Wednesday, February 13, 2013

WTF Wednesday!


I’m feeling a little WTF-ish so Ima gonna do a WTF Wednesday post.


-A grown ass woman that I work with had on a black skirt with a black blazer, bright RED high tops (no – I’m not kidding you) AND a pin on her blazer. The pin was of Tinkerbell. Yes, like Tinkerbell – the flying fairy cartoon – back from when I was 4 years old. WTF!!! I can’t understand this. I mean – who gets up in the morning and says, “hmmm – these red high tops go great with this black pencil skirt and I’ll add this Tinkerbell pin to spice it up.”? Tell me who? I am not a fan of adults who wear cartoon-ish things. Shut up. Hello Kitty is not a cartoon. This rule doesn’t apply to me.

-Do you want to know why more people eat chips than fruits? Because. To eat a chip all you have to do is open a bag and instantly you can chow down. Fruit? No – fruit has to be difficult. It can take me 10 minutes to peel or try to spoon out a grapefruit and it’s a MESS. Orange? Same thing. Makes a mess, I’m all sticky and it takes too long. Peeling an apple. Not fun. Annoying banana peel that is left behind and smells. So damn inconvenient. Stupid fruits. WTF. (Yes, I am aware that they come pre-peeled. Too expensive and then I have nothing to bitch about so just roll with me here.)

-Whoever named little candy bars “fun-sized” should be shanked. Those are not FUN sized. They are TEASE-sized. A reminder that you shouldn’t eat a full candy bar-sized. Your ass is huge so you can only have this small candy bar-sized. You’re on a diet-sized. Still contains a billion calories-sized. I mean WTF. Seriously. They are not fun – unless you eat 16 of them.

-WhoTF ever told Barbara Streisand she could sing? They keep playing her songs on the radio in my office and I want to scratch my eyes out and shank her in her gigantic nose. It’s like Michael Bolton and Rod Stewart…they can’t sing. They are famous for their ridiculous physical thingys – like their crazy hair and big noses. But carry a tune? OMG – help me.

-I had on mint green jeggings the other day and I was sitting down – so they of course were tight against my thigh – as all pants are when you sit. I asked the woman (who shall remain unnamed) next to me what she thought of them. She said, “I prefer my jeggings to be less tight – you know – for girls like us.” WTF does that mean? Girls like us??? Us as in fat girls? What are you saying? I shanked her…in my head at least.

-Here is parenting in a nutshell. Banana asked for rice – plain. I gave it to her. She said, “Mom, can I have a little gravy?” I got back up and got gravy, warmed it up and gave it back to her and sat back down. She said, “Mom, can I have a little more gravy but not too much?” I got back up and got more gravy, warmed it up and gave it back to her and sat back down. She said, “Mom, there’s too much gravy. I can’t eat this. Can you make me something else?” I shanked her, told her to eat dirt and then had a nervous breakdown. I mean WTF!? The morale of the story is: Never have kids….much less cute ones that you can’t say no to. You’ll just end up shanking them.

-Rambo got me an early Valentine’s present. A white Chevy Tahoe….because I’ve wanted one forever. It came with a DVD player in the back and a moon roof AND he made them put remote start on it for free. That boy kinda rocks if you ask me. And I know that this is not the gift he has been telling me he has had for me for weeks. I still haven’t gotten him anything but a card. I suck. WTF is wrong with me?  (don't answer that.)

10 comments:

Fit Mom said...

red high tops, pencil skirt and Tinkerbell? Sounds like her multiple personalities are colliding.

Get some grapes. Wash them and keep them off the vine in a tub. Then you can pop like chips. Fair warning...there is still sugar in them.

Yeah no to Babs. And Celine Dion. Ugh.

And I am assuming the chick that made the comment about your lime jeggings isnt the same one that wore the high tops. I would love to hear what she has to say about that fashion trend. LOL

Landry's (my 3 yr old) new thing is that if the food isnt on his plate "just right" he wants you to "start over". Seriously! And a tantrum happens if you say no. I totally understand the Mom from a Christmas Story who hasnt gotten a hot meal in "x" amount of years.

Rambo is a keeper. :)

jennxaz said...

lol---sounds like dinner with my son when he really is not hungry! and I love the outfit..going to go looking for one this weekend...but pink hightops please ;0

Terrie said...

sounds like the "lady" who commented on your leggings needs punched in the throat!!

What a great present!!

FitBy40 said...

My kids constantly ask me for stuff as soon as I sit down at the table. It's a running joke in our family to see how many times a night I get up from the table.
A mom's job is never done!

LDswims said...

ILUM!!!

I hate tinkerbell. There are much more awesome fairies out there. Like the Garden Fairies. Now those on a pin...would still be ridic.

And no, Hello Kitty is not a cartoon and that rule does not apply to you.

You are right. Back when I was good and had time I would buy my fruit, go home, peel and chop it, then store in little ready to go containers. I hate the expense of pre-peeled stuff, too. It's ridiculously expensive. And I love to chop...so I can't fathom paying a ridiculous price to have a task I love to do taken away from me.

Yes. Shank.

Agreed.

Seriously? I would shank her, too. For you. Not for me. I am a "girls like us", too. But not you! Seriously. Size 8!

Love it. Eat dirt - that's awesome. I know I'll be saying the same thing some day soon.

Congratulations on the Tahoe. I know you're excited!!!

ILUM

Cat said...

I don't wear designs on my stuff ever. I love Hello Kitty, but I don't have anything with her on it. Nothing. At. All.

I love Rambo's gift for you!! /hugs

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

Sounds like an outfit straight from an 80's music video! Does she wear her hair up in a chignon and black glasses at the edge of her nose, too???

Tina @ The Bandit Girl said...

I feel like your experience with the gravy happens to me at least once a week...LOL. You can add Neil Diamond and (yes, some people will hate me) Bruce Springsteen to the list...Face it, their voice just sucks. Sa-weeeet on the Tahoe!

Carla Birnberg said...

WOW.
you get the BEST PRESENT EVAH award!!!

xo


Miz.

Robyn's Nest said...

Your husband got you a Tohoe and a gift backet??? I am doing something wrong, I will be lucky to get a card.... damn it.