Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Slaughter before 7am.

Let’s just do a little randompants, shall we? << like how I make you think you actually have a choice here?  LOL

First off – hear this.  I have ginormous balls of steel. 
Oh, you want proof? 
Here it is. 
This morning I started running my Skittle bath and looked down in my half-asleep state and saw a spider bigger than my balls of steel.  That thing could have bitten my leg clean off.  I swear to God. 
Did I scream?  Nope. 
Did I run?  Nope. 
Did I kill it with my bare hands?  Nope. 
I made the water make the spider go down the drain. 
Buh-bye Spider. 

I slaughtered a helpless creature before 7am so I just knew it was going to be a good day.

What else?  Oh – Biggest Loser came back on last night.  Like or hate the whole show – it’s a really good thing to watch while you’re on the treadmill because you can pretend that the trainers are yelling at you instead of the contestants.  Try it.
I took the plunge and went “no-poo” on Monday night.  My Holy Mother of Mary – who the hell made up the name for this new hair procedure?  It’s horrific.  I can’t even bring myself to say it out loud.

Anywhoozle…it’s only been 2 full days since I haven’t shampoo-ed my hair which in truth, is nothing to write home about.  I’ve done that pretty much every weekend of my life.  Today is Day 3 though and I plan to work out so I think when I’m done, I’ll do a pure water rinse only.
I used the baking soda and apple cider vinegar like all the pros said.  It was easy peasy.  Wanna know the weird thing?  I kid you not – the first day – two people said something about my hair.  My one friend actually thought I had my extensions in because it looked so long and full. 

Hmmm…can it work that quickly?  I’m pretending it does.  Talk to me on Thursday when I look like a homeless person who used bacon lard for a pillow.  Greasy won’t begin to explain how my hair will look. 
There’s a transition period where your hair freaks the hell out and goes nutso with the grease and then after that it’s all bliss…if you make it through the transition.  For me, it’s not going to be called transition.  It’s going to be called “wear a hat every day if you have to”.

I shall keep you posted. 
The only other thing that happened in our household is this. 

Rambo knows about Watermelon’s “boy”.  Even saw a picture of him.  All the better to hunt him down with, right? 

Watermelon wasn’t sure if she wanted him to know until I said, “Hey – what happens if he makes you sad or God forbid, you break up?  Who will you run to when that happens?  Who will you want to hold you?”

She said, “Dad.”
I said, “Um yah.  Kinda hard to tell him why you need holding if you never tell him about the boy in the first place, right?”

So yah – Rambo knows.  No one has died yet.  No broken hearts or castrations have taken place.

Also, Rambo is transferring to a new prison in two days.  There should be less feces and urine throwing, less blood, less tazing and suiting up, less fights, and less stress due to it being a lower security prison than where he is now.  Nothing wrong with that, right?
Right. ^^I just realized that above paragraph makes it sound like Rambo is IN prison vs WORKING in the prison.  Ha!


Sarah Kopf said...

You're a badass.

The kiddo is going to have a beaten ass.

And I hope Rambo has to do less ass kicking.


Kelly said...

RIP Spider!

Laura Belle said...

There's so much I want to comment on that I don't know where to start.

First of all....DIE SPIDER DIE! let ALL the spiders die!!!

NO POO!!! I was reading about that and am SOOOO going to try it once I finish with the shampoo I have! Is it hard? Do you like it?! Do you have any instructions or a website that you go to? Hook a sista up!!

What....there's a boy???? What??? She's too young. I can not think about this. She's still a little squirt right? No boys. Because I know if you have to deal with this, that means I'm going to have to deal with this someday with Dillyn. So we shall live in No Boy Bliss forever. Together. In our padded cells. It's fine.

YAY for new prison!!!! I guess you could say Rambo's going No Poo too!!!! only it's the other poo. hehehe. god I crack myself up.


Cat said...

I love that Rambo knows about the *boy* I hear that sinister dun dun duuuun music in my head ... go with it, it's fine. : )

So very glad he's being transferred too. Hopefully people that have a chance for rehabilitation etc will be easier to guard. : ( I always feel horrible knowing what he goes through in his current position.

Joanna said...

I am so intrigued by the no-poo. I want to try it so bad, but if I go three days without washing my hair, I get the WORST case of itchy head. I look like someone who has a major case of head lice. Plus, the greasy look...oh, it's horrible.

I'm going to be watching and listening for your updates. I want to know more about it...even if I'm too chicken to try it just yet.