Monday, December 3, 2012

Letters to Santa from Draz and Sheniqua.

Most people stop making Cmas lists and writing letters to Santa when they are about 12-ish I think.
Not I. Or Draz or Sheniqua.  Nope.

Me, Drazil and Sheniqua still make lists and write letters even though we are older than dirt.
Feast your eyes on these babies.

Drazil’s letter:

‘Ello Santa Baby,

I hope deez letter finds you as plump and round and jolly as my chubby friend, Sheniqua. Der eez only one sing I vant from you theez holiday season. I need a leezard friend. Of the female persuazeeeion. As “Me” gets older and learns more about herself, she rarely leestens to me anymore. Eez very fruzztrating. Pleeeze, St. Nick. Take peety on me and send me a leetle blue hooker leezard with double D’s and some junk in her trunk. I will name her Zelda. And I will love you forever.

Or just send me Rudolph. I’m not picky. I’ll make eet work.

PS – I think your suit would look would look much better blue. Yezz?



Sheniqua’s list:

1-new needles for my Mountain Dew IV (like I always say - safety first, health second!)

2-Twinkies. I don’t care if they are no longer made. You’re Santa. Work your magic.

3-Tights that don’t roll down into my vagina after I’ve pulled them up to my titties for the 50th time. As those suckers roll down, I swear to you they are like a boa constrictor. The roll gets tighter and tighter as it goes down. It’s annoying as HELL. Am I supposed to wear suspenders to keep my tights from rolling down and cutting off my circulation? Fix this, Santa. STAT

4-A year’s supply of Skittles. For clarification purposes - that would equal enough to EAT and enough to BATHE in. Just so we’re clear.

5-Lastly, I have more of a service request than a present request. Could you run on over to the heifers folks at Weight Watchers and punch them in the face and tell them to stop sending me emails telling me I “need” to re-join? It hurts my feelings, Santa. And I have me some BIG feelings, you know?

PS – I’m sorry I ate every cookie that Me set out for you last year. The Grinch made me do it. Did you know him and Draz are best friends (you were right to put him on the naughty list)?

Goodnight my dahling,

Stay tuned for MY list.....


Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

My never employed 33 year old b-i-l makes a list with a star system. I want to shank him in the eye (like Governor got it in Walking Dead last night) every time I see him.

Kelly said...

Still laughing at the Twinkies part. Hehe.

Fit Mom said...

love it.