Monday, October 1, 2012

The "Dammit. I missed church." Monday Edition.

I accidentally slept until noon on Sunday and missed church.


Had my large butt been in a pew and my small mind also been in attendance…my prayers would have went something like this:

Dear God…when my mom finds out that I didn’t sign my kids up for religious education classes, please let her screams of horror not wake the dead. Help her to understand it’s my choice and they’re my kids. Please don’t let her be disappointed in me.

Thank you God…for Banana getting on the bus to school tear-free at least one day last week. That whole “go to school or mommy and daddy will go to jail” thing must have worked. Thank you for not striking me down with lightening for using such extreme measures.

Thank you God…for giving Rambo an unexpected day off that was pure paradise. Just thank you. Now I remember what he looks like. He’s pretty cute, don’t you think?

Please God…kill all the box elder bugs in Podunk. I know they are all your creatures but damn – they’re annoying as Satan. You feel me? I mean they cover our doors and windows and they fly around like they own the place. Ack.

Please God…when Banana starts sobbing uncontrollably about going to school all of next week – give me the patience of St. Peter or even Mary if you want. Help me not to smack her. Or pass out in frustration. Or sell her to the highest bidder. I really do love her. I swear.

Thank you God…for old friends who Rambo and I haven’t seen in months but can sit down and talk to in a restaurant for more than 4 hours with. Those kind of people make life okay.

Dear God...please help me in my quest to pretend that M&Ms are poisonous so that I don’t eat 8 bags of them next week.

Praise Jesus…for our high school football team that scored 55 points to the other team’s 0 BEFORE half-time. By beating the other team so badly, we didn’t feel bad leaving early to go eat pizza.

Dear God…please forgive me…for being so human sometimes. I try to be more like your son Jesus every day but sometimes I really suck at it. I felt more like Satan’s cousin most of this last week but I swear next week, I’ll be better. Please don’t give up on me.

Dear God…keep my friends and family safe, happy and healthy one more week. And I swear that I’ll try to make it to church next Sunday. Pinky promise. Oh and PS…you rock!

11 comments:

Sarah said...

Oooh, poor you and Banana. I have a little girl we have to peel off Mum most days. Makes all the grown up's days rubbish but luckily most kids are fine 15 minutes later. xx

Miss S. said...

So glad Rambo finally got a day off. You are some hard working people.

Those bugs are effing obnoxious. They cover the front of my house too. Secondly did you know calling them box elder bugs is very regional? In western KS where I am from that's what we call them. In KC where I live people call them pill bugs. Weird.

jennxaz said...

no, not tears all week before school...you deserve a medal..that would just break my heart and make me think of home--schooling...no wait..that thought is gone..had to chase it away!

angel shrout said...

I am so glad none of mine ever did that crying thing. I would have gone crazy. Sweetie we all try to be like Jesus but even he had anger enough to whip people out of the temple and turn over tables.. just sayin'

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

Being a mom is such a tough job but you are certainly doing it well! Glad you had such a nice day with Rambo!

twenty kilos to go said...

I used to drop my niece to preschool and she used to do the same thing. It killed me. One day, the preschool teacher bent down to tell her it was ok and my niece belted her across the face. I ended up asking a bigger kid to walk her in for me and then she was an angel!!! But I still wanted to strangle her!!!

Carla Birnberg said...

xoxoxoxo and a few smatterings of big ass hugs.



Miz.

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

I get to church mostly every week, but I failed to re-sign my kids up for CCD several years ago, so they didn't make their confirmation. I'm a bad Catholic.

MandaPanda said...

Count me ammongst the bad catholics. My kids are baptized but we don't go to church and they're not in ccd. Ugh.

LDswims said...

So glad y'all had a whole day together. I really don't know how y'all do it all and still find time for the most important aspect of your lives - family!

I would love to be able to sleep til noon nowadays. I'm incredibly fortunate that on weekends, LHF gets up with them one day and I get up with them the other day. We both get a chance to sleep in. But it's not the same when we can't be cuddled up together welcoming in a lazy Sunday.

I hope your mom isn't disappointed, either. It really is your choice and I know you are teaching religious education well. It comes through in how awesome your girls are.

Please God, when you finish wiping out those box elder bugs/pill bugs, knock out the mosquitoes too, please.

Kelly said...

I'm already at Satan's door. Will I see you there? ;-)