Banana is OBSESSED with stuffed animals. For the last THREE years – if you ask her what she wants from Santa – her answer has been the same. She says, “100 stuffed animals”. That’s it. That’s ALL she wants. She never waivers.
I tell you this so you can try to keep that obsession in mind as I tell you how my little Banana is a thief and a liar.
Banana went to a birthday party at the neighbor’s house for her friend we'll call K. She came home the next day and said, “Mom – look what I won at the birthday party!! It’s a puppy with its very own carrying bag and leash!! I decorated the bag myself.”
She was soooo happy and played with that puppy all of Saturday and all of Sunday. She named it. Slept with it – and cried when I told her she couldn’t put it in the bath with her.
Enter Sunday afternoon. She goes to the neighbor’s house to ask K if she wants to come out and play.
Next I see Banana running into our house. About 10 feet behind is K running into our house behind Banana.
30 seconds later I see K running back over to her own house with something in her arms.
Then I begin to hear Banana sobbing inside the house.
Yup. K came over and took the puppy back. The puppy Banana has named Abby.
Banana is inconsolable. She says K just said it was hers and took it out of her arms and went home with it.
Oh the crying. And sobbing. It never ended. Over the next few hours she’d randomly just start crying “for Abby”.
Dramatic much? Christ.
My first reaction was to go over to K’s house and punch her in the face. Oh calm down – I wasn’t really going to punch an 8 year old in the face. I was just going to imagine it in my mind.
During this debacle, Rambo and Watermelon are sitting up on the roof putting up Cmas lights. They both saw the kids running back and forth and heard the crying but didn’t know what caused it. I explained to them that K had come and taken “Abby” the puppy and that Banana was heartbroken by it.
I asked Banana all the questions like “Are you sure it was yours? Are you sure you won it? Did she say why she took it back? Does her mom know she came and got it?”
A sobbing 7 year old never has very good answers though. She just wants to shank K. As do I if we’re being honest.
Rambo – being the rational adult in our relationship – says, “There has to be more to the story than this.”
Watermelon – being the 12 year old whose little sister was just hurt – says, “Mom – are you going over there to get it back? If you don’t – I will. She loved that puppy.”
I heard Rambo up on the roof tell Watermelon over and over – “You can’t go over there. We don’t know everything that happened.”
Dagger. In. My. Heart.
I consoled Banana by giving her some new stuffed animals that are usually kept high on a shelf and she seemed better. But it wasn’t the same. None of them were Abby. Losing Abby was like losing her left arm. It was that bad, people.
I was going to chalk this up to a life lesson. Something like “sometimes life sucks – get over it and move on” or “other people’s kids suck” or something like that….but I couldn’t do it. In my moment of trying to make the tears stopped – I made a promise I had no idea if I could keep. I told her that “I’d get her another Abby.”
After work the next day I went through every aisle in the toy and craft section of our local store – praying this is where I’d find another Abby.
NO ABBY! I found two other puppies and sent her pictures of them to see which one she liked. She picked one out and I brought it home for her.
Her smile came back. Mom was a hero. K was still the devil.
All was right with the world. Until Banana would remember Abby. What the holy hell? Any other stuffed animal would only hold her attention for 8 hours – but this Abby – has some pull on her. I guess it was the trauma of having Abby ripped from her loving arms. Geez.
So I swallow my pride and I text K’s mom. I say, “Do you know where K got that puppy in the bag? Banana really wants one and I want to get her one for Cmas.”
Then the shocker came.
K’s mom replies and says, “The tag said Target. Emily gave it to K as her bday present at the party.”
I replied, “Thanks. I’m sorry that Banana had it.” I should have said, “I’M SORRY I’M RAISING A FELON.”
Ladeefreakingdah. My kid is a thief and a liar. Horse balls. What now? This stuffed animal obsession is like an addiction now. She can't resist them. Even when they belong to someone else.
At supper later, I say to Banana…..”Um, K’s mom said that Abby the puppy was given to K by another girl at the party as a birthday gift so I don’t think you won it.”
And Banana’s response????
OH?????????????? I almost shanked an 8 year old for you!!!! I wandered around a store like a mom on meth looking for a score hunting down another Abby.
And Rambo – being the helpful parent – looks at me and says, “I told you there was more to the story.”
Motherf*ckers. Every last one of them.
I ate my supper and never said another word. Yes – I know that I should make Banana go apologize or something. But part of me thinks there’s “still” more to the story. Like did K tell Banana she could have it to play with? What really went down?
(Yes – I’m aware I’m in denial that my child may be and probably is a genuine thief and liar.)
You know what the worst part is?
My ass is going to Target. To get another Abby for her for Cmas. I made a promise dammit. And though my kid is a liar………..I am not.
Have I ever mentioned parenting is hard? And that I HATE it when Rambo is right??
God help me!!!!!!!