Wednesday, February 13, 2013

WTF Wednesday!

I’m feeling a little WTF-ish so Ima gonna do a WTF Wednesday post.

-A grown ass woman that I work with had on a black skirt with a black blazer, bright RED high tops (no – I’m not kidding you) AND a pin on her blazer. The pin was of Tinkerbell. Yes, like Tinkerbell – the flying fairy cartoon – back from when I was 4 years old. WTF!!! I can’t understand this. I mean – who gets up in the morning and says, “hmmm – these red high tops go great with this black pencil skirt and I’ll add this Tinkerbell pin to spice it up.”? Tell me who? I am not a fan of adults who wear cartoon-ish things. Shut up. Hello Kitty is not a cartoon. This rule doesn’t apply to me.

-Do you want to know why more people eat chips than fruits? Because. To eat a chip all you have to do is open a bag and instantly you can chow down. Fruit? No – fruit has to be difficult. It can take me 10 minutes to peel or try to spoon out a grapefruit and it’s a MESS. Orange? Same thing. Makes a mess, I’m all sticky and it takes too long. Peeling an apple. Not fun. Annoying banana peel that is left behind and smells. So damn inconvenient. Stupid fruits. WTF. (Yes, I am aware that they come pre-peeled. Too expensive and then I have nothing to bitch about so just roll with me here.)

-Whoever named little candy bars “fun-sized” should be shanked. Those are not FUN sized. They are TEASE-sized. A reminder that you shouldn’t eat a full candy bar-sized. Your ass is huge so you can only have this small candy bar-sized. You’re on a diet-sized. Still contains a billion calories-sized. I mean WTF. Seriously. They are not fun – unless you eat 16 of them.

-WhoTF ever told Barbara Streisand she could sing? They keep playing her songs on the radio in my office and I want to scratch my eyes out and shank her in her gigantic nose. It’s like Michael Bolton and Rod Stewart…they can’t sing. They are famous for their ridiculous physical thingys – like their crazy hair and big noses. But carry a tune? OMG – help me.

-I had on mint green jeggings the other day and I was sitting down – so they of course were tight against my thigh – as all pants are when you sit. I asked the woman (who shall remain unnamed) next to me what she thought of them. She said, “I prefer my jeggings to be less tight – you know – for girls like us.” WTF does that mean? Girls like us??? Us as in fat girls? What are you saying? I shanked her…in my head at least.

-Here is parenting in a nutshell. Banana asked for rice – plain. I gave it to her. She said, “Mom, can I have a little gravy?” I got back up and got gravy, warmed it up and gave it back to her and sat back down. She said, “Mom, can I have a little more gravy but not too much?” I got back up and got more gravy, warmed it up and gave it back to her and sat back down. She said, “Mom, there’s too much gravy. I can’t eat this. Can you make me something else?” I shanked her, told her to eat dirt and then had a nervous breakdown. I mean WTF!? The morale of the story is: Never have kids….much less cute ones that you can’t say no to. You’ll just end up shanking them.

-Rambo got me an early Valentine’s present. A white Chevy Tahoe….because I’ve wanted one forever. It came with a DVD player in the back and a moon roof AND he made them put remote start on it for free. That boy kinda rocks if you ask me. And I know that this is not the gift he has been telling me he has had for me for weeks. I still haven’t gotten him anything but a card. I suck. WTF is wrong with me?  (don't answer that.)


Fit Mom said...

red high tops, pencil skirt and Tinkerbell? Sounds like her multiple personalities are colliding.

Get some grapes. Wash them and keep them off the vine in a tub. Then you can pop like chips. Fair warning...there is still sugar in them.

Yeah no to Babs. And Celine Dion. Ugh.

And I am assuming the chick that made the comment about your lime jeggings isnt the same one that wore the high tops. I would love to hear what she has to say about that fashion trend. LOL

Landry's (my 3 yr old) new thing is that if the food isnt on his plate "just right" he wants you to "start over". Seriously! And a tantrum happens if you say no. I totally understand the Mom from a Christmas Story who hasnt gotten a hot meal in "x" amount of years.

Rambo is a keeper. :)

jennxaz said...

lol---sounds like dinner with my son when he really is not hungry! and I love the outfit..going to go looking for one this weekend...but pink hightops please ;0

Terrie said...

sounds like the "lady" who commented on your leggings needs punched in the throat!!

What a great present!!

FitBy40 said...

My kids constantly ask me for stuff as soon as I sit down at the table. It's a running joke in our family to see how many times a night I get up from the table.
A mom's job is never done!

LDswims said...


I hate tinkerbell. There are much more awesome fairies out there. Like the Garden Fairies. Now those on a pin...would still be ridic.

And no, Hello Kitty is not a cartoon and that rule does not apply to you.

You are right. Back when I was good and had time I would buy my fruit, go home, peel and chop it, then store in little ready to go containers. I hate the expense of pre-peeled stuff, too. It's ridiculously expensive. And I love to I can't fathom paying a ridiculous price to have a task I love to do taken away from me.

Yes. Shank.


Seriously? I would shank her, too. For you. Not for me. I am a "girls like us", too. But not you! Seriously. Size 8!

Love it. Eat dirt - that's awesome. I know I'll be saying the same thing some day soon.

Congratulations on the Tahoe. I know you're excited!!!


Cat said...

I don't wear designs on my stuff ever. I love Hello Kitty, but I don't have anything with her on it. Nothing. At. All.

I love Rambo's gift for you!! /hugs

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

Sounds like an outfit straight from an 80's music video! Does she wear her hair up in a chignon and black glasses at the edge of her nose, too???

Tina @ The Bandit Girl said...

I feel like your experience with the gravy happens to me at least once a week...LOL. You can add Neil Diamond and (yes, some people will hate me) Bruce Springsteen to the list...Face it, their voice just sucks. Sa-weeeet on the Tahoe!

Carla Birnberg said...

you get the BEST PRESENT EVAH award!!!



Robyn's Nest said...

Your husband got you a Tohoe and a gift backet??? I am doing something wrong, I will be lucky to get a card.... damn it.