Thursday, January 31, 2013

Ten Things Thursday!!

1 – I got a scam diet email the other day and the subject line read, “How’s that NY’s resolution working out for you?” – which clearly assumes I’m failing and I suck at keeping whatever my NY resolution was. Normally I delete such reedick-ulous-ness BUT I couldn’t resist so I emailed them back and said, “Pretty f*cking great, spank you very much. I’m the epitome of health since January 1st, you asshat. Well, minus that one tiny little Starburst binge.”

2 – When I was working out downstairs the other night, Banana found a spider on the ceiling and went dramatically nutso (I have no idea where she gets that.) I told her to go get her Dad to save her from the terrifying tiny spider because Mama wasn’t getting off the treadmill. She went and got him and I figured he’d tell her to calm down and that’d be it.

Next thing you know – here he comes – being dragged by her little hand and he kills the spider. She says, “Daddy, you’re my hero.” They went back upstairs and I thought to myself – THAT – was just the definition of a father. A spider killer. A hero. Every single little girl or boy on Earth deserves that kind of faith and trust in their Dad. It’s a simple spider killing – but not so simple to the girl on the treadmill who never had that for herself.

3 – You guys are never going to believe this but I think Podunk has something that big cities have already. It’s called FOD – Fitness On Demand. Have you ever heard of it? I guess it’s the newest, latest trend for gyms. It’s kind of a computer-y thing on the outside wall of a room and it allows you to pick from TONS of types of workouts. Yoga, abs, light, medium, heavy, zumba, and duration and instructor and everything. You punch in what you want – walk in the room – a big screen lowers – and viola! Instant fitness of any kind on demand. No waiting for instructors. No extra cost. Kind of cool, huh?

4 – I can’t stop eating Starbursts. I cannot wait until the mother heifers are all gone. And no – I cannot simply give them away or throw them away. I cannot even believe you’d suggest such a thing.

5 – Do any of you watch Jerseylicious? Um. I’m addicted. The higher the hair, the closer you are to Heaven. Enough said.

6 – Rambo weighed in today. He lost 10.5 pounds in January! I told him when he hit his first 10 pounds, he’d get a reward. And dammit, now I have to follow through on that. No – I will not tell you what the reward is. This is a family show. Kind of.

7 – My kids are old enough now that they don’t really have enough toys to warrant having a toy box anymore. I’m not sure whether to be happy or cry about that. They are also old enough to know if our door is closed, we are probably doing the horizontal mombo and knowing that they know that drives me crazy. They are old enough to know what it is and therefore, we have to be careful. I am absolutely positive I want to cry about this. It sucks donkey balls.

8 – I have to work a full 8 hours this Saturday doing an audit for one of the PT jobs. I have to be in a room with 2 auditors (aka stranger danger) for a whole day. I’m covered in hives just typing that. Jesus Cripes (that’s the son of Gosh by the way) – why must I be tortured so? Thank God they pay me out the ass to do such a thing. It is the only consolation. Dreaming of the mounds of shoes I can buy with that money.

9 – For the first time in my life, I need a new car but I don’t want a new car. Cars are dumb. I mean they are necessary to get me where I want to go but I’m so over paying for them. I used to think I had to have a brand new SUV because it’s a status symbol in our town and I was a follower but now? Dumb. I seriously want to drive my current SUV until it dies. I’ve owned it longer than any other car I’ve ever had because I usually trade often…until my mindset changed and I cared less about cars. Rambo – being the annoyingly over-caring husband that he is - says I either have to get new tires or get a new car. Ugh. I want neither.

10 – Valentine’s Day is coming and Rambo already has my present because he won’t shut up about it. He’s such a child when it comes to gifts. He runs around singing, “I got your gift already.” So now I’m freaking out. I don’t know what to get the boy. I mean there’s the ‘ol standy gifts – like lingerie and stuff – but I want something unique and fun and special. The man deserves gold on a platter. He called me skinny last night when I jumped into bed. I may or may not have cried like a baby. Don’t judge. Just give me some cool ideas, mkay?  (Please do not tell me to buy a star and name it after him.)


Sarah Kopf said...

You & hubs are rockin' this thing out! (And by the way, I think you're BOTH great parents! Wish my parents would of had your sense of humor!)


Connie O said...

I'm trying to think of a cool idea for you, but I'm blanking. I'll come back if anything pops into my head. One of my husband's favorite gifts from me was a Garmin runner's GPS watch, but he runs outdoors, and I think Rambo is more of an indoor athlete. Maybe he'd like a heart rate monitor? See, I am thinking of things tied to your new exercise-mojo lifestyle.

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

I bought my husband a flight lesson for his birthday last September and he finally used it last week and LOVED it!!

Kelly said...

Family show, my arse. Please.

RockBand Barbie said...

I watch Jerseylicious! I rocked big hair long after 80's...maybe I shouldn't be admitting that :)

Laura Belle said...

Camo lingerie. 'Nough said.

Seriously, when you figure out what you're getting him, freaking text my ass! I'm having the same issue! Ryan didn't get the best Xmas presents so now I really want to get him a good Vday present, but can't think of anything!!

LDswims said...

1 - love it. You tell 'em.
2 - so awesome. I understand the not so simple side
3 - never heard of FOD. Wait...what's a gym?
4 - I can't stop eating sugar cookies. I made another batch when the Christmas shaped sugar cookies were gone. These are three different styles of hearts. Tonight I'm making sugar cookie footballs for our party Sunday. Gonna decorate 'em like footballs with icing. I've gone crazy for sugar cookies. They are just so me...
5 - also never heard of it. we fast forward through commercials to save ourselves from finding new tv shows. we watch too much stuff.
6 - Go Rambo!
7 - Crazy. I can't imagine. I also don't want to.
8 - Ugh. Just ugh.
9 - just get the new tires. i don't want a new car anymore, either. i want to run what we have into the ground before i even remotely consider a replacement vehicle. such a change for me to think like this nowadays. i love no car payments!
10 - name a star for him. wait, what's wrong with suggesting that? lol...take him for a getaway weekend as a gift. some romantic bed and breakfast or something. make memories instead of giving a gift to the man who's got everything. or get him something for his harley if you really want a thing.

Fit Mom said...

Get him a pair of that too close to his work? LOL. Or wait. You probably have a pair of those. LOL.

How about cooking him a nice, healthy, romantic dinner? LOL.

Or what are things that he is really into? Something fitness? Something fun for a hobby of his?

Or you can make him one of the ole fashion coupon books. Ya know "this coupon good for a foot rub", "this coupon good for a freak between the sheets" "this coupon good for one car wash" LOL. Get creative!

Cat said...

I love that he's her hero. : ) I never had a Dad in my life, and that's exactly the type of thing I would have wanted.

When you think of what to get him, post it (if you feel inclined) because I need a cool idea for G too. Haha.

jennxaz said...

I would get tires...easier than buying a car...I am over car salesmen..that gives me the hives thinking about it. I have no good ideas for valentines day but I like Laurabelles idea..throw in some thigh high stockings.....and some honey to go with it .,... if you know what I mean!

Mrs Swan said...

get rid of starbursts!! Yes I went there. :P

FitBy40 said...

I can't throw out bad for me food either. I just convince myself that it'll be better once it's all gone. We must be twins.
You guys are doing so well with your new proud!
My hubby also just lost about 10 pounds. His doc was concerned about his BP and suggested he try to lose a few pounds, and he did. Dontcha' hate how it's so easy for the men to just do that?
Being a mom of 2 young girls, I can't even wrap my head around them knowing what the closed door means. thanks for giving me an anxiety attack!

Nikki609 said...

Seriously, you crack me the h$$$ up! I wish I was able to get to your blog at work because that's where I do most of my reading, but for some dumb reason they have yours make my day :)

Joanna said...

You should do some scavenger hunt thingy with him. Little gifts along the way.

I've always wanted to do something like that, but I have a Hubby who HATES Valentine's day and refuses to even acknowledge its existence.

Angelwithatwist said...

OK as far as the kids knowing you do the mombo, at least they know you love each other and are with each other and not someone else. If they ask tell them it is a beautiful thing mom and dad share with each other because they love each other. Period. Valentine's day.. easy.. breakfast in bed, naked preferably, the kids at a sitters if you must. A hot bath relaxing together, homemade chocolate covered strawberries and watching his favorite shows even if they kill you inside a little lol

MandaPanda said...

I have no good ideas...I suck at gifts. :)

Kyla @ Mommys Weird said...

#8 Sounds awful BLAH. Good luck..?