1-Listen. I’m usually one of those parents that hide my fears and worries from my girls so that they can make and feel their own emotions about any given subject. Except when it comes to snakes. I have indeed scarred my older child for life and projected my fear of snakes onto her. Shit. (I gave up saving for her college a long time ago and instead am just saving for her future therapy sessions.)Last night, both girls and I got ready for our run/walk while Rambo did the elliptical downstairs. On my first lap around – I saw a snake, backed far away and very calmly said, “Oh God. Oh my God. Oh Jesus. Oh holy hell.”
The terror that I feel when I see a snake feels like something physical I could hold in my hand. I think my heart actually stops and my blood pressure spikes. Every single thing in me wanted to run but I didn’t. When my oldest figured out what I saw – she backed up fast and instantly she started crying without even realizing it. Wow. You should have seen the look of fear on her face.
The snake was the size of a large worm. We’re all sissies. I suck.
I finished my run on the treadmill. The end.2-Today is picture day at school. Last night I double French braided Banana’s hair so today it is super curly. Everything except her bangs that are straight as hell. She refused to let me curl them even a little. F*cking awesome. Imagine how that looks. Curly wurly hair down to her butt and stick straight bangs. Nice.
3-A friend I know is having rear end issues. Like internal hemorrhoids. The last discussion we had included words like rectum and bowel movement. I threw up internally through the whole conversation and I put on my best concerned face but the whole time I was giving myself a pep talk that went something like this: Suck it up. Act like an adult. You cannot run screaming from the room. Jesus.4-I decorated my seasonal tree in my office for fall. Pumpkins, orange lights, and scarecrows amuck. It’s super cute.
5-I took burlap ribbon and intertwined it with orange garland and a gold colored feather boa and put it on my fireplace mantel. I lined up all different sizes of orange candles behind it and it’s like a Fallapaloosa at my house. Martha Stewart taught me everything I know. For realz. We’re tight.6-The highlight of my week is going to the high school football game on Friday night. It’s going to be 60 degrees so I can wear high boots and a big bulky sweater and a scarf and sit and watch the game with the whole town. And hold the hand of the man that I used to cheer for on the sidelines in my itsy bitsy cheerleading skirt. I know Rambo wishes he was still out there playing. I do too. He was never hotter than when he came off the field after a game.
7-Speaking of football – Watermelon is wearing a classmate’s jersey for the first time on Friday. She is so giddy she can’t contain herself. She’s wearing the guy’s jersey that she has had a crush on since she was in kindergarten. She actually had the balls to ask him herself about wearing his jersey before any of the other girls did it. She’s deathly afraid of snakes but not so afraid of boys apparently. Dammit.8-We are still going strong on eating nightly suppers at the actual table with tv and electronics turned off. The girls freaking love it…and so do I.
9-I’m still going strong on planning the nightly suppers and pre-planning the upcoming week’s meals so I can grocery shop for only those meals. My house is staying clean and organized and I feel at literal peace inside. I’m OCD by nature and crazy about organizing shit and when things are chaotic on the outside – that’s how I feel on the inside. When things are clean and organized on the outside – everything on the inside feels better.
When I was on heavy doses of drugs for my migraines every day – I cared nothing about if dishes were done or things were organized or put away or anything. I did the bare minimum and called it good and I sat down. Period.
I was putting dishes in the dishwasher at 9pm last weekend and Banana said to me, “Mom – what are you doing? Where did you get all this energy? Did you take a pill of energy or something?” It’s sad that she realizes me up and doing things is different….but I can’t change the past. I can only work to show her what the new human me is capable of doing and being.10-This winter a friend of mine and I are going to plan once a month couple’s game nights. We’ll rotate houses and play cards or board games. Then once a month we’ll do girls only nights and the guys can do their guys only nights that same night. Brilliant, right?
Those of you who know how frightened I am of any type of social gathering know that this is huge for me. I’ll probably throw up after each one and have hives covering every square inch of my body but dammit – I will laugh my ass off and make memories first. It’s never easy fighting my own inner demons all the time for something so simple for most people but I’ll do it. Social anxiety will not define me. So there. Put that in your little pipe and smoke it.