Thursday, September 27, 2012
TTT - Ten Things Thursday!
1. While perusing Amazon this week as I do almost daily, I found a pair of Skechers boots I wanted. The boots are about $60 usually but for some reason they showed up as $18.00. I clicked on them 50 bazillion times just to be sure I was seeing it correctly. Then I ordered them. $18.00 flat. Free shipping. In my office two days later. Isn’t that wicked fun?
2. I also bought sunglasses with skulls on the sides. I have a dark side that I can’t escape and I have an unhealthy love of skulls. I don’t quite understand it myself. I just feed the addiction.
3. I only entered this century not too long ago and started actually turning my cell phone on and even more recently started texting. My oldest daughter just got a laptop and an ipod this week and I swear to God if I hear “Mom – when are we getting wireless internet?” one more time, I will shank her. I mean wireless is old news – therefore – it’ll be at least another 5 years before I take part in that revolution. How can she not know that?
4. Speaking of wireless internet. You know the abbreviation everyone uses of WI-FI….pronounced with a long I sound like why-fye would be? Well – a friend’s daughter this week proceeded to walk up to one of the guys at a store they own and asked, “What is the WI-FI password?” Only she didn’t say it like why-fye. She said it like weee-feee….with a long E. And she seriously thought that was how you say it. I am here to tell you that she will never live that down as long as she lives. The amount of shit she takes for calling it wee-fee is immense. Poor thing.
5. This week since Rambo hasn’t been home for supper, I’ve been working on my Mother of the Year award and told my girls to have cereal for supper. Twice. And me? Well – yours truly – has re-picked-up her Doritoes addiction. They were my supper. Twice. Did I ever tell you that for EVERY single birthday and holiday, when I was a kid, my Godparents bought me a bag of Doritoes to go with whatever other gift they got me. I saved money – to buy more Doritoes. At one point, I was afraid I’d turn orange – cuz my fingers did. Then for a while I gave them up – and now – I have found them again. I remember why I loved them so much. No – I don’t wonder why I have a muffin top in case you were gonna ask. It’s not the Doritoes. I buy the calorie free ones.
6. Yesterday I wore navy blue pants and a white and navy polka-dotted shirt that I got from the Gap. A girl I work with walked into my office and said, “Hey, did you watch Priv....?” and then she stopped mid-word, stared at me and gasped in horror. Um yup – she had on navy pants and the exact same shirt. We looked like grown up women douche-waddles who called each other the night before to plan our outfits. Someone wanted to take a picture of us for the company newsletter. I said no. And promptly told this girl to stay away from me the rest of the day. Cuz she’s skinnier than me. And looks better in the shirt. So I hate her.
7. So far I have an episode of Castle, Sons of Anarchy, and Parenthood on my DVR – waiting to be watched when Rambo is finally home and has the time to sit down with me. It’s unacceptable. I am forced to read spoilers so that I know what happened since it could be months before Rambo sits down. I told him last night to please tell his farmer boss that he’ll need to get off early today because we have DVR’d shows that are waiting to be watched. Harvest must be delayed.
8. I could use some serious advice on how to get my child to WANT to go to school. Today I drove her to the sitter’s house and she was fine. Then I got a phone call saying she wouldn’t get dressed and she wouldn’t go to school. F*ck a duck and call it Larry. I asked to speak to her so I could threaten her properly. She wouldn’t talk. The sitter put me on speakerphone. I got her to agree to go. Five minutes later – no go. Now Watermelon is going to be late. Next I pull the “do you want me to have Daddy call you?” So I call Rambo in the semi and literally say, “Help me!” So Rambo calls her. Then calls his Dad to go get her and take her to school. Good ol’ military Grandpa picks her up and gets her to school. I can’t handle this. She keeps saying she’s scared and I seriously think she has some of my social anxiety. Hard getting there but fine once she is there. But she’s 6 people. What have I done?
9. Last night I did something that proves my undying love for Rambo. Since he hasn’t really been home long for the past few days, I decided to take a little pressure off of him and step up at home. I decided to clean the cat litter. I am not ashamed to say I’ve never done it before. Remember me? Hater of poop? Rambo knows this. Anyway, I went downstairs. First it took me forever to figure out how to get the damn top off. Christ. And then came the gagging and coughing and holding my breath until I nearly passed out. But I did it. I carried that bag of cat poop upstairs and outside like it was the severed head of Satan and I had severed it myself. I am waiting for Rambo to notice. I want to make sure he knows of my immense love for him.
10. I just saw a picture of Hillary Clinton. Political leanings aside – I like her. As a woman she’s admirable and I think she knows her shit and personally – well – come on…that woman has been through it all with slick Willy. She makes her choices and doesn’t apologize and stands behind them. Other than that, I really just want to say one thing about Hillary. She needs bangs. Or a smaller forehead. Or a new stylist. There’s no reason for her to look like she’s 80 and hasn’t slept in decades. Then again – she’s probably pretty tired from keeping track of her hubby. Maybe she hasn’t slept in decades. Poor dear.
Posted by the gumdrop farting Skittle bathing ♥ Drazil ♥ at 11:18 AM