in the middle of one. Seriously – there’s a fire ban in my town so you’re not even allowed to fart outside because it’ll start a wild fire. My flowers are dead, dead and deader. It’s so pretty. So glad I spent millions on all the landscaping.
• Non-busy hours at work so that all I sit and do is draw pretty pictures of rooms in my house remodeled. This is never good. Because the next normal step after drawing the new rooms is to call a contractor and get to making my drawings real. Which in turn sucks because it requires me to get a 4th, 5th and probably 6th job. Um, no thank you.
• Calories. Suck ass. A fat baby’s ass in fact. There are too damn many in everything I want to eat. But like spinach and broccoli have none. It’s wrong on so many levels.
Okay – that’s it…this isn’t making anything better. It’s probably just depressing you. I gotta go. My Mountain Dew IV drip just got clogged because I tried to mix it with crushed sweettarts. Turns out those suckers don’t mix well with others. Now what am I gonna do to wake the hell up?