Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Botox, Vagina Vulnerability and Dog Farts.

Nice title, huh? 
 I can't wait to see how many people find my blog using the key words in my title.  Eesh.
Anywhoozle, guess what yours truly did last night?
I got on the treadmill and sweated my chubby little ass off.  Feel free to applaud.  It’s that big of a deal.  It felt pretty great if I do say so myself.  The whole time I kept thinking, “Why do I let myself forget how good this makes me feel?”
I ended up getting a burst of energy from my workout and a migraine.  Dammit. 
Annoying as hell I tell you. 
Speaking of migraines, I’ve been approved for Botox!!  Whoop!!  I’ve heard people have really good luck with Botox preventing migraines so here’s hoping!  I’ll let you know how it goes.  I’ve gotten Botox in my armpits a few times to stop sweating and it really didn’t hurt too bad at all but I think this will be in neck region.  We’ll see.
Also I’d like to say that I am tired today.  So tired that I went pee just so I could sit down and close my eyes and not get in trouble.  Do any of you sit on the toilet to catch a break and then start to panic that a snake or dragon might come through the pipes and bite your vagina?  No?  I know it’s irrational but just sitting there – resting instead of peeing – makes me feel all kind of vagina vulnerable you know?
It’s raise time for one of my PT jobs.  Asking for a raise scares me more than fire ants in my underwear.  Why the hell is it so hard when I know that I’m worth it?  Ugh.
Let’s see – what else?  Oh yah - there’s this little tidbit.  Eating healthy smells like dog farts.  I ate hard boiled eggs for breakfast and tilapia for lunch and therefore my office smells downright stanky.  When people walk in I’m sure they think I’ve got feminine hygiene issues so I’m contemplating making a sign that says, “It isn’t me.  It’s my food.  I swear.”
Okay – that’s all the randompants I think you should be subjected to in one day so I’m stopping there.
Have a great day, Skittles.


Tara Cartledge said...

You are too much!! The only place I don't hear a buzzer or a bell is in the bathroom at work!! So yes, don't feel alone when you are on the toliet!! Bahahaha!!

Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

No, I have never been worried about the state of my vagina, (or my overall well-being, for that matter), while sitting on the throne. I'm the only one in my house who realizes just how nice of a reading room it is!

Rachel said...

I finally went to Zumba again last night after way too long off... I totally forgot how wonderful I feel! Hope the botox helps your migraines!

Cat said...

HAHAHAA!! Robyn made salmon in the office one time and received so many "fish" comments that she's never done it again. : )

Laura Belle said...

I just want to sit on the potty forever because it's such a pain in the knees, hips, ankles, ass, you name it to get back up again.

I have nightmares of the baby popping out in the potty. Does that beat dragons?

Sheila said...

OMG, I love this post. Applause for the treadmill bit (woo hoo!) sorry you got a migraine though. Please keep us posted on the botox, hopefully that helps.

And I totally will NOT ever eat hard boiled eggs or fish at work. I've had too many complaints and it's not worth the trauma. lol

Beth Ann said...

I never knew there was a name for it...vagina vulnerability. Good to know!

Fit Mom said...

Hahaha! Try this for lunch and it doesn't stink: nitrate free turkey lunch meat with fresh avocado and red bell pepper slices all rolled up. Yum, yum!! Getting ready to make that for my dinner. And yes. You are worth a raise!

FitBy40 said...

Fingers crossed for a raise!
I love Tilapia but I've never noticed it being stinky. Probably because we eat it up so fast it doesn't have time to develop a smell!

This is NOT going to help your paranoia but I just have to share. When I was a kid, my aunt who lived in a city apartment building saw her toilet seat moving up and down and thought she was going crazy. She went over and lifted up the seat only to find a rat trying to get out of the bowl! I've never forgotten that and yes, feel vulnerable on the john.
Sorry for any future nightmares you might have now, thanks to me!