You know how some of the big, successful bloggers give out tips on how to become a better blogger? Wellll – Miss Creative (aka Tay) – decided to do a list of things she doesn’t do and probably should do regarding blogging. I loved it and because I’m a follower and not a leader and I seem to possess no brain cells to come up with a blogging topic on my own…..Ima copying her. So there.
These are definitely not to do tips people. These are things you should NOT do. These are the things that *I* personally do wrong in the world of blogging. Maybe that makes me unique
1. Just like Miss Tay – my #1 thing that I do wrong is “selfies”. Pictures of myself. I don’t do ‘em. Mostly because it’s really hard for me to look at myself so I have no idea why on Earth anyone else would want to do it.
I don’t completely suck at fashion and I don’t have 18 warts on my nose and I’m not even as old as dirt yet - but taking self-portraits just seems cray-cray for ME. I don’t know where the fashion bloggers and such find the time for these pictures.
Also – I do not nor will I ever carry a camera in my pocket and my cell phone doesn’t even have the internet so that tells you how much I carry my phone too. Oh, and there’s another big reason I don’t do selfies….which leads me to #2.
2. Um….mistake #2 that I make is that I’m completely ANONYMOUS. Actually, anyone with a brain in my real life could figure out who I am but for the most part I don’t share my name or my kid’s names or pics. Few people in my real life even know that I blog.
I don’t even have a major reason for being ANON other than when I first started this blog I talked a lot about the people in my office in good fun but I didn’t want them to ever be hurt or see it. I guess I do have a major reason now that I think about it. I never, ever wanted to filter my words for fear of someone reading them. For shit’s sake – EVERYTHING in my life is filtered enough! I wanted to write with wild abandon!
However, in blog world, I think ANON blogs just aren’t as nice as public ones. There’s less of a personal connection and I don’t think followers prefer it. But it is what it is. And if I want to talk about the VP shitting his pants at work or how great my very own vagina is – well – I can.
3. Pictures. I mean beyond the self-portraits. I just don’t take them. In real life or blog life. I haven’t had a professional family picture taken of my family – ever. It’s pathetic. I’m fairly certain I will regret my non-picture-taking ways when I’m 80 but for now – it’s who I am. I don’t think that I have ever taken a picture of something I’ve eaten either – mostly because I’m shoveling it in too fast to ever take a picture of it. I’ve heard that readers of blogs LOVE posts with pictures. So I guess I should say I’m sorry. I put a pic up once in a while. Does that count?
4. Using mysterious coded names. I doubt very much that anyone likes popping into my blog who hasn’t read it before because they have to wonder who the hell Rambo is. What in Satan’s name is a Drazil? Who names their kids Watermelon and Banana? What the F is CareBear Land? They probably want to scream,
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS IDIOT BLOGGER?"
Ah, sue me. It’s why God invented “About Me” pages.
5. Giveaways and reviews. I'm pretty sure all the really good bloggers do lots of these. Which is to say that I think in all my years of blogging, I’ve done one actual real review and no giveaways. Yup – just call me generous
6. Facebook and Twitter. I don’t link my blog to my personal FB account (part of being anon you know?) and I don’t twat or twit or whatever. I don’t even chirp. Not even a little. I’m fairly certain big bloggers gain massive amounts of readers by using social media to their advantage but again I say – when do these people have time? I also say they are just plain smarter than me.
I think I suck at time management because if someone told me today that I had to be on Twitter I think I’d stick my head up my own ass in revolt. Did I mention I don’t even have the internet on my phone? I’m anti-social for God’s sake – why on Earth would I want to be available to everyone 24/7? That’s just crazy talk.
7. Sponsors and ads. I’m pretty sure this is another way that good bloggers gain more followers and moolah. Again – no time to manage such a thing. And I have to admit that I’m very afraid of obsessing over or making money off my blog. I’m afraid it’ll feel like a job then and let’s face it – everything in my life already feels like a job. Even peeing. And breathing.
8. I get political. Once in a while I go off on a political tangent and get completely carried away. It’s something I’m passionate about so I never regret it. I am however, fairly positive that talking politics is a major NO NO in blogland. I get that - so mostly I just talk about sex. An intimate and personal thing such as sex is totally acceptable to talk about in great detail – but never, ever broach the subject of politics. Mkay?
So that’s all I can think of for now. I’m pretty sure I break a lot of other blogging rules but up in CareBear Land no one gives a shit about rules. That’s the mysterious code word for where I live. Because living in reality just isn’t fun. And there’s no Mountain Dew. Duh.
How about you? Got any blogging tips to share? Clearly...I could use some help. Please and thank you.