Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 Life and Blog Recap!

I wasn't going to do a recap of 2012, but I have no life and nothing else to write about  I want to be like all the other cool bloggers so I'm doing one.  Lucky you.

In January, I was taught that swearing was toxic and that farting was to be called "pressuring".  Remember that?  Jesus balls.

I also decided to go gluten-free for 30 days to see if it would stop my migraines.  It didn't work.  But to be fair - I now know that I should have done it way longer than 30 days.  My bad.

I pissed off about 50% of my followers by confessing that I'm not a fan of twatting or Pinterest.  I stand behind my feelings on both of these one year later.  I'm stubborn that way.

In February, I wrote a little ditty about what I would do if I were President just because I saw a bunch of other bloggers doing it and I'm a follower - not a leader.

I contemplated about whose bed was the sex bed this month too and it was one of my most viewed posts.  I learned that if you put the word "sex" in your title - lots of people read it.  Little tip from me to you. 

March rolled around and I decided that I hate other people's kids.  Again - I stand by that feeling.  I'm pretty sure this is never going to change. 

Just as the word "sex" will garner you massive amounts of readers - so will the word "vagina" apparently.  By far - thee most read post I did in 2012 was the one with the words "vagina botox" in it.  Jesus.  When people say sex sells, they ain't kidding.

By this time, it was summer.  Rambo and I spent a shitload of time on the Harley.  We went on a lot of solo rides and lots of rides with our "club".  I have the leather hoochie mama vest to prove my "membership".  I got a new arm tattoo.  We saw lots of fireworks as a family and basically just enjoyed the summer.

I opened up Drazzie's Closet this year too.  I've sold lots of things to lots of people so I can buy more things I don't need. I became a full-blown Coach whore and bought way, way, way too many new pairs of boots!

Banana turned 7 this year and Watermelon turned 12.  Rambo turned the big 40 and I turned 25 again.

Rambo continued driving semi and was elected Mayor of Podunk this year too!  He has almost 15 years in at the prison and I have almost 15 years in at my full time job and continue working 2 part-time jobs for the village we live in.  We are buh-izzy but we love it!

Speaking of working for the villages, do you remember the lovely board meeting gone bad that I wrote about?  Ugh.  The things I do for my community.  They should pay me more.

All throughout the year - I was named Mother of the Year over and over.  I can't help it.  I'm just that good terrible.  Yes.  I have begun saving for the therapist bills my children will no doubt have due to the scarring I've caused.  Eesh.  That's not to say that there weren't incredibly touching moments as a mother....all that I will always be glad I have documented here.

Towards the end of the year, I couldn't help myself and got political.  It's in my blood.  I can't help it.

Rambo finished the year with a new tattoo on his forearm of a pinup girl.  She has dark hair like me and my tattoo on her arm and she's holding a cupcake (my nickname) in one hand and handcuffs in the other.  She has the big boobs Rambo still wishes I had. 

I got to see my two brothers who I haven't seen in forever during Cmas this year.  I even made it through the whole year without shanking anyone.  I did NOT lose the 15 pounds I planned on losing about 80 times. 

I cemented some friendships and lost others.  I laughed a lot more than I cried.  I felt some types of pain that I never want to feel ever againPhysical and mental.

There are multitudes of things I still need to learn and deal with in 2013...and I will. 

I, of course, talked way too much about sex, poop, puke, vaginas, penises and hives.  And I swore way, way, way too much.

I am more me than I have ever been and the new year promises to be one of great success and joy.

Pieces of me were lost in 2012 - yet here I am - still whole.

I am excited about 2013.  Are you???

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Bring on the new year!

Did you think I died? Did you hope maybe I did? LOL
Be not afraid – I’m alive!! And back to update you on my ultra exciting life!

Christmas is over! Thank God if you ask me. I crave routine and normalcy and Christmas is all about weird routines and weird places and let’s face it – weird people – that you have to pretend you like.
My social anxiety goes into overdrive!

Despite the hives, we had a great Cmas and my kids got more presents than one person needs in a lifetime.

Rambo had texted me the week before Cmas and just said, “Hey – what size bra do you wear?”

OH SHIT was my first reaction. Then I started begging him NOT to buy me a bra.

He did it anyway. He got creative and looked at a bra in the laundry basket for a size. He got me a beautiful mint green rhinestone encrusted bra and matching thongs from Victoria Secret. Gorgeous and it fits. He got me a PINK yoga pants set and some perfume from the ‘ol VS too.

We, of course, attended church and one of my kids, of course, turned three shades of white during the mass and ended up throwing up in the church bathroom. I mean really – what’s Cmas mass without someone throwing up in the middle of it?

I watched White Christmas and Elf and Christmas Vacation too many times to count. I didn’t even gain weight….because I’ve had the flu for almost a week. I didn’t have the “in bed wanting to die” flu…but just generally don’t feel great and am nauseous so YAY for me – I didn’t gain the normal 10 lbs in 2 days like I usually do.

I saw my brother for the first time in 2 years for about 5 hours. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

I played Christmas Bingo and liked it.

I worked every day of my 7 days off just to forget how much I missed Rambo. I have four more days off coming up and I’m not exactly sure what I’ll be doing those four days.

Oh wait – yes I do! I’m dying to take down my Cmas decorations and get our life back to normal.
Normal is good for crazy people like me.

Rambo has to work every day so we won’t celebrate New Year’s Eve or Day. I’m a little nervous about him working that holiday because the inmates have been acting up lately. Holidays are tough in prison. When the inmates get no mail and no visitors – they finally realize they are all alone – even on Christmas. And then they lash out at the guards. I just found out that a woman guard was assaulted on Cmas Eve. Rambo will tell me the details tonight…but I’m not sure I actually want to hear them.

That’s pretty much it. Wasn’t that knock-your-socks-off exciting???

Back to work for me. I’m sitting in my office with the tree lights on and Cmas music blaring. It’s just me and another girl in the front office today and that’s how I like it. I have no problem working the holidays so other people can be with their families. Rambo and I will email each other all day about how winning the lottery would fix everything.

I’d never leave his arms. Well, except to go out to buy shoes. Duh.

Bring on the new year!!!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

For the Sandy Hook angels....



On Tuesday, December 18th, there will be a blogger day of silence. We will post the button and that's it. Please try to not post anything else that day if possible.

We are also raising money that will go to an organization in the memory of this tragedy. The organization is called The Newtown Family Youth and Family Services.

Here is the official description of the support service we are donating to:

"Newtown Youth and Family Services, Inc. is a licensed, non-profit, mental health clinic
and youth services bureau dedicated to helping children and families achieve their
highest potential. NYFS provides programs, services, activities, counseling, support
groups and education throughout the Greater Newtown area.

ANY DONATIONS MADE TO NEWTOWN YOUTH AND FAMILY SERVICES WILL BE DONATED DIRECTLY TO THOSE EFFECTED BY THE SANDY HOOK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SHOOTING."


Please visit THIS PAGE to make your donation.

We can't imagine how they must be feeling, especially this close to the holidays. We would love for you to spread the word on your own blog, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Let's make a difference and use blogging in a positive way.

Thank you in advance for participating.

Love,

The Blog World

p.s. If you would like to, copy-paste and repost any part of this, please do. Share on.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Ten Things Thursday!!!


1 Did I ever tell you that on Christmas morning, my mother used to give us each a “wall” and we’d wake up and go downstairs and there’d be our stuff from “Santa” – displayed and set out – but never wrapped. Just covered with a big blanket on our designated walls. She always said, “Santa does not wrap presents. He’s too busy for that.” What she meant was she hated wrapping presents and she didn’t have time and it would take her years. LOL We just ripped off the blanket and stood and stared. Plus – no cleanup!


2 Rambo works almost every holiday and it takes a full 6 years before it comes around that he has Cmas Eve or Cmas off. This year he has Cmas day off. Then it’ll be another 6 years before that happens again. It’s kind of not fun. I always wrap and set out the gifts myself because he’s gone and I always get pissed at the world for it. LOL Not this year though. He’ll do the cookies and milk thing and set out the gifts with me and wake up in the morning with us and it’ll be amazeballs. I simply cannot wait.

3 Watermelon’s birthday party is tomorrow night. She picked a zebra + cheetah + pink theme. Um – can you say “hurts my eyes to look at?” 7 little 12 year olds for hours on end. They all want Cmas nails done so my sister and I will be doing artwork on tiny little nails all night. I’ll try to take pictures… I’ll also try not to go insane while I also try not to watch the clock.

4 Do any of you have a Christmas Village with the houses and people and stuff? I do…have for a while now. Some years I put it out – some years I don’t. I did this year. It covers the whole fireplace and takes a bit of time but it’s pretty and Rambo bought me each piece. The problem with this is that just last night we went looking around in the Cmas section and Rambo and I discovered that they make Christmas Villages of WHOVILLE. Like as in the Grinch and the Who’s and CindyLouWho and the dog with one horn and the houses are pink and orange. To. Die. For. Dammit.

5 Banana was the Star of the Week in first grade this week. That meant we had to make her a poster and Rambo and I had to write her letters that the teacher read to her in class. And on Thursday she got to pick anyone in her life to come into school and have lunch with her. Guess who she picked? Watermelon. And Watermelon got a pass to get out of school to do it when she could have said no. I cannot imagine ever ever ever having my parents write me “love” letters at that age to be read in public much less asking a sibling to eat with me and them accepting. Things are so different for my girls. Thank God in heaven for that.

6 I’m so late with Cmas cards this year but they are done, done, done. I make my own by doing a summary of each month of the year for our family and putting in pictures where I can. It takes a lot of time but it’s so fun to do and it’s a little mini scrapbook I’ll always have to look back on. Do you send cards?

7 Last night Rambo wanted to go on our Amazon account and buy some music. I told him to stay off our Amazon account until after Cmas so he didn’t see his presents I got for him. Oopsie. He stood up and said, “Little Miss let’s not buy any presents for each other girl. You lied to me. What else have you lied about? See this hand here on my hip – that’s for you. That’s how disgusted I am.” Ah – yah – oops. I can’t help it. If I don’t tell him to not buy me anything he goes cray-cray. Like he’d go buy me two of those VS outfits and we’d lose our home to pay for them. No lie. He’s nutso about gifts.

8 Wanna know the 80 millionth reason why I love this month? It’s BONUS month. And then it’s the month before raises kick in. I mean really….what other month can you say that about?

9 Are any of you obsessed with wearing your husband’s clothes like I am? I mean they’re not even nice clothes. Like for the last two nights I have lived in Rambo’s ugly ass camo huge sweat pants. He just looks at me and smiles and I have to something smart like, “I just love getting in your pants” but the thing is – there’s some sort of weird comfort in it. Some odd connection if I’m wearing something that is his. How weird is that?

10 Tonight I finish wrapping. Just me and some Hello Kitty wrapping paper – some ice cold Pepsi in my Hello Kitty mug and whatever trashy TV that I have DVR’d and our two Cmas trees to light the room. In Rambo’s pants. With leftover Chinese. Freaking bliss, people. B. L. I. S. S.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

3 more things for my Cmas list....

I forgot something on my Cmas list from yesterday. Actually I forgot three things. Forgive me. These are muy importante. Feel free to take notes.

1.  I know that most women are Victoria Secret’s bras and underwear whores. But me? I’m a VS clothes whore. I’m a sucker for all their comfy lounge sweats and hoodies and yoga pants. And now they carry a line of NFL and college teams yoga pants. OH EMM GEE! I even have a pair of their yoga pants with rhinestones skulls on the waistband. This weekend when Rambo and I went Cmas shopping – I sorta kinda might have humped a pair of their new pants in the store. Check these suckers out.


I don’t care who you are – these outfits are fantastic. Perfection. A little bling. A little fun colors. And only $250 for the set. I’d sell my liver for one of these.

2 The second thing that I forgot to mention that I wanted for Cmas was a cork. For Explosive Bathroom Man’s ass. Honest to God…it never ends.

3 Lastly, I’d like children who smile instead of cry. Who wake up farting gumdrops and spewing rainbow words instead of buckets full of crabbiness. I swear to God on high that this season makes my kids turn into little tiny devils. Last night they both got home from a basketball game and walked in crying. Yup – both of them. WELL HELLO FAMILY – I’VE MISSED YOU SOOO! I had spent the evening before they got home – wrapping their Cmas gifts. 5 minutes after they got home, I wanted to go downstairs and burn every present I had wrapped for them.

Surely these cannot be the two children I bought ALL those gifts for??? I told them both to go to their rooms and calm down. After about 10 minutes, I heard Watermelon say, “Banana – get your blanket and come in my room.” There they sat – on Watermelon’s bed – in the pitch black. Crying together.
I could hear them in the office.

At one point I heard Watermelon say, “I bet they won’t even cook for us tonight.” Banana kept crying and said in between sobs, “What are we going to do then – just starve?”

JESUS. Yah, cuz we often don’t feed you. They need a trip to Ethiopia to see what starving really means.

Don’t bother me though because tonight I have to go shopping for party favors and streamers and food and crafts for Watermelon’s birthday party on Friday night. And an effing cake.

Watermelon and Banana have it rough. We’re terrible parents.

Merry Effing Christmas.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

All I Want For Christmas is....

…. a husband with a brain instead of a penis for a brain. Mr. Rambo was in his “need a ladder to get into, 4x4, huge-tired, loud ass” truck with Watermelon the other night – when he turns and says to her, “Should we leave a black mark?” Seriously. He’s five. So he does whatever you need to do to burn rubber and the tires promptly dig in and the drive shaft BREAKS. Yup – that’s right. He broke the effing truck. Women just don’t do this kind of shit. 208 dollars later and I’m still pissed.

…fake Santa Claus “helpers” that at least resemble or sound like the “real” Santa. Jesus. The guy at Walmart who was playing Santa had the face of an 8 year old. I’m not sure he’d been through puberty yet because his voice sounded more like an elf than a Santa. And to top it off – he was skinny. Really? I mean can we at least try to play the part so my kid who is on the verge of not believing is slightly fooled?

…Christmas lights that don’t cost a fortune simply because they are LED. Want a box of LED lights so you can be a more efficient household? No problem. That’ll be $52.99 for 10 lights. Spank you very much.

….the banning of center aisle kiosk salesmen at the mall. I’m in a hurry. Do not ask me if I want your lotion rubbed all over me. No, I do not want you to touch my hair with that. Do I look like I have time for a massage? Yes – those are nice…are you aware Target has them for half the price? UGH

…Christmas break for adults just like the kids get. It’s only fair, right? I mean, let’s be honest. I’m not doing anything productive at work once it turns December anyway.

…the movie Christmas Vacation to run 24/7 every day of December instead of those sappy Lifetime movies where Santa is proven to be real…except he’s not.

….for Barbara Streisand to be forbidden to sing Christmas songs. Please stop. Please. Her and Willie Nelson. It’s just wrong.

…for there to be enough money leftover at the end of the month to pay my mortgage after I go way over budget and buy way too many gifts for my kids. Why does Hello Kitty have to make one of everything? It’s impossible to resist. Same for you, damn One Direction boy band. Why must every 12 year old girl on Earth – including MY daughter be obsessed with you? Whose idea was it to make a One Direction toothbrush? Really?

….for those people who volunteer to ring bells outside of every store you go into to not be allowed to make eye contact with me. I swear if they look me in the eye – I have to put money in the damn red pot. I can’t look at them and not give them money without feeling like I robbed a homeless child. It might as well be the Virgin Mary herself ringing the bell. Eeesh.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I'm raising a thief and a liar.

Banana is OBSESSED with stuffed animals. For the last THREE years – if you ask her what she wants from Santa – her answer has been the same. She says, “100 stuffed animals”. That’s it. That’s ALL she wants. She never waivers.


I tell you this so you can try to keep that obsession in mind as I tell you how my little Banana is a thief and a liar.

Banana went to a birthday party at the neighbor’s house for her friend we'll call K. She came home the next day and said, “Mom – look what I won at the birthday party!! It’s a puppy with its very own carrying bag and leash!! I decorated the bag myself.”

She was soooo happy and played with that puppy all of Saturday and all of Sunday. She named it. Slept with it – and cried when I told her she couldn’t put it in the bath with her.

Enter Sunday afternoon. She goes to the neighbor’s house to ask K if she wants to come out and play.

Next I see Banana running into our house. About 10 feet behind is K running into our house behind Banana.

30 seconds later I see K running back over to her own house with something in her arms.

Then I begin to hear Banana sobbing inside the house.

Yup. K came over and took the puppy back. The puppy Banana has named Abby.

Banana is inconsolable. She says K just said it was hers and took it out of her arms and went home with it.

Oh the crying. And sobbing. It never ended. Over the next few hours she’d randomly just start crying “for Abby”.

Dramatic much? Christ.

My first reaction was to go over to K’s house and punch her in the face. Oh calm down – I wasn’t really going to punch an 8 year old in the face. I was just going to imagine it in my mind.

During this debacle, Rambo and Watermelon are sitting up on the roof putting up Cmas lights. They both saw the kids running back and forth and heard the crying but didn’t know what caused it. I explained to them that K had come and taken “Abby” the puppy and that Banana was heartbroken by it.

I asked Banana all the questions like “Are you sure it was yours? Are you sure you won it? Did she say why she took it back? Does her mom know she came and got it?”

A sobbing 7 year old never has very good answers though. She just wants to shank K. As do I if we’re being honest.

Rambo – being the rational adult in our relationship – says, “There has to be more to the story than this.”

Watermelon – being the 12 year old whose little sister was just hurt – says, “Mom – are you going over there to get it back? If you don’t – I will. She loved that puppy.”

I heard Rambo up on the roof tell Watermelon over and over – “You can’t go over there. We don’t know everything that happened.”

Dagger. In. My. Heart.

I consoled Banana by giving her some new stuffed animals that are usually kept high on a shelf and she seemed better. But it wasn’t the same. None of them were Abby. Losing Abby was like losing her left arm. It was that bad, people.

I was going to chalk this up to a life lesson. Something like “sometimes life sucks – get over it and move on” or “other people’s kids suck” or something like that….but I couldn’t do it. In my moment of trying to make the tears stopped – I made a promise I had no idea if I could keep. I told her that “I’d get her another Abby.”

After work the next day I went through every aisle in the toy and craft section of our local store – praying this is where I’d find another Abby.

NO ABBY! I found two other puppies and sent her pictures of them to see which one she liked. She picked one out and I brought it home for her.

Her smile came back. Mom was a hero. K was still the devil.

All was right with the world. Until Banana would remember Abby. What the holy hell? Any other stuffed animal would only hold her attention for 8 hours – but this Abby – has some pull on her. I guess it was the trauma of having Abby ripped from her loving arms. Geez.

So I swallow my pride and I text K’s mom. I say, “Do you know where K got that puppy in the bag? Banana really wants one and I want to get her one for Cmas.”

Then the shocker came.

K’s mom replies and says, “The tag said Target. Emily gave it to K as her bday present at the party.”

Shitbuckets.

I replied, “Thanks. I’m sorry that Banana had it.” I should have said, “I’M SORRY I’M RAISING A FELON.”

Ladeefreakingdah. My kid is a thief and a liar. Horse balls. What now?  This stuffed animal obsession is like an addiction now.  She can't resist them.  Even when they belong to someone else. 

At supper later, I say to Banana…..”Um, K’s mom said that Abby the puppy was given to K by another girl at the party as a birthday gift so I don’t think you won it.”

And Banana’s response????

“OH.”

OH?????????????? I almost shanked an 8 year old for you!!!! I wandered around a store like a mom on meth looking for a score hunting down another Abby.

And Rambo – being the helpful parent – looks at me and says, “I told you there was more to the story.”

Motherf*ckers. Every last one of them.

I ate my supper and never said another word. Yes – I know that I should make Banana go apologize or something. But part of me thinks there’s “still” more to the story. Like did K tell Banana she could have it to play with? What really went down?

(Yes – I’m aware I’m in denial that my child may be and probably is a genuine thief and liar.)

You know what the worst part is?

My ass is going to Target. To get another Abby for her for Cmas. I made a promise dammit. And though my kid is a liar………..I am not.

Have I ever mentioned parenting is hard? And that I HATE it when Rambo is right??

God help me!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Do you "pray about it"?

Yes – I realize this is a completely intimate and personal question…but I am seriously searching for answers.


Let me explain.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot of blogs that are mentioning God and religion and even quoting scripture. I’m a non-practicing Catholic with a strong, internal faith base. I don’t talk about my faith a lot. I don’t share how I feel about it a lot. I just have it and do it. In my own way.

When I find blogs “preaching” to me about what I should or shouldn’t do in regards to Satan and daily devotions and such…I’ll admit I stop reading. It just doesn’t interest me – because I have my own strong views on what I should and shouldn’t do. If I was searching for a religion or path – I’d probably read more of those types of blogs…but I’m not.

To each his own though. Write about your heart’s desire – even if it’s God. Have at it. More power to you. I admire your faith. I just don’t want to read about it.

In these blogs – before I stop reading though – I see the person mention that when they are struggling – they pray. They usually say, “Such and such is bothering me – so I prayed about it.” Or “my husband and I make a daily habit of praying about and for each other.”

Beyond blogs – I’ve seen a few shows recently where they say, “We didn’t know what to do – so we prayed about it.”

My question???

What does that mean??? For realz. When they say they “prayed about that” – what does that mean exactly?

Does it entail getting down on their knees and folding their hands and putting their head down?

Does it require going off alone or to a church? Does the person pray out loud? In silence? In their head?

When you “pray about it” – what do YOU say or do? Do you just talk to your God like you would talk to a friend? Or does “pray about it” mean that you literally recite known prayers like the Our Father or Hail Mary?

Does “praying about it” mean sitting in silence – meditating? Waiting for an answer? How do you know when you’re done? Do you just do it one time regarding a decision or does “praying about it” mean you do it constantly for days or weeks or until the answer comes?

There are decisions and worries in my life and when I hear about people who say “I prayed about it and then I knew what to do” – I’ll admit it confuses me. Does that person’s “praying” equal what I would call a pro and con list or talking it out with Rambo or journaling until I find my answer?

When I hear the word “pray” – I think of the prayers that were drilled into me as a child that I have memorized for life and I don’t know how on Earth those would bring me an answer to my life’s biggest questions.

But when I read and hear that people “prayed about it” and they felt better and the answer appeared clear – I can admit part of me is envious that they know “how” to do that. Or maybe they just trust in that process more than I do.

Sometimes though – I just want to scream – when the hell do you have time to “pray” about things? Much less long enough to wait for an answer?

I mean if I have an extra 5 minutes – my top priority should be cleaning the toilet where it looks like Shrek lives or clearing a path to my room through the clothes on the floor or getting my big ass on the treadmill.

I suppose maybe this isn’t a question that can be answered by anyone but me. But I’m curious – and if you don’t mind sharing – can you tell me how, when, and where you “pray”? Do you have “prayer” rules – times – guidelines?  Who taught you those things?

Or if you don’t pray – is there a reason why? This interests me too!

Monday, December 3, 2012

Letters to Santa from Draz and Sheniqua.

Most people stop making Cmas lists and writing letters to Santa when they are about 12-ish I think.
Not I. Or Draz or Sheniqua.  Nope.

Me, Drazil and Sheniqua still make lists and write letters even though we are older than dirt.
Feast your eyes on these babies.

Drazil’s letter:

‘Ello Santa Baby,

I hope deez letter finds you as plump and round and jolly as my chubby friend, Sheniqua. Der eez only one sing I vant from you theez holiday season. I need a leezard friend. Of the female persuazeeeion. As “Me” gets older and learns more about herself, she rarely leestens to me anymore. Eez very fruzztrating. Pleeeze, St. Nick. Take peety on me and send me a leetle blue hooker leezard with double D’s and some junk in her trunk. I will name her Zelda. And I will love you forever.

Or just send me Rudolph. I’m not picky. I’ll make eet work.

PS – I think your suit would look would look much better blue. Yezz?

Tata,

Drazzie
************************************************

Sheniqua’s list:

1-new needles for my Mountain Dew IV (like I always say - safety first, health second!)

2-Twinkies. I don’t care if they are no longer made. You’re Santa. Work your magic.

3-Tights that don’t roll down into my vagina after I’ve pulled them up to my titties for the 50th time. As those suckers roll down, I swear to you they are like a boa constrictor. The roll gets tighter and tighter as it goes down. It’s annoying as HELL. Am I supposed to wear suspenders to keep my tights from rolling down and cutting off my circulation? Fix this, Santa. STAT

4-A year’s supply of Skittles. For clarification purposes - that would equal enough to EAT and enough to BATHE in. Just so we’re clear.

5-Lastly, I have more of a service request than a present request. Could you run on over to the heifers folks at Weight Watchers and punch them in the face and tell them to stop sending me emails telling me I “need” to re-join? It hurts my feelings, Santa. And I have me some BIG feelings, you know?

PS – I’m sorry I ate every cookie that Me set out for you last year. The Grinch made me do it. Did you know him and Draz are best friends (you were right to put him on the naughty list)?

Goodnight my dahling,

Sheniqua
**********************************************************
Stay tuned for MY list.....