Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Cowboy boots were made for hiding shanks.

You guys are never gonna believe this BUT on Friday night – I shocked the hell out of myself and Rambo. More than once.

Friends of ours called. I answered. (shock #1) It was 8pm. They were having pizza and a few beers and wanted us to stop over. I said NO WAY – it’s bedtime for our kids and Rambo has to get up at 4am.

After I hung up, I told Rambo who had called and why and then words came out of my mouth that I’ve never spoken before.

I said, “We should call them back and go for a bit.” (shock #2)

I think Rambo pissed his pants just then. He said, “What? You want to go? Like now?”

Yup. Sure. Let’s do it. It’ll only be an hour or so.

At that point I even picked up the phone and called them back and told them we’d stop in. Yes – me – phone-phobia-phreak – called someone back on purpose. (shock #3)

It’s only about 5 minutes away but after I got in the car and out of the driveway I may or may have said all or none of the below.

Wait – I don’t really want to do this.
Did I really say we should go out?
What if there are lots of people there?
What if it’s a full blown party?
I don’t think I can do this.
Why didn’t you tell me I was crazy for doing this?
Why would you let me do this?
I’m going to throw up in your car.
I’m getting hives.
OMG – are those multiple cars?
Holy shit – there must be 10 people here.
I don’t think I can get out of the car.
Why on Earth would I agree to this?
This is just plain batshit crazy.
I want to shank myself.

And then I walked into the party. And had fun. And didn’t die. And left an hour later.

You bet your sweet asses that on the way home I turned to Rambo and said, “Holy shitbuckets! Do you realize I just went somewhere sort of willingly and totally spontaneously??? Like with no notice whatsoever?”

He just looked at me, grabbed my hand as he drove and said, “I know. I’m so proud of you baby.”

Yah, I’m proud of me too. Literally – even just a year ago – such a thing never would have happened. I am making progress, my friends.

And get this? This weekend yours truly is going to do something I have NEVER done and it’s MAJORLY social (aka hive inducing).

I have to bartend at a wedding with 350 people. I am completely and totally unafraid to admit that I’m going to wear short fringed cut off jean shorts with a white tank and brown cowboy boots in an effort to distract mostly everyone from looking at my face and thinking I’ll talk to them.

The only thing that hopefully runs through their heads when they cozy up to the bar is “my God – she wore that in public at her age. I better grab my drink and RUN instead of staying and chatting.”

Seriously – can you say panic attack city? But it’s for a friend in a bind and Rambo will be there at the reception for a few hours so I can sneak “RESCUE ME” glances at him for a while. Here’s hoping I don’t cry like a 2 year old when he leaves about 9pm…and I’m on my own.

He keeps saying, “Don’t worry baby, you’ll know everyone there!”

Um duh – therein lies half the problem!!! UGH

I’m going to hide a shank in my cowboy boots….just in case. Please pray for me and my hives. They’ll probably be so big I’ll need to start naming them and feeding them.



Steph said...

Baby steps, hon. You're doing good and it will get easier. I didn't know you were a bartender. You're going to be workin' it and you won't NEED rescuing. I promise. You'll be fine!

Fit Mom said...

Progress!! So happy for you!! You will have fun doing bartending BECAUSE you know everyone there. You will do great. And I cant wait to hear about what a good time you had next week!

Shug in Boots said...

go head on wit it. my boots always make me feel powerful. :)

Cindy said...

and i've been doing the opposite, was invited to stay over for dinner twice and I said "ummm i just had some guacamole at home so I'm kinda full..."

how lame is THAT?

and I AM the social one in the relationship...


Brandy said...

Good luck! I feel you on the hives, I get them too, but mine are from when people touch me. Yes, i just admitted that outloud to a complete stranger. I am a complete wierdo!!!

Michelle said...

Shit Draz you may be me??? I dont answer the phone ...if anyone calls me after 8pm they best be reporting a death. I never ever ever ever ever do anything unplanned. I have a friend who does everything unplanned and we dont connect too much outside of work.

I'm impressed..and love that you stayed a full 60 minutes and probably were backi home and in bed by 11pm


adorkbl said...

Awesome job on beating the shit out of anxiety. Ding. One mor epoint in your corner. :)

Ronnie said...

That sounds so awesome! Progress is being had left and right. I'm so dang proud I just want to come in my cut offs and bartend with ya!

Julie Taylor said...

I'm loving this new Draz!!! It's NEVER too late to change your life! You are doing so good, we are all proud of you! :)

jennxaz said...

I am proud of you..not sure I could have done that----I get such social anxiety sometimes--look you had fun too!

LDswims said...

I am so proud of you. My only wish for you is to see yourself as the world sees you. I think it would give you a ton of peace. When you bartend in your cutoffs and tank tops, people will actually be thinking "I wish I could be as brave as her and just be myself like she is". So many people follow society's norms by dressing and behaving in a certain way when really that's not who they are. It takes courage to just be yourself.

I hope you have a blast - I'm glad Rambo will be there for the first part but I know you'll be fine after he leaves. I'll be sending warm fuzzy vibes your way all evening long!

RockBand Barbie said...

Great job! I love that Rambo...he always knows just waht to say :)

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

Good luck! I'm sure the event will give you TONS of material to write about. (Bring a notebook.)

MandaPanda said...

I'm proud of you too! You're making great progress