Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Tuesday Tidbits!!!

I hate cute pregnant people (and all cute people in general). Wait, wait…let me rephrase that since it seemed a little harsh. I’m pissed that back when I was pregnant there were NO cute clothes or maxi dresses and that I swelled up like a heifer on sterroids and my face and ass cheeks were the size of watermelons – which therefore meant there were no amazingly cute pictures of me swelled up like a balloon with cute ribbons tied around my enormous stomach. I’m jealous of cute pregnant people who still look and walk and appear as normal women with ankles and facial bones. Therefore, I hate. It’s not personal. Just jealousy.

My office is being redecorated and rearranged because it’s how I deal with losing my assistant. I am wiping away any evidence that she ever existed in my room so I don’t have to think about losing her. Denial much?

Therefore, my walls are being painted a deep grayish blue and cabinets have been taken down and removed and things have been rearranged. For décor, I wanted one of those big wall stickers since I have a huge accent wall in my office that will be blank. I tried to find a sticker that said, “Enter all of you who are bringing me shoes, purses or diamonds. The rest of you? Don’t bother. Mkay?” BUT when I asked my HR Director about what she thought of it she said, “Hmm…it doesn’t seem very professional.” Whatever. I wasn’t going for professional. Duh. Back to square one. I suppose I’ll be like everyone else and get some dumb generic motivational posters and shelves for my awards. BORE. ING.

Every year at football time, a girl I work with has me make huge posters for each game her son’s team plays against. Like – “Beat the Braves” or “Fight the Falcons” or “Tame the Lions”. Big ol’ pieces of posterboard and a big ol’ bag of huge Sharpie markers and once a week I sit in front of the TV and draw and color. It’s cathartic. And fun because I get posterboard for my girls too and they sit and draw with me. They love it. It’s like kindergarten for old people. With Doritoes. Kinda like paradise.

This weekend I taught Watermelon how to play a card game my Gma taught me. Every time I saw my Gma before she got sick, we played this card game. My brothers hated it because it’s a pretty serious mind game with strategy and numbers. I couldn’t get enough of it. I taught it to Watermelon and caught myself saying things like, “Grandma would do this when she played” or “Grandma always said this when that card turned up” or whatever. She’d be proud that I’m teaching my daughter the game. God, how I miss her. God, how I loathe cancer.

Rambo and I have been watching a TV marathon of the series “Scandal”. I just blew up that idea for most of you that think I’m a workaholic, didn’t I? I got home from work last night. Took off my work clothes and put on one of Rambo’s shirts and big poofy socks and set up my table so I could work on my football poster and I never moved for 3.5 hours. I mean I suppose it wasn’t all lazy. I was completing a poster. I took multiple phone calls. I ate supper in that spot. Once I got up to pee. Did I mention there were Doritoes involved? I blame it on the show. It is seriously thebomb.com. Completely uh-dick-ting.

It is November 13th and I have already helped put up a 7 foot Cmas tree. No – it’s not at my house. It’s at my mom’s because she hosts a family Cmas every year the day after Thanksgiving. Because I have been listening to Cmas music for a week or two and have already put up a tree and am considering watching Cmas Vacation tonight – I have decided it’s time to put up a tree in MY home. I plan to do that this weekend while Rambo is off slaying deer in the woods while blaring White Cmas on the stereo. The tree I’m putting up is green and flocked and will only hold handmade ornaments made by Rambo’s mom.

Speaking of Cmas trees…guess what I just ordered? Give up? A BLACK Cmas tree! Yup – I said BLACK. OMG – I’m dying for it to come!!! I’m going to do all the decorations one color – like all pink or purple or whatever. I even found and bought lights with BLACK cord so they blend in. Rambo is so excited when normally he’s a full-blown Cmas Scrooge. The BLACK tree speaks to our dark sides…and the colors on it will be awesome and so unique. Can’t wait to show you a picture.

While I was Cmas tree shopping, I saw something shiny and got distracted and found a watermelon and a banana charm for my charm bracelet. Aren’t they presh? And now they are mine.

After I found these, then I found the Juicy Couture brand of charms. Of course – now I want these. Because they are Juicy brand – they are 50x more expensive than they should be but honestly – isn’t the white skull to die for? Love, love, love.

That's all I got for Tuesday Tidbits!!!


Laura Belle said...

Holy shit!!! Scandel is like my crackjuice. Seriously. I freaking love that show. And this season is beyond ridiculously fantastic!!

And now I want to color posterboard.

With doritos.

Dang it all.

FitBy40 said...

I was a big ole heifer from head to toe when I was pregnant so none of those maternity things fit me either. In fact, I continued to be a heifer for a long time after I had the babies as well. That's not cute either.

I find myself teaching the girls stuff that my Mom taught me, and thinking about how much I hate cancer too. It sucks. At least we have the fond memories to keep forever!

Michelle said...

I love Scandal and Revenge! I watch them just like that sitting on my ass for a good 2 hrs!

jennxaz said...

I hate cute preggos and those people that say they loved being preggo...that was not me...I was not pretty. and that scull charm...to die for!

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

I had pregnancy-induced hypertension when I was pregnant with both kids. That means you have to watch your kidneys don't shut down by collecting your pee for 24 hours while storing it in the fridge. It also means that your body basically retains every drop of fluid you ingest, causing cankles, the disappearance of any bone structure I may have had (not much being obese already) and a nose that spreads from ear to ear. I was "glowing" (probably yellow).

angel shrout said...

With the birth of my first grandchild the absence of my mother has been all the more evident for me the last few weeks. Last year at this time she was planning for the Thanksgiving dinner, had I known it would be her last I would have spent every minute over there with her.. The charms are too adorable. I have never watched Scandal. I am going to have 3 trees, one of them is my mothers. I have never taken it down from last year, it was the last thing we did in her house for her the day before she went to the hospital and never came back. Taking it down just wasn't an option. So it will be moved from her house behind me to my house this weekend hopefully, complete with ornaments and lights.

Fit Mom said...

Love the sugar skull and the charms. I am in the Christmas mood too. Got the outside stuff up when we had a 65 degree day last weekend. I have resisted the urge to turn them on yet.

RockBand Barbie said...

My grandmother taught me how to play Rook when I was 5. She would take me with her to the Sr. Citizens Center on Friday nights to be her Rook partner...we hustled those little old ladies. They thought it was all sweet and cute that a 5 year old was pretending to play Rook...until we laid the smackdown on 'em. Then they didn't thing it was cute. Love those memories!

Ducky said...

I like painting and cleaning...its therapy for me. You're in good company. Thank goodness I was NOT one of those cute pregnant people. My face looked just as pregnant as my belly and ass.

Carla Birnberg said...




Harmony said...

Tell me about the card game!