Thursday, September 27, 2012

TTT - Ten Things Thursday!

1. While perusing Amazon this week as I do almost daily, I found a pair of Skechers boots I wanted. The boots are about $60 usually but for some reason they showed up as $18.00. I clicked on them 50 bazillion times just to be sure I was seeing it correctly. Then I ordered them. $18.00 flat. Free shipping. In my office two days later. Isn’t that wicked fun?

2. I also bought sunglasses with skulls on the sides. I have a dark side that I can’t escape and I have an unhealthy love of skulls. I don’t quite understand it myself. I just feed the addiction.

3. I only entered this century not too long ago and started actually turning my cell phone on and even more recently started texting. My oldest daughter just got a laptop and an ipod this week and I swear to God if I hear “Mom – when are we getting wireless internet?” one more time, I will shank her. I mean wireless is old news – therefore – it’ll be at least another 5 years before I take part in that revolution. How can she not know that?

4. Speaking of wireless internet. You know the abbreviation everyone uses of WI-FI….pronounced with a long I sound like why-fye would be? Well – a friend’s daughter this week proceeded to walk up to one of the guys at a store they own and asked, “What is the WI-FI password?” Only she didn’t say it like why-fye. She said it like weee-feee….with a long E. And she seriously thought that was how you say it. I am here to tell you that she will never live that down as long as she lives. The amount of shit she takes for calling it wee-fee is immense. Poor thing.

5. This week since Rambo hasn’t been home for supper, I’ve been working on my Mother of the Year award and told my girls to have cereal for supper. Twice. And me? Well – yours truly – has re-picked-up her Doritoes addiction. They were my supper. Twice. Did I ever tell you that for EVERY single birthday and holiday, when I was a kid, my Godparents bought me a bag of Doritoes to go with whatever other gift they got me. I saved money – to buy more Doritoes. At one point, I was afraid I’d turn orange – cuz my fingers did. Then for a while I gave them up – and now – I have found them again. I remember why I loved them so much. No – I don’t wonder why I have a muffin top in case you were gonna ask. It’s not the Doritoes. I buy the calorie free ones.

6. Yesterday I wore navy blue pants and a white and navy polka-dotted shirt that I got from the Gap. A girl I work with walked into my office and said, “Hey, did you watch Priv....?” and then she stopped mid-word, stared at me and gasped in horror. Um yup – she had on navy pants and the exact same shirt. We looked like grown up women douche-waddles who called each other the night before to plan our outfits. Someone wanted to take a picture of us for the company newsletter. I said no. And promptly told this girl to stay away from me the rest of the day. Cuz she’s skinnier than me. And looks better in the shirt. So I hate her.

7. So far I have an episode of Castle, Sons of Anarchy, and Parenthood on my DVR – waiting to be watched when Rambo is finally home and has the time to sit down with me. It’s unacceptable. I am forced to read spoilers so that I know what happened since it could be months before Rambo sits down. I told him last night to please tell his farmer boss that he’ll need to get off early today because we have DVR’d shows that are waiting to be watched. Harvest must be delayed.

8. I could use some serious advice on how to get my child to WANT to go to school. Today I drove her to the sitter’s house and she was fine. Then I got a phone call saying she wouldn’t get dressed and she wouldn’t go to school. F*ck a duck and call it Larry. I asked to speak to her so I could threaten her properly. She wouldn’t talk. The sitter put me on speakerphone. I got her to agree to go. Five minutes later – no go. Now Watermelon is going to be late. Next I pull the “do you want me to have Daddy call you?” So I call Rambo in the semi and literally say, “Help me!” So Rambo calls her. Then calls his Dad to go get her and take her to school. Good ol’ military Grandpa picks her up and gets her to school. I can’t handle this. She keeps saying she’s scared and I seriously think she has some of my social anxiety. Hard getting there but fine once she is there. But she’s 6 people. What have I done?

9. Last night I did something that proves my undying love for Rambo. Since he hasn’t really been home long for the past few days, I decided to take a little pressure off of him and step up at home. I decided to clean the cat litter. I am not ashamed to say I’ve never done it before. Remember me? Hater of poop? Rambo knows this. Anyway, I went downstairs. First it took me forever to figure out how to get the damn top off. Christ. And then came the gagging and coughing and holding my breath until I nearly passed out. But I did it. I carried that bag of cat poop upstairs and outside like it was the severed head of Satan and I had severed it myself. I am waiting for Rambo to notice. I want to make sure he knows of my immense love for him.

10. I just saw a picture of Hillary Clinton. Political leanings aside – I like her. As a woman she’s admirable and I think she knows her shit and personally – well – come on…that woman has been through it all with slick Willy. She makes her choices and doesn’t apologize and stands behind them. Other than that, I really just want to say one thing about Hillary. She needs bangs. Or a smaller forehead. Or a new stylist. There’s no reason for her to look like she’s 80 and hasn’t slept in decades. Then again – she’s probably pretty tired from keeping track of her hubby. Maybe she hasn’t slept in decades. Poor dear.


angel shrout said...

I am a cool ranch Doritos girl myself. When my kids were younger on their birthday my mom would give them HUGE black garbage bags filled with their favorite foods, like boxes of mac and cheese, raviolis, vienna sausages you get the drift. It was started as a joke for one and he LOVED it, better than anything else he got. One would have thought we starved him. It became a tradition for about 5 years.

BEE said...

love your blog...and doritos too lol

The Dandy Bandy said...

ummm... y u no post link to boots?!?!? I'm I crazy for immediately going to amazon and searching for "sketchers boots" like I'm going to find them? lol
I'm NOT jealous of you... if my hubby was gone like that I would have a nervous realz

FitBy40 said...

EVERY time I see a picture of Hillary I make some comment about how she needs to hire a stylist! She looks horrible! Good Lord, she has enough money to have a valet follow her around all day and she looks like butt!
MY daughter has anxiety too. It's a daily struggle. She's 7.

Laura Belle said...

Ahh my little sunflower is growing up and cleaning poop. Im so proud of you!!! Seriously tho, thats why i have a dog. They do their business outside. Btw, i hate u a little for the $18 boots. Just a little.

PUT THE CHIPS DOWN! Down. All the way. In the trash. DO IT! or i will b forced to kick your ass. Well wait i cant do that i love u toooooo much.
i am missing u already!

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

I clean up the turds in the yard (did you know I have a 90 pound Boxer?Great Dane?) when we're going to have company. Other than that, they're fertilizer. And I AM Googling the boots, damn it!

Terrie said...

OMG I am cracking up.

I was like that too when I was a kid. Hard to explain, just some really strange seperation anxiety I had. I even had my grandmother bringing me lunch until I was probably in 7th grade to bribe me. I can still remember sitting in her maxi-van eating long john silvers.

No one rocks a pantsuit like Hillary.

o.c. bandster said...

Well well...lookiie who just dealt with poop...all for love of course.

Sorry to hear about banana....I always loved I am a teacher & still love going to school. Give her a big hug.

Harmony said...

Yay for the boots and all, but I too have a love for skulls and want to see the shades.

That whole school thing is making so sad. Is there something going on there that is making her scared? Do I need to beat a bully's ass? I swear having kids is like seeing your heart walking around outside of your body.

tz said...

cleaning cat litter....I'm not sure you can show love any better than that.

Now that you are joining this century with your cell phone, you could take a picture of the evidence of your love and send it to him....

BANGS...great idea. I need a stylist too though -- I've been trying to decide what to do with my hair so long that it's gray and a couple inches past my shoulders.

Kelly said...

I still can't talk about Sons of Anarchy. And you know how I feel about Cool Ranch Doritos - can't have them in my house.

terbear287 said...

Draz, I have had to deal with a similar issue with my daughter. It started clear back in preschool and has slowly gotten better. My girl would actually cry until she made herself sick. We would talk about her concerns and what made her sad, it basically boiled down to "I want you". She just wanted to be with me and for obvious reasons I couldn't make that happen. In preschool she kept a picture of me, over time she has realized that she has her job, go to school, the same way I have my job. We will both be back together later. She still has days (most often Monday morning) when she has a belly ache and I can look in her face and know it is anxiety. I ask her if she can please try and go to school and if she is still sick I will go get her. I guess what I am saying is just be patient as anxiety burdened woman at least we have the compassion to understand what is wrong and can help them know that sometimes you have to just get out of bed and do what has to be done even though we would rather bury our head under the covers and watch bad day time tv.