Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Want more followers? Do NOT do any of these things.

Do any of you read The Daily Tay? She’s hilarious so you totally should.

You know how some of the big, successful bloggers give out tips on how to become a better blogger? Wellll – Miss Creative (aka Tay) – decided to do a list of things she doesn’t do and probably should do regarding blogging. I loved it and because I’m a follower and not a leader and I seem to possess no brain cells to come up with a blogging topic on my own…..Ima copying her. So there.

These are definitely not to do tips people. These are things you should NOT do. These are the things that *I* personally do wrong in the world of blogging. Maybe that makes me unique or stupid. You can be the judge.

1. Just like Miss Tay – my #1 thing that I do wrong is “selfies”. Pictures of myself. I don’t do ‘em. Mostly because it’s really hard for me to look at myself so I have no idea why on Earth anyone else would want to do it.

I don’t completely suck at fashion and I don’t have 18 warts on my nose and I’m not even as old as dirt yet - but taking self-portraits just seems cray-cray for ME. I don’t know where the fashion bloggers and such find the time for these pictures.

Also – I do not nor will I ever carry a camera in my pocket and my cell phone doesn’t even have the internet so that tells you how much I carry my phone too. Oh, and there’s another big reason I don’t do selfies….which leads me to #2.

2. Um….mistake #2 that I make is that I’m completely ANONYMOUS. Actually, anyone with a brain in my real life could figure out who I am but for the most part I don’t share my name or my kid’s names or pics. Few people in my real life even know that I blog.

I don’t even have a major reason for being ANON other than when I first started this blog I talked a lot about the people in my office in good fun but I didn’t want them to ever be hurt or see it. I guess I do have a major reason now that I think about it. I never, ever wanted to filter my words for fear of someone reading them. For shit’s sake – EVERYTHING in my life is filtered enough! I wanted to write with wild abandon!

However, in blog world, I think ANON blogs just aren’t as nice as public ones. There’s less of a personal connection and I don’t think followers prefer it. But it is what it is. And if I want to talk about the VP shitting his pants at work or how great my very own vagina is – well – I can.

3. Pictures. I mean beyond the self-portraits. I just don’t take them. In real life or blog life. I haven’t had a professional family picture taken of my family – ever. It’s pathetic. I’m fairly certain I will regret my non-picture-taking ways when I’m 80 but for now – it’s who I am. I don’t think that I have ever taken a picture of something I’ve eaten either – mostly because I’m shoveling it in too fast to ever take a picture of it. I’ve heard that readers of blogs LOVE posts with pictures. So I guess I should say I’m sorry. I put a pic up once in a while. Does that count?

4. Using mysterious coded names. I doubt very much that anyone likes popping into my blog who hasn’t read it before because they have to wonder who the hell Rambo is. What in Satan’s name is a Drazil? Who names their kids Watermelon and Banana? What the F is CareBear Land? They probably want to scream,
Ah, sue me. It’s why God invented “About Me” pages.

5. Giveaways and reviews. I'm pretty sure all the really good bloggers do lots of these.  Which is to say that I think in all my years of blogging, I’ve done one actual real review and no giveaways. Yup – just call me generous or lazy. Sure, I’ve been asked but it just feels fake-ish to me when I write it. And I have to be honest – if I see a post with a review or giveaway – I skip over it and rarely enter or read it. Unless it’s for purses or shoes and I’m guaranteed to win.

6. Facebook and Twitter. I don’t link my blog to my personal FB account (part of being anon you know?) and I don’t twat or twit or whatever. I don’t even chirp. Not even a little. I’m fairly certain big bloggers gain massive amounts of readers by using social media to their advantage but again I say – when do these people have time? I also say they are just plain smarter than me.
I think I suck at time management because if someone told me today that I had to be on Twitter I think I’d stick my head up my own ass in revolt. Did I mention I don’t even have the internet on my phone? I’m anti-social for God’s sake – why on Earth would I want to be available to everyone 24/7? That’s just crazy talk.

7. Sponsors and ads. I’m pretty sure this is another way that good bloggers gain more followers and moolah. Again – no time to manage such a thing. And I have to admit that I’m very afraid of obsessing over or making money off my blog. I’m afraid it’ll feel like a job then and let’s face it – everything in my life already feels like a job. Even peeing. And breathing.

8. I get political. Once in a while I go off on a political tangent and get completely carried away. It’s something I’m passionate about so I never regret it. I am however, fairly positive that talking politics is a major NO NO in blogland. I get that - so mostly I just talk about sex. An intimate and personal thing such as sex is totally acceptable to talk about in great detail – but never, ever broach the subject of politics. Mkay?

So that’s all I can think of for now. I’m pretty sure I break a lot of other blogging rules but up in CareBear Land no one gives a shit about rules. That’s the mysterious code word for where I live. Because living in reality just isn’t fun. And there’s no Mountain Dew. Duh.

How about you?  Got any blogging tips to share?  Clearly...I could use some help.  Please and thank you.


Cat said...

Haha! I did the review and giveaway thing one time. I'll never do it again.

I also only occasionally post pictures. My favorites are usually when people post progress pictures. I also love the Some E Card things that LB posts. : )

I say you are who you are and you don't have to fit into a mold. You have tons of followers and we all adore you, every day. If someone doesn't - you don't need them babe!

jennxaz said...

You make up for the pictures with awesome blog posts! Your topics are always interesting. And I super heart you

Jen said...

I agree with Jen! Your blogs are always more thoughtful, heartfelt, helpful than anyone else I know who blogs! I admit, I'm a lot of fluff with all my pics but I just generally dont have a lot to say so pictures take up te space! Keep doing what YOU are doing bc I think it's working for you!

Fit Mom said...

Ha. Well I dont do giveaways or tweet or do ads. Well I have one ad for Zumba but it is because it is a discount. And I dont count it because I posted it. LOL.

MandaPanda said...

I don't like sponsorships or giveaways. I love pics though!

Marc said...

I went through Google AdSense to have advertising put on my blog. A bicycle salesman that puts advertising on his website, through the clicking by visitors on his website for bicycle products...he gets a monthly check for 100 to 300 dollars each month. You have to get enough visitors to click on your advertisements to generate income. You also DO NOT get a check until you have accumulated enough visitor clicks on advertisements to equal 100 dollars in income for yourself. I've had my adsense ads on my blog for 7 months now. My income is up to 17.23 I should see my 1st 100 dollar check from adsense in the year 2015 (maybe) woo-hoo! FREE MONEY - LOL

Terrie said...

hahaha, that is too funny. I don't really blog for anyone but me though. It is nice to have encouragement but it is all about writing up a history. I am sure most people feel the same way.

Terrie said...

And what the hell am I supposed to give away anyway? I need all the stuff I have lol.

Wendie Haynes said...

I think you just created a list of exactly why I LOVE your blog. Mystery is exciting. I also definitely love when people say it how it is, not what they think people will like.

I'd rather have 4 readers and say what I want than 500 that I got by giveaways, saying what they want to hear, or any other such nonsense.

As far as twitter....NO clue how it works. It seems so confusing to me and I really don't have time to catch up with "Twitter For Dumbies".

FitBy40 said...

I'm doomed! I don't use twitter, I am anonymous, don't use the names of my family members, and rarely post pictures! Oh, and I've never done a give away or product review, and I have no sponsors.
What the hell, why do I even blog!
BTW, I don't have internet on my phone either!

Helene said...

love the daily tay and her post on that. i so agree with this. i am just so tired of every blogger doing a link up everyday!! or one of those questionnaires. THink outside the box!

Taylor Grace said...

Hahahah hilarious!

Ice Queen said...

You're doing just fine, sweets. Those of us who love you, ANON, politics, Mt. Dew and all accept and relish and read. You don't have to do giveaways and twat and review. You write from your heart, you are real raw and open and that, my friend is what brings all of the readers to your yard. Fuck milkshakes.

Mmm... Milkshakes.

Just keep on doing what you are doing. :D

LDswims said...

Your blog is why I still read blogs. Those others that post pics and have ads and do giveaways - I can't stand those. I like that while you are anon, you also put way more out there than anyone else. You are real, you are honest, you are articulate, and you are beautiful. That is a perfect blog to me. Add in your wit, humor and sarcasm and you've got an unbeatable blog.

But dangit, girl, take a professional family photo. You will regret not having that. I am like you, too busy living to hide behind a camera. But I will never skimp on the prof photos. Helps that we love our photographer so much and she is now giving us our sessions for free so she can use the pics on her website to help with her advertising. But I would pay no matter what. Priceless photos and it's amazing what she's captured in the 4 sessions we've had so far. I can't wait til it's time for the 18 month photos! (After this year we'll go to yearly until we add in more kiddoes...)

I love you. Exactly the way you are.

Melissa K said...

Slowly but surely the list of blogs I "have" to read every day has dwindled for all the above things you're not supposed to do. I can think of one in particular that started similar to yours; funny, sassy and sweet. Now it's all pictures of the blogger doing everything, giveaways and nonsense. I just can't read it anymore.

Keep doing what you're doing!

Joanna said...

I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with your blog - and don't see any need for you to have to do any of those things listed.

Being a great blogger is about being a great writer...or did I lose something along the way? I don't give a rat's behind what kind of ads there are, if you post a ton of pictures, or if I know you're real name... it's about enjoying what I read. And I do. Every single time I come here. :)

The Dandy Bandy said...

U need no help my dear...ur blog is pure awesomeness...period. :-)