Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Hugs and Shanks!


I bought a pair of jeans this weekend that – no lie – have a pink and black skull on the right thigh. It’s a BIG skull and it’s perfection. Seriously – to whomever made these jeans – IWTHU. I have shitloads of Harley shirts with skulls on them and these pants are perfect to match them when we go riding! They are BAD-ASS. Never mind that they are 2 sizes too big. I have blinged out Harley belts that can fix that right up.

To all the YouTube women who do hair and makeup tutorials and say, “You can do this too.” Shut up. Um no, I can’t. IWTSU. You have the hair of a Goddess and your face is a flawless canvas. You make me want to shank myself.

To Easter – IWTSU right after I hug you. My God – Easter candy! In my opinion, it kicks Halloween candy’s ass in a basket. Robin eggs – aka those colored nuggets of bliss that are really just Whoppers in disguise? Reeses shaped eggs? Mini Cadbury eggs with the hard shell? Butterfinger eggs? I mean it never ends. The damn pastel colors get me EVERY damn time.

Let’s talk about the dreaded P word that I hate for a teeny sec. The one that rhymes with whoop. There’s a stomach flu going around and the only symptom seems to be “the runs”. What the what? Runs? Who on God’s green Earth said it was okay to tell the people you professionally work with that you have the runs or the squirts??? I can’t wrap my head around this. If I have the runs – I sure as hell want to keep it a secret in the same way a hooker keeps her STDs a secret. I don’t want anyone to imagine me having “the runs”….much less co-workers. Run is a thing I do on the treadmill – not the toilet. To those of you who tell me your toilet issues – IWTSU.

To the weather guy who says that the weather may actually start feeling like spring – IWTHU. It is nearly April and I’m still wearing boots with most of my outfits. Es no bueno. I mean it’s just downright inappropriate. By now I should have gotten my first pedicure and my toes should be showing in every shoe I wear.

The mayoral election is next week and I’d like to say to my nerves and my anxiety about that – IWTSU. Rambo should win but one never knows. I just want it over with. Like yesterday.

To this morning – IWTHU. Rambo didn’t have to go in to work at his usual time this morning. He has to take an inmate to the hospital for surgery all day today so he didn’t have to be to work until 8am. Normally he gets up at 4am and is gone before the girls and I even get up. Today though he got up with us and helped us get ready and kissed and hugged us all goodbye and left the same time we did. I want that every day. My day starts better if I get to talk to and see Rambo first. For the girls too. We can’t get enough of that boy.

To my co-worker who said she could totally tell that I’m losing weight – IWTHU. Wait. No. I want to hump your leg. And buy you flowers. And hump your leg again. Mkay?

How about you guys?  Anyone you want to hug or shank??

15 comments:

Marc said...

A Korean hooker once told me motioning with her fingers to the area...It ah yucky...no good today...you beat it:)

Tina @ The Bandit Girl said...

LOL on the leg humping! You always make my day!

Cheri said...

The co-worker who's leg you want to hump...make sure she doesn't have the runs first.

want to shank me? ;-P xoxoxo

Rachel said...

Easter candy is my NEMESIS! Way worse than Halloween candy for me!

Jen said...

I so agree about the Easter Candy.. WAY better than Halloween.. I mean Halloween does not have peeps or Cadbury Eggs, so that in and of itself, makes it an inferior candy holiday.

jennxaz said...

OMG robin eggs...I LOVE THEM! I haven't bought any yet...but I know hubby is going to get them because He loves them too.....and Marc's comment whoever he is had me rolling....bet you look super cute in harley outfit!

Kelly said...

Pic of the jeans w/the skull motif? I'd want to hug you!

Sunshine's Heart said...

I want to hug the inventor of the afternoon nap. Yawn.

Connie O said...

I don't think I remember robin's eggs. I'd better not go looking for them just to see, or I'll go on a whole Easter candy bender.

Fortunately, my coworkers have never felt a need to "share" their intestinal issues, or I would definitely want to shank them.

I bet your weight loss shows to everyone!

Chris P said...

Love it! Drazil you are so awesome! LOL

Leigh Costa said...

I want to shank the scale I got weighed on today. The first time in 18 months that I had a gain? After cutting out wine, nuts, fruit, and root vegetables for three weeks! Are you kidding me? Thanks for the laughs as always. I needed them!

speck said...

LMAO just thinking about your "shitload" of Harley skull head shirts with your blinged out belts looking all badass! :)

RockBand Barbie said...

Love me some Cadburry Mini Eggs!!!!

Sarah Kopf said...

I went Easter candy shopping today and nearly died! Seriously! I wanted to sit down in the aisle like a three year old, cry, rock, and throw a tantrum! Sugar overload! ....I ended up buying nothing because I FREAKED out and said to hell with it. Totally normal...

Sarah
www.thinfluenced.com

Joanna said...

I've probably gone through about 15 boxes of Caramel Cream Eggs since the Easter candy has been on display. I just know that's why I've gained a zillion pounds in the last month.

I can't wait for the Easter candy to be GONE!!

And IWTHU for putting a smile on my face this morning. :)