Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Holy elephant farts!!!

I couldn't think of a title.  Sue me.
I have so much to tell you.  Let’s begin the randompants, shall we?

A-Rambo, Watermelon and I got Smartphones last night.  Jesus balls.  I hate it.  Well – wait.  Let me rephrase that.  I hate change.  Literally – I just got the hang of texting and even finally got used to leaving my phone ON and now you want me to use a fricking phone that can double as a TV remote and does what I tell it to if I speak to it?  Yah.  There should be a rule against dumb people (aka – me) using Smartphones.  The ONLY thing that I love about it is the fact that I got a kick ass blinged out cover for it.
B-It finally happened.  Rambo and I went on a motorcycle benefit ride with about 200 bikes and a guy at the end had a tire blow out and he wrecked and had to be med-flighted to the hospital.  We were ahead of him so we didn’t see it happen.  Ugh.  I always wondered if/when I’d be on a ride and someone would wreck.  Yuck.

C-I got BOTOX this morning.  31 injections.  Forehead, temples, back of head, shoulders and back of neck.  Yuck-a-rooni.  Hurt like a mother bitch but not nearly as much as getting 20 migraines a month or ending up in the ER shoved full of IVs.  Here’s praying to baby Jesus that this works.
D-Every day after I drop my kids at the sitter’s house, I drive to work on the back roads and there is a woman who walks every day.  Totally gray hair and older.  In a long pink nightgown/housecoat.  I freaking love it.  I wave and she makes me smile.  She reminds me every day that I still get to live in an area where little old Grandmas can literally take an early morning walk in their pajamas and be safe.

E-I hate that it’s almost September.  I hate that school will start soon.  I hate that my flowers will die soon.  Blah, blah, blah.  I keep trying to remember it means fall and sweaters and football games and holidays and time off.  But for now – it sucks goat turds that summer is ending.
F-Two of my most favorite bloggers who have tons of followers and have been doing this way better and way longer than me have shocked me this month.  Both have disclosed that their marriages are ending.  I literally read the words and out loud said to my screen, “No effing way!”  Like I felt an instant instinct of pain for these women that I have not nor will ever meet.  It’s just so heartbreaking.  I despise reality.  I prefer to live in Care Bear Land where fairy tales really exist.

G-I wrote up my raise proposal and submitted it to the Board for Monday’s meeting.  How the hell else will I pay for the stupid new Smartphones?  Eesh.
H-I have a ton of “athletic” type outfits I’ve decided to sell.  Like Adidas shorts with a matching Adidas shirt.  Or Nike.  Or Under Armour.  I just don’t wear them and they were expensive and someone should so I’ll put them on the sale blog in case you are interested.  I think I might sell some of my Harley Davidson sweatpants/matching shirt outfits too.  Time to clean the closet a bit.

I-I dip-dyed Watermelon’s hair red on the ends.  Her friends all did theirs pink and she wanted red so we did it.  It turned out super cute…and if I didn’t work in a professional office you can bet your ass I’d be dying mine blue or pink or something.  It’s killing me that I can’t.  Ha!
Alright – that’s it.  Not as much as I thought and not nearly as exciting as you thought it would be, was it? 
Have a good day, Skittles!


Fit Mom said...

So sad about the marriages. And in love dip dyed hair. I bet it looks so cute on her! And sorry about the motorcycle accident. How sad! How is he doing?

Beth Ann said...

Hope the shots work for you!

Linda said...

My sister in law got Botox for her migraines. It worked well for her, so I hope it's just as successful for you.

Carla Birnberg said...

hope they help.


Laura Belle said...

Only good thing about summer being almost over is that Baby D will 'hopefully' be here soon. Or never. She may just never come. Stubborn ass.

I got a new smartphone too. And guess what, I totally channeled you and got a blingy purple rhinestone case!!! SQUEEEEEEE!

Cat said...

I cannot believe it's nearly fall too. Though it means Halloween is coming which I LUUUURRRVVVEEEE so much! /squee

It's the only thing that makes the fall worth it. Other than jeans and Uggs. Yeah, that too. And scarfs. Accessories, not winter scarves. :)

Corletta said...

Hey Girl! Though I haven't begin to blog again, I thought I would stop by yours to get a good laugh! Sure enough, you delivered! Hope all is well! By the way, I now have a BEAUTIFUL 5 week old baby girl!

Kelly said...

Yeah, I heard about those ladies ending their marriages. Sucks big time. As does reality.

Jen said...

Hey Lady! I hope the botox works for you and you never ever have another one. Even though you are like the queen of working through the pain, you shouldn't have to. I bet Watermelons hair is fabulous. Hope you have a good week!