1-I am writing this blog post on my daughter's laptop. This is the first time that I have ever blogged from a laptop since I started this blog years ago. Isn't that cray cray? It feels veeerrrrryyy weird.
2-Last night I spent hours searching online for an old Volkwagon Beetle (aka slug bug). I want one in my landscaping so I can open the hood and plant tons of colorful flowers in it and then I'll paint flowers on the doors and stuff. I get stupid ideas like this often. Don't judge.
3-I love hot weather, however, it's over 100 here and so hot that none of us have gone swimming because it's like taking a hot bath. The water is the temperature of Satan's mouth and therefore, is not refreshing. It makes you feel like a human egg. Boiling. It's poopy woopy.
4-I would love to be out running in this heat because that's my favorite time to run but I'm a f*cking idiot and have a new tattoo that has swelled up my ankle and foot and at times, it's hard to walk. Can you say moron?
5-My friend decided to quit smoking this week so the night before she quit I gave her a big "Good Luck Quitting" basket. I put 4 bags of hard candies in it plus straws (to chew on), toothpicks, crossword puzzles, tons of gum, a cool new water cup, rubberbands (to snap her wrist when she gets a craving) and stress balls and fresh flowers. Banana and I also made her a card for each day that she is smoke-free so she can open one each day. The cards said stuff like "YAY - you won't have to stand out in the cold this winter!!!" She loved it and she is currently on Day 2 and her husband is on Day 4!!!
6-I bought another Michael Kors purse and decided again that it was too small which is fine because my co-worker bought it from me. This means that I spent at least 1/2 of my day shopping for my next trial purse. My eyes hurt from the shopping - but I shall not give up. Do not worry.
7-After I spent hours looking for a slug bug online I spent a few more searching for old antique farm equipment like a corn planter for my landscaping since I couldn't find a slug bug. Isn't my life exciting? Try not to be jealous, mkay?
8-Right now as we speak Rambo is driving to get me a dish of black raspberry ice cream. There's a little place in town that serves it and OMG - it's like an orgasm in a dish. I sorta kinda can't get enough of it. Oopsie.
9-Watermelon is having a pool party slash trampoline jumping party slash campfire slash Just Dance party tomorrow night. Cue the Xanax and vodka. Whenever there are more than two 13 year olds in a room - anything can happen. It's way easier to deal with that "anything" if you're high AND drunk. Duh.
10-I have to attend a family picnic on Saturday. I'd rather light myself on fire. Twice. Maybe even 3 times. God help me.