Thursday, October 24, 2013

She still plays with dolls.

She still goes to recess.  Twice a day.

She packs a Milky Way in her lunch every day because it’s been her favorite since she was 3.
Her mom bought her a Halloween costume this year…the same as all the other years before.

She just got braces.
Once in a while, she still plays with dolls.  Even dresses them up on rare occasions.

When she gets upset, she still cries just like she did when she was a baby.
It was just this year that she figured out that Santa isn’t real. 

She can’t drive.  Or vote.  Or legally drink alcohol.  Or buy cigarettes.
She hasn’t had her first period.

She is a little girl.  She is young. 
She is innocent.

Well, she WAS.  And now she isn’t.
No one thinks of her as little or innocent anymore.  My daughter, her best friend, says everyone looks at this girl differently in the hallway now.  All the boys make lewd comments.

Her parents cried.  Her Dad balled his fists and tried to control his anger.  School boards got involved.  Police were notified.  Everyone involved was talked to.
Now she’s not allowed to have a phone.  Or go to school events.  Or talk to anyone.

Because she is 12.  And she had sex.  More than once.
She is 12 and had my daughter google “symptoms of pregnancy” on her phone because even though condoms were used – she’s 12.  And she doesn’t understand if that condom worked or didn’t.

She is 12 and was checked and got a shot for STDs.
She is 12 and her first sexual experience was with a 15 year old who has already had sex with a lot of girls.  She said he smelled of alcohol and smoke.  She said it hurt the first time and she didn’t know what she was supposed to do so she just watched TV during it. 

She left that night and walked all the way home – crying.  Immediately regretting every moment.  Frantically texting my daughter about how to fix what had just happened.
There were no feelings.  None.  The boy doesn’t even like her a little.  No romantic words.  Not even a single promise uttered even if he knew he couldn’t keep it.  No music.  No candles. 

No care taken.  No consideration for her body or her precious soul that he was about to break.
And now the rumors – in a small town.  Are all about a 12 year old. 

Who will never be the same.
This happened a week ago and my daughter just told me last night.  She put off telling me because she doesn’t want me to judge her friend.

Judge her? 
Judge her?

She’s 12!!  She has no idea what she was doing or getting into and the only thing I really feel for her is pain and sadness.  I want to hold her in my arms and tell her that some day it’ll be different.  That all the rude words and looks and rumors will end.
That the things the boy is saying should be ignored.  That if he didn’t know better – his two friends in the next room should have.

Everyone in the town is judging her.  I find that so ironic.  I know the people judging the most.  The women who did exactly what this girl did.  The people whose kids are doing it too.  The ones who forget shit like that.
How do parents forget that we were all there once?  How do parents literally believe bad shit will never happen to their kid?  I trust Watermelon but I’m not dumb enough to say, “my kid will never do that.”  I can hope but I can never say never.  You can’t be with your kids 24/7 and believing that my child is an angel is just stupid.

So my daughter and two other girls have taken on the role of “protector” of this girl since it happened.  They haven’t left her side – even though what she did scared them.  Even when they believe she was wrong too. 
My daughter was scared I’d look at her friend differently.  That is how protective this girl’s friends are being.  I hope she understands the preciousness of that.

Because even though she is 12 – there are facts about the situation that she alone bears.  She can’t take that night back.  She can’t undo this.  Anyone in this town who may want to date her will already know her history.  Other parents have already told their kids they aren’t allowed around this girl. 
She comes from a good family.  A mom and a dad – happily married.  She wants for nothing. 

Except something in heart makes her seek attention and love from boys.  And this time she took that seeking to a whole new level she can’t back down from.
There are consequences she never even knew existed.  And she’s going to hurt for a long time over this.

God help me – please let her be strong enough to get through this.
My mind is filled with nothing else but this since I heard.  I ache for my daughter and her friends who’ve taken on keeping their friend standing upright and safe and keeping her head in the right space.  I ache for her parents - who I know well - who think “everyone thinks they are bad parents”….because I certainly don’t think that.

I love this little girl.  She’s at my house a lot. She’s sweeter than sweet and beautiful and precious.  And I don’t know how to pretend to her that I don’t know when all I want to do is hold her.
But I won’t.  I promised my daughter that her friend would never know that she told me. 

I’m scared to tell Rambo.  He loves this little girl too.  He knows her and her family just as well as I do.  I know – that as a fellow father and a friend to this girl’s Dad – his first instinct will be retribution.  Rambo knows the boy’s dad that this happened with as well….and Rambo has never liked him.  To find out it was his son who our 12 year old’s best friend had this happen with….is going to be a tough one to swallow.
Just last night, Rambo’s own 12 year old daughter sat next to him on the couch with her head on his shoulder, her Smartphone in her lap and her baby blanket held tight in her hands.  Ever the evolving adult while part of her remains the little girl who can't live without things like her baby blanket.

To imagine that little girl – OUR little girl - in a strange house, with boys she can’t possibly know, scared, unsure, and vulnerable – gives me chills.  This is a helluva lesson for her to learn though watching the emotions and outcomes her best friend is dealing with.
It hurts her badly.  She said when she was googling pregnancy symptoms for her friend...she was so scared that she almost started crying but she held it in.

The whole thing is scary as hell. 
And I’m just so sorry for everyone involved.

Just.  So.  Sorry.
I was naïve.  I seriously believed I had a good 3 to 4 years before sex became a real live thing her friends were starting to do vs something they just thought or talked about.

But at 12? 

I just never saw this one coming. 
I don’t think anyone did.


FitBy40 said...

OMG, I don't even want to wrap my head around this! I'm sick, as I'm sure you must be since it's so close to home.
You know I have 2 little girls, and I would be so devastated if this happened to one of them.
I'm with you, I'd want to take that girl into my arms and hug her until she couldn't breathe!
Ugh, the tortures of parenthood!

Jewlz280 said...

So... a teenager takes advantage of a child and everyone is talking about HER? How about the boy? Why is NO ONE saying or even DOING anything about the boy? Are they SURE she willingly had sex? It still comes across as rape to me because at 12yrs. old, she just doesn't have the comprehension to know what she was REALLY getting in to! Not that I want the boy arrested, but scaring the SHIT outta him wouldn't be a bad idea! ALL of the parents need to stand together and do something. What is happening to this girl is WRONG.

b67bc1b2-3d23-11e3-b844-000bcdcb471e said...

That poor child. It doesn't matter if she went along with it. Legally this was a rape, a 12-year-old is incapable of consenting to sex.

The high school kid should be arrested and prosecuted. If not, he will certainly do this again to another little girl. Please report him. It may keep another child from going through this ordeal.

Things will get much worse if this attitude of shaming the victim is allowed to continue. You should be very proud of your daughter for standing by her friend. But she's just a kid herself, there's only so much she can do. The adults need to step up.

The shame belongs on the predatory teenager who thinks he got away with rape. Prayers to all involved.

Kelly said...

OMG, that is awful....

Joanna said...

OMG, my little Peanut can relate to this so much. She found out in August, that a friend hadn't returned back to school because she was pregnant. An 8th grader!! Pregnant and was staying home to receive home schooling services.

Of course, the whole school started to talk...having no idea on what the situation was. Peanut and her friend stood up for the poor girl, and fought to no end to crush the rumors and nasty words being said about the girl who wasn't around to defend herself or give her side of the story.

The sad, horrible truth is that this is happening more and more. The kids are getting younger and younger, and instead of action or preventions...there's just blame and nastiness thrown at the poor girls involved.

This is why I get so freaking MAD when people talk about me, and tell me that I act "inappropriately" by taking Peanut and her friends places, letting the kids hang out with me, both boys and girls. It's not right, they say, for me to spend time with students outside of school because of all the "talk" and problems there are with teachers acting ludely with students.

I am, first and formost, a mother. My child is a teenager. And if her friends like spending time with me, rather than running the streets and getting in to who knows what kind of trouble...then people can talk about me all they want. I'd much rather have teenagers "hanging out" with me after school, going places, being driven around than my daughter off somewhere and having no idea who she's with or what she's doing.

What your Watermelon is doing really goes to show the care and devotion you have instilled in to her. And you're right, it's priceless. Hopefully the girl understands the magnitude of Watermelon's actions. That's one amazing girl you've got there...and it goes to show how amazing her parents are.