Monday, October 14, 2013

Ah....love.


That elusive little feeling that people live for, die for, kill for, cry over and yell about on Oprah’s couch.  It makes us do some really stupid things.  As much as it can literally fix and conquer anything – it can destroy people just as easily when it fades or betrays or hurts.
We all grow up watching Disney and we all want the Prince to ride in on the white horse and swoop us away into his castle where we literally live happily ever after. 

However, at some point in our lives, most of us figure out that whole Prince thing is bullshit.  Some men come pretty close but let’s face it – if they have a penis – at some point in their lives – they are going to hurt us.  Probably more than once.  Probably even on purpose.

My emotions were all over the place this weekend because I saw both ends of the love spectrum.   
My Watermelon has found a boy.  Shit!  She talks to him constantly and even saw him at a party this weekend and !gasp! – she held his hand.  Her first ever hand holding.  She’s on Cloud 9.  Dancing around like a unicorn high on Skittles.  Flitting about like a fairy who ingested too much glitter.  It’s fun to watch. 

Also scary as hell.
And then comes the part where she decides to tell Rambo.  Oh honey.  May the Lord be with you. 

Protective of his two girls and me is the understatement of the year.  I don’t know if it’ll be harder to watch her go through her first heartbreak or harder to watch Rambo watch her go through it. 

His heart will break right with hers and my only job will be to keep him from hunting down the boy and castrating him.  I have to remind him that the boys his girls date are not inmates.  They are kids.  You can’t restrain them, taze them, cuff them, strip them naked and tie them to a cement slab or pummel them to oblivion.  You might want to – but you just can’t.

Still – even when her heart gets broken she’ll have more than I ever had.  Big, strong arms that hold her while she cries and a big, strong voice that says she still has a man in her life that loves her.  I hope she never takes that for granted.
So yes – it’s been fun flitting around about the “new boy”.

And then I met with a friend who is going through the opposite.  Years of bliss and togetherness and it all may be ending.  The torture and pain in her eyes is almost unbearable to me.  I listened.  I cried and in the end I just held her and told her no matter what she’d get through this.  No matter what. 
She was standing but nearly crumbled in my arms and I held her up pleading with God to not let this happen.  I don’t know if she can survive it….even though I told her she would.  How can the possibility of losing love bring a confident and strong woman to her knees?  To her breaking point?
To literal despair.  Her pain is physical though it only exists in her heart.  This intangible thing that we can’t even touch has brought this person I love to the edge of her life. 

In the middle of all the joy and pain of love – I sat quietly for a minute by myself.  In love we all use words like always, forever and never - over and over.  As the lover we say them and as the lovee – we believe them when they’re projected at us.

And yet, there’s no guarantee.  There.  Just.  Isn’t.
We get hurt and so we swear we’re going to live alone in a van by the river with 6 dogs and a hamster and 2 cats.  We say we don’t need love.  It is a foolish game we can exist without.

Except we can’t.  Even when we aren’t looking for love – we are.  We just pretend we aren’t.
We crave it.  We don’t want to – but we do.

And the world keeps spinning.  Some people are giggling like little school girls as if they were floating on clouds while some people hearts are shattering into a million painful pieces.
All from love.  A little 4 lettered word.

That crazy – and oh so powerful - little thing called love.

5 comments:

The Dandy Bandy said...

Wow....just wow. So powerful. Thank you for this! :)

Sunshine's Heart said...

This really struck me today. I have been crying for a year, hoping against hope that Dail will come back. Losing hurt me so much that it is hard to breathe. Recently he brought up the topic of moving in together and sharing expenses. You can imagine the hope that sparked in me. A week or so later as we were discussing it again he said he would have to have his own space wherever we live in case he wants to bring someone home. Another crash into the dark. As desolate as ever. I am craving love as you said but I don't know if anyone can get through the walls I have built around my heart.

RockBand Barbie said...

Watching your kid go through their first heartbreak is HORRIBLE. I seriously wanted to shank the little skank who broke my baby's heart the first time :(

Cat said...

I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again, your words bring me to tears...nearly every time. :) Thank you for sharing Watermelon's first hand holding with us. So sweet! Also, yes, your girls are very lucky that Daddy will be there with them and help you comfort them through the tough times. /heart you Sweetie bug. :)

FitBy40 said...

OHGod OH GOD OH GOD! I can't believe she's old enough to have a *gasp* boy friend! I'm dying over here. As you know ,I too have two young girls and I'm already freaking out that my 8 year old has a little hair on her doo-da!
OMG. I can't even deal.
Good luck to Rambo with all this!