Friday, August 9, 2013

Local sluts....at class reunions.

LOCAL SLUTS! 
Every time I open my spam email the only emails I have are for LOCAL sluts.  I think it’s discrimination.  I mean what if I don’t want LOCAL sluts.  Why am I not given the choice between LOCAL and non-local whores?  I’m outraged.  Like for real.
That and Adrianna.  Adrianna will not stop emailing me.  She’s all “Why you no contact me?  Why you ignore me?  I in town.  I remember we had fun together many year ago.  Please call me.  I want to catch up.”
…and steal all your money and your life.   F*ck you very much.
If Adrianna had a brain in her head she’d know that I simply cannot contact her.  I’m a grammar freak and hers is atrocious that there can just never be anything between us.  I’m sorry, Adrianna.
As you can see, I’ve got nothing to talk about today except sluts named Adrianna.  Not to mention Abdul who inherited millions and wants to give it to little ‘ol me.
It’s Podunk’s huge festival weekend so we’ll be on the go starting today until late Sunday.  Rambo and I also have a muscular dystrophy benefit ride all day Saturday and a night swim planned that night too (no kids!).  Groceries and a nap are also on the agenda today as well.
Oh and…if any of you ever wondered how class reunions occur in Podunk – well fret no more.  I shall tell you.  Someone emails someone on Facebook and says, “Hey – should we plan a reunion?”
Others in the class then chime in:
I have a pasture. 
I have a picnic table.
I have a grill.
I can brew my own beer and bring it.
And that’s it.  The reunion is on. 
Bring your own food and silverware.  Don't wear nice shoes in case you step in cow poop. 
No need to lose weight or buy a nice outfit. 
It'll be dark because there NO LIGHTS in cow pastures.  SCORE!!
Also – PS – it’s next weekend so you get a ton of time to clear your schedule.
What the merry f*ck?  Seriously – could we “pretend” to be civilized just once? 
Nah.  It’s not who we are. 
This is really just an excuse to grill out and brew homemade beer.  Duh.
Try not to be jealous.
Podunk is fabulous.  You know you want to live here.  We even have some real, bonafide local sluts available.  I promise.  There might even be a few at the beer party class reunion.  Crazier things have happened in Podunk.  I swear.

4 comments:

Fit Mom said...

Sounds like a drunk fun time. And Adrianna is two timing on you. I get emails from her too. Good to know she isn't just stalking me!!

Loving Life by Leesa said...

I grew up in podunk and you're right on the beer bash as well as the local sluts. =) Class reunions are sometimes held in the local bar affectionately called the Cowboy Club, where they hang a sign that says "many a marriage has broken up here" Stay cool!

Joanna said...

Ah, the fun of living in Podunk..that I know all too well. :) Like tonight, for example, I'm attending a Back to School Block Party. Forget "Meet the teacher" nights. We block off the entire down town and grill and have music and party like it's 1999. Just for going back to school.

So much cooler than sitting in a classroom and shaking hands with parents as they walk through the door!!

jennxaz said...

I think some of the best times I have had have been spur of the moment get togethers....sounds like fun!